SS #12: Frankie fell in love.
Gerard felt absolutely dead as he choked tears and saliva onto his bare legs. Crying had never been one of his normal activities before he met Frank Iero. He wished there was some way he could rewind time, loop it back all the way to that July morning he decided to go draw on the sidewalk. If his sidewalk chalk had not been pleading in Christina Ricci's voice, he would have never met Frank. He never would have fallen in love with the goddamned boy. He would have felt at least a brief moment of happiness without pain poking through and breaking it all apart. He wished with all his heart that he could just hate Frank. The only thing he could feel for him, though, was love. Cartons full, truck loads, Godzilla sized quantities of love, enough to crush any human being under its weight.
Frank fidgeted against the rough fabric, which scraped his skin. He contemplated his feelings once more as he stared at his friend. There was not a single cell in his short body that would deny the fact that he felt something towards Gerard. Wilona was just overpowering it, at the moment. Maybe, just maybe if he gave it enough time, he could bring himself to love Gerard like he loved Wilona. Probably even more. Despite the truth in this thought, Frank felt extreme amounts of fear being piled into him. The source of his terror seemed to be radiating forward from Gerard’s direction. The exact reason, though, wasn’t determinable. After analyzing every inch of his complex mind, Frank decided it was time for him to be brave. Gulping down his discomfort, he rose from the seat. He strolled to Gerard’s side and knelt down. He tapped Gerard lightly, making sure not to touch anything but his shoulder. He wasn’t entirely sure his naughty hands wouldn’t stray down...down... down...
Gerard looked up with his wet eyes, nearly squealing at that familiar closeness. His mouth was watering now. He forced his teeth down onto his lip, biting harder with each dirty thought that passed through his mind.
Frank winced, almost feeling the pain as a trickle of blood slid down from Gerard’s lip. He knew he had caused the other male more than just physical discomfort. He had probably broken Gerard’s heart into small, chewable pieces. Apologies were so hard though. Frank was unsure of how to explain why he did what he did.
“Gee...” he began, using his finger to wipe away the small drop of red.
Gerard shrunk away at Frank’s touch. He didn’t want to feel it. That would only tempt him further. He couldn’t afford to be allured like that. He had to remember that no matter what, Frank technically still had a girlfriend whom he loved. Gerard imagined the layers of his heart being picked apart, like petals of a delicate flower. With each petal he pulled off, he engraved the truth in his mind. “He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.” Frank loved Gerard not... Not even the slightest bit.
Frank sighed and spoke in a small voice, “Are you mad at me?”
Gerard glanced up and found that Frank’s chin was trembling. He was going to lie through his teeth, but anything to stop tears from slipping down Frank’s gorgeous face.
“No, Frank...I’m not. I just thought that since yesterday...I thought it meant...something. I dunno, forget it. If you still like Wilona, I don’t mind...”
Frank groaned, “No, Gerard, no. You should mind. I want you to mind...I just...look, I believe you, okay? I know she’s cheating on me. But what am I supposed to do? I love her.”
Gerard switched positions to his knees and rocked forward, stopping inches away from Frank, “Love me.”
Frank stared, unable to move or look away. He felt Gerard breath in and out at an alarming pace. For a second, he was able to block out the obnoxious thought of Wilona. She didn’t matter...for that second. All he wanted was Gerard...for that second. A second was all it took. On impulse, he grabbed Gerard by the neck and pulled him forward.
A shocked Gerard fell, crashing his body weight into Frank, and knocking him down onto the fuzzy carpet. His lips smashed into the smaller boy’s simultaneously. Something more than a spark went off. He shut his eyes firmly, holding Frank down with trembling hands. He knew he had to pull away, it was only ethical. But, honestly — oh fucking well! His tongue pushed its way to dance with Frank’s. A million happy sensations twirled around his body. It was as if the angels were whispering into his ear, “Welcome to heaven.”
Frank’s one Gerard-longing-moment had passed. He wanted desperately to crawl out from under Gerard and turn invisible. Obviously, anyone would expect the reason for not wanting to make out with Gerard to be Wilona related. Frank did too. Yet, he had a feeling...a small, pestering, whining feeling that attempted to convince him otherwise. He wanted Gerard. But he didn’t. But oh, he did. He really, really did. But he wasn’t sure... It was getting to be too much, all his mixed feelings. Before he’d met Gerard, he’d never felt so much all at once. It just wasn’t fair. The amount of emotions exploded, finally, he knew it had to. It all collided into one giant, depressing, frightening bubble. He coughed out Gerard’s tongue and turned his head, consoling himself. A river of tears flowed down his cheeks uncontrollably, threatening to flood the small apartment. He could now figure out why he was so scared. He sat up, crossing his legs. He could figure out everything. His face slowly turned to his friend whose legs were folded under him in a lazy kneel.
Gerard felt his hazel eyes stretch wide beyond possibility. He had screwed up so badly. Now, he had made Frank miserable. Thanks to his stupid urge to kiss the hot boy. He made a mental note to give himself a stern talking-to later.
“Frank, I’m sorry,” he said, feeling uneasy, “I didn’t mean to do that...I just....I’m so sorry. Don’t cry...please...I’ll leave if you want. You probably want some time alone. Or some time not with me. I’m such an idiot...You’re not even bisexual, are you? Well, maybe you are...but you don’t...uh...you’re hot...wait no...that makes no sense...I mean, it’s true, but...” he stopped blabbering for a second, “Fuck, Frank...can you shut me up?”
Frank sniffed in loudly, “Gerard, I like you.”
Gerard’s eyes widened even more. His heart leapt out against his chest, and his mouth couldn’t help wanting to meet his ears. His arms ached to be around Frank again, but he resisted. Frank apparently was not too happy about liking him. Still, just the fact that he did was enough to give Gerard a drugless high feeling. Suddenly, the love song record in his head stopped with a scratch and his joy was momentarily gone.
“You mean as a friend, don’t you?”
Frank gasped through his tears dramatically and shook his head from side to side, “I’m just scared, Gee. Extremely scared.”
Gerard edged closer hesitantly, “Of what?”
Frank sighed and let himself get entangled in Gerard’s reaching arms, “I told you, none of my relationships work out. I thought Wilona would, but well...I guess not... I really like you, Gerard. It scares the shit out of me. I mean, you’re a guy. I know there’s nothing wrong about that...maybe that’s not even the important part. I just don’t want one more screw-up, you know?”
Gerard squeezed Frank’s palm, “I won’t mess up. I promise. I’d never ever hurt you.”
Frank’s green eyes drooped sadly, “The exact thing Wilona said.”
Gerard worked up the courage and rested Frank’s face in his hands. In slow motion he inched forward, until their lips pressured onto each other. Gerard held Frank gently, loving the feeling of coffee brown hair brushing against his chin. He was sure to keep everything soft and light. His normal confidence had returned, now that he knew for certain how Frank felt. It swept reassurance all over him. Life was good.
Once his tongue ran out of energy, Frank drew away slowly. It felt weird to know that a mere hour ago he had been straight. It also felt pretty damn good—now he had choices. He gave Gerard a shy smile and a bright blush. He convinced himself that Gerard could be trusted to keep his heart safe. Because if not, Frank knew it would be the last time he trusted anyone. A sudden, mischievous grin on Gerard’s face distracted him from mood-killing thoughts.
“Hey, Frankie,” Gerard said cheekily, “You know, you have to break up with Wilona, right?”
Frank’s face drained of all color as Gerard’s smirk widened.
“Put her on speakerphone, I so have to hear this.”
I, personally, will adore writing the next chapter. Thanks for your reviews, they're amazing and I love 'em. There is gonna be more to this story, I've planned everything out. I just need to write it all down...and add metaphors and all that good stuff.