Categories > Games > Dynasty Warriors > The Fat of Love

The Goddess and The Breeder

by ZhugeLiang 0 reviews

Join Zhuge as he looks at different pairings and characters and show what could happen if they occured in real life.

Category: Dynasty Warriors - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Da Qiao, Dong Zhuo, Lu Xun, Xiao Qiao - Published: 2006-02-11 - Updated: 2006-02-11 - 1713 words

0Unrated
"Come on little guys you can do it! Come on girl, do it for me? Please? Good job!" Fu Xi said excited as he watched his silk worms breeding. "Look at your little silk worm babies! I'm so happy for you!"

"Brother, what are you doing yelling so much for? I can hear you from outside of the house." Nu Wa said walking in with her arms full of stuff from the market place. Fu Xi walked over to her and kissed her gently. He then took some of the things that she was holding and helped her bring them inside to the kitchen.

"I was just breeding my silk worms again. The little guys sure do breed well. I am up to fifty thousand of them! I even used some of their silk to make pajamas for us!" He said grinning posing in his new pajamas that he made.

"Brother, you are horrible at making clothing, you know that." Nu Wa said sticking out her tongue at him.

"Aw, why do you say that sister? I made a beautiful shirt for you before?" Fu Xi said sounding hurt by her comment.

"Yeah brother... about that... It had no hole for the head and it was three sizes too small. But the biggest reason I said that is because I and see right through the pajamas that you made. Also, why are you not wearing your underwear?" Nu Wa laughed at him as he blushed. He quickly went into the bedroom and got changed into other clothes. He then came back in a robe. "Now that is better brother."

"My love, can you stop calling me brother, it makes it seem old that we would are married but you are calling me brother over and over again. Please call me your husband, not brother." Fu Xi begged her frowning.

"Okay sweetheart, sorry about that. I am just used to calling you my brother, it just kind of comes out now. I will do my best to remember not to call you brother. Alright?" Nu Wa smiled and gave Fu Xi a huge hug. She looked into his eyes. "Hey Fu Xi... you said you have fifty thousand silk worms right?"

"Uh huh, it's great how fast they breed and how many they have. But why do you ask?" Fu Xi released the hug and raised his eyebrows.

"Well the container is open and there is none around? Where did they all go?" She told him. Fu Xi jumped up in the air and ran all over the place trying to find them. Nu Wa giggled a bit at Fu Xi. She walked outside after a moment as Fu Xi ran around frantically searching for all the silk worms. As Nu Wa played with a flower Zhang Jiao, Zhang Bao, Zhang Man Cheng, Zhang Liang, He Yi and Huang Shao walked over to her.

"Helloooooo, Nu Wa! It is I, Zhang Jiao, leader of the Yellow Tuuuuurbans!" Zhang Jiao bellowed in his crazy voice. Nu Wa raised her eyebrows at him. Then she stuck out her tongue.

"Yeah, I know who you are Jiao, I've seen you many times now?" She said confused.

'Welllll, the Yellow Tuuuuurbans and I have decided to riiiiid the world of your unheavenlyyyy teachings! You claiiim to be a Goddesssss, and that you can make hanumans! So Iiii have come to proooove to you that the Wayyyyy of the Heavenssss is the only wayyy!!!" Jiao yelled at the top of his lungs. Fu Xi walked out of the house and looked at them. He bowed to the visitors.

"Hello Zhang Jiao, Yellow Turbans, I am Fu Xi." He introduced himself to them.

"Fu Xi? Hm... oh you mussst be Nu Wa's husssband?" Jiao responded.

"Oh, brother did you get all of your silk worms back in their home? I don't want to go to sleep tonight and have a silk worm crawling on me." Nu Wa looked over at Fu Xi.

"Brother?" Zhang Liang asked confused.

"Yeah, I found all of them. They didn't make it too far. But now we have fifty thousand, two hundred. They bred more while they were out." Nu Wa smiled at her.

"Did she say brother?" Zhang Man Cheng asked Huang Shao.

"That's good brother. I don't want them crawling around all over the place. That would be a little disgusting. Not that your silk worms are disgusting. I just don't want them all over the place." Nu Wa said laughing.

"Hoooold on now, did you call him brooother??" Jiao said confused.

"Yes? He is my brother? Why do you seem so shocked by that? I thought everyone knew that?" Nu Wa responded.

"And... he's your husband?" He Yi slowly responded.

"Yes? What is your point?" Fu Xi raised his eyebrows.

"That's justtttt creeeeeppy!" Jiao yelled at them.
"Nah, it's nothing? We are in love so we got married? There is
nothing wrong with that." Fu Xi smiled at her. As he said that Nu Wa hugged her.

"That is just sick!" Zhang Bao said vomiting on He Yi.

"Well... I really need to go, I have to rain some wild animals before the day is over. I heard that there is a large animal in the woods, I want to find out it and train it before the night is over. So I will talk to you all later. Goodbye my wife." Fu Xi gently kissed Nu Wa and walked away.

"Goodbye brother, take care of yourself!" Nu Wa smiled.

"Husband! Not brother!" Fu Xi shouted as he walked away shaking his head. The other men cringed over the fact that they are brother and sister and are also married.

"Yeah... so what do you guys want again?" Nu Wa questioned the Yellow Turbans.

"The Waaaay of the Heavens have come to crrrrrush you and be goooone with your devilish schemes!!" Zhang Jiao bellowed. Nu Wa glared at the and she pulled out her sword and shield. The guys laughed at her wimpy looking sword and stupid shield. She glared more at them.

"Zhang Man Changgggg I grant you the powwwer!" Jiao yelled to him.

"Yes, I feel it! Prepare to die!!" Zhang Man Chang caused a smile whirl wind to appear. Man Chang laughed as the whirlwind went towards Nu Wa. However he sneezed and the whirlwind picked up He Yi and Huang Shao, throwing them off a cliff before disappearing.

"Don't worry, I will finish her!!" Zhang Liang shouted and caused a rockslide. A giant rock fell and pushed Zhang Man Chang off the cliff.

"That's ittttt! I call forth the Phantommmm soldiers to do my bidddding!! Gooooo!" Jiao raised his staff up and Phantom Soldiers appeared. They ran straight at Zhang Bao and Zhang Liang tearing them apart before retreating. Zhang Jiao stood there speechless.

"Honestly... all I ask is for you to die... I mean really I try my best things and they all fail. It's not like I could just walk over to her with this knife and stab her to death. I have to use my heavenlyyyyy powers to kill her, otherwise there would be noooo point in being in the Yellow Tuuurbans! I give up..." Zhang Jiao turned around and tossed his knife over his head. He heard a strange noise and turned around. Jiao turned around and saw the knife in Nu Wa's chest. She fell over dead. Jiao raised his eyebrows and shrugged before leaving.

Fu Xi was in the middle of a dark, woody area. He walked around searching for something. He started making some kind of odd mating calls. After a few minutes of them he heard a rustling in the trees. Fu Xi looked over to the area where it was coming from. The Yeti walked out and roared loudly. Fu Xi smiled.

"There you are! I am Fu Xi, silk worm breeder and animal trainer. I would like to train you!" The Yeti looked confused. All of a sudden a giant boulder rolled over to them. "Hm.. Okay, well I will call you... fluffy! So come one fluffy, for your first test, move the boulder out of the way, alright?"

"Yergg?" The Yeti looked at Fu Xi and picked up the boulder with ease.

"Good fluffy! Now put it some where!" Fu Xi smiled blowing it a kiss. The Yeti smiled back and then crushed him with the boulder many times killing Fu Xi instantly. The Yeti stuck out his tongue. He then shrugged and walked towards the city. He stopped in front of Zhang Jiao.

"Step aside youuu fillllthy beast of burden!" Jiao yelled at him.

"M... me... join... Yel...low turbans?" The Yeti slowly asked him.

"You would like to joinnnn the Wayyyy of the Heavens? Gooood!!" Zhang Jiao smiled. The Yeti smiled back at him. He then grabbed Huang Gai, who had been walking by at the moment, by the ankles and smacked Zhang Jiao with him several times killing both of them. The Yeti then put on Zhang Jiao's clothes, took his staff and took over the Yellow Turbans. Zhuge Liang walked over to see what was going on. He pulled up his armchair and sat down with his bubble pipe. He blew some bubbles and stroked his chin gently.

"Now, as you can see Nu Wa and Fu Xi are completely useless in the Dynasty Warriors games. One bred silk worms and trained wild animals, the other was supposedly a goddess. They have no point in being in a category with ancient Chinese figures such as myself. Also if they were real and in this time period the Yellow Turbans would have tried to her, ultimately causing their own doom. Not to mention the fact that Nu Wa and Fu Xi were supposed to be brother and sister, and then being married is incest and that is sick. So don't even think about using this pairing... in fact don't use them at all. Just stay away from them. Use good people like me, and Yue Ying, and Zhao Yun... you could even use some Wei characters too." Zhuge Liang stuck out his tongue at the readers. "Stay tuned next time, I will visit an interesting pairing that could cause problems between two strong men."
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