FicWad

On account of their ancient history alone, it shouldn’t have been so hard for Patrick to approach her, but it was; for the first time in his life he was anxious, nervous and afraid just to be near her, to be near the girl who had been with him throughout his entire life. Leaning against the metal frame of the door that could easily lead him out into the cold air or easily enough lead him back into the warmth of the venue, he watched as the smoke from Travis’ cigarette bellowed up from the embers of his burning nicotine stick, floating heavier in the air than it would under any other weather condition. Ana was sitting cautiously on the metal railing that served as a gate, bordering the picnic tables from the threat of the outside world and protecting picnic goers from falling into the crashing river below. Her feet were dangling carelessly over the railing as she stared down at the river below, the wind caught her hair in a passing gust and Patrick couldn’t help the smile that curled the corners of his lips as he watched her struggle to keep stray strands away from her face.

To be completely honest with himself and to those around him, Patrick would have been content just standing there all day, watching her from afar and avoiding the painful mingling that he knew he would be forced to endure, but Pete feeds off of awkward situations and other people’s drama. With a slight shove to the shoulder, Pete pushed Patrick from the comfort of the doorway into the cool pre-winter air of the content city around them.

Travis was leaning against the railing now, inhaling a long drag from his cigarette as he shared stories of the history of the city rising around them, sharing his memories and stories of the underground shows he would sneak off to as a kid. Ana was laughing at something he had just discretely pointed out as the two companions approached and Pete took it as a sure fire moment to slide into the conversation at hand.

“If you’re laughing at how ridiculously good looking I am, I’ve told you before that I’m not the one to blame. It’s a curse, a gift and a curse really; it’s a lot like being Spiderman.”

Ana’s head turned quickly to find the source of such a ridiculous statement and if it weren’t for the laughter already apparent in her features, it would have been hard not to smile when she saw Patrick’s face, that nervous smile playing on his lips and the way he had his hands dug so anxiously into the pocket of his jeans. It would also be hard to lie and say that isn’t wasn’t hard for her to breathe the moment her eyes locked with his or that she didn’t wish to take it all back at that very moment; but unfortunately, common sense seemed to have the best of her inhibitions.

With precise accuracy and swiftness, Ana spun herself around on the railing and jumped down from her seated position with a small huff before shoving Pete playfully with a smile playing on her lips, “That totally explains the emo-esque Peter Parker.”

Pete frowned heavily as his friends chuckled lightly at the joke she had just made, but Ana wasn’t paying attention, her eyes were on Patrick now as she extended her arms to him, watching as his eyes nervously and hesitantly studied her actions.

“Friends hug, Patrick” With a coy smile, she took a step forward with her arms still open, hoping and praying he would just give in so for that one moment so she could feel it all again. After a dull, awkward moment in time Patrick gave in and succumbed to her request, wrapping his arms around her waist as her arms immediately returned the gesture, wrapping tightly around his torso and back.

It could have just been a brief moment in time but to these ex-lovers, time seemed to have momentarily stood still as Patrick inhaled the smell of her hair and the feeling of her hands on his back. Ana added an exaggerated squeeze to her hug for added comfort as she savored the feeling of his body so close to hers once again.

“Don’t worry guys, this isn’t weird or anything.” The sound of Pete’s sarcastic voice pulled them away from the moment of bliss they were simultaneously sharing and Ana and Patrick both quickly scampered to their respected corners of the physical conversation structure.

“I was showing Moto some of the songs we’ve finished up for the record” Travis interjected to break up the uncomfortable moment of silence, taking one last drag of his cigarette before tossing what was left of the burning tobacco over the railing and into the river.

“Oh, really?” It went completely unnoticed to Travis, who wasn’t paying enough attention and to Ana, who was too wrapped up in avoiding any eye contact with Patrick but it was apparent to Pete, essentially Patrick’s other half, that he was trying too hard, trying too hard to make it feel normal, essentially making it seem a little more awkward.

“They sound fantastic” Ana smiled warmly, fidgeting with the zipper on her jacket, “You’re doing a great job.”

Patrick graciously returned her smile before his eyes adverted back down to his shoes and their shuffling against the pavement below his feet.

“Well dudes” Travis interjected happily before any more awkward moments could fall between them, “I mean, standing around here acting like this shit ain’t weird is fun and all, but I’m taking baby girl down to the falls to do a little messing around with her new camera, so you guys in?”

“Uh” Pete studied Patrick’s face, which was pleading for company and support, before shrugging his shoulders, “Sure, I’m in.”

“P. Steezy, you game?”

Patrick stammered lightly as he fussed with the hat adorning his head before readjusting the glasses that were sitting on the bridge of his nose, “Yeah, sure, I’ll go.”

Motioning for the door, before setting off to return to the warmth of the venue, Travis nodded happily as he shuffled to the door, “Alright dudes, let’s get Matt and head out.”

“Stop calling me a dude!” Ana protested with a smile as she jumped onto Travis’ back, cheating her way into an effortless ride back into the venue.

“Sorry baby girl, it’s just a bad habit, you know.”

You could barely call the falls a scenic attraction, but it was a waterfall nonetheless and by the historic facts and man-made scenic overlooks surrounding the river and its corresponding waterfall, you could tell they were trying to fool you into thinking differently. Not bringing a body guard was a smart and inconspicuous idea but a paranoid Pete had convinced a slightly indifferent Brian to sit in the van in the nearest parking lot, just in case something went wrong.

“Come on, we’re like rock stars, this might not be safe.” Pete argued as he shuffled from the van to the sidewalk.

“Yeah dudes, because teenies hang out at a lame ass waterfall in winter, especially during the middle of the afternoon, on a school day.” Travis rebutted sarcastically, shoving Matt out of the van and jumping out himself, followed by a less than enthused Patrick.

“You just got owned” Joe laughed loudly as he shuffled away from the van and immediately lit up a cigarette.

“Whatever, you guys are lame as shit and this is probably the weakest looking waterfall I’ve ever seen.”

Ana was trailing behind the group as she snapped a shot of the 5 boys sauntering down the street and laughed quietly to herself as Pete whined and Travis shoved Matt out of the picture, knocking him into Joe and in turn, causing Joe to drop his cigarette.

Regardless of their lack of wonder and awe, the trip to the falls supplied significant opportunity for planned shots of the boys and candid shots that would soon render themselves priceless. Travis shielding Joe’s lighter as he lit up another cigarette, Pete leaning over the ledge of the abandon salt mill as he surveyed the crashing water before him, a dark shot of Patrick sitting alone on a bench at the far end of the catwalk and staring out into the distance and then, just a few more candid shots of Patrick that no one really needed to know about.

“You know, I bet that if you just asked nicely, he would let you take a picture of him, rather than stalking him from the distance” Travis’ voice boomed behind Ana as she carefully untangled the strap of her camera from her wrist.

Stammering and searching for some sort of response was her only option as the blush crept over her cheeks; she had been caught.

“No joke, no lies, tell it to me straight; how are you really?” Travis leaned against the cool metal railing before them, casually staring down at the stairs winding below.

Ana sighed heavily as she copied his gesture and leaned carefully against the railing, “Honestly, I’ve been doing okay. It hurts like hell and I miss him terribly, but …” Her eyes traveled to Patrick as her words trailed off; leaning against the metal railing of the catwalk, his eyes were locked on the distance somewhere as Pete and Joe joined him on each side. “I missed him when we were together, so it isn’t exactly a new feeling.”

“He misses you like mad.” Travis clarified truthfully, watching as her gaze locked on Patrick before quickly adverting to anywhere else. “It’s been hard for him, but I’ve got the faith, I think you guys will be okay.”

“At least someone does” Ana smiled weakly, fidgeting with the nylon strap that she had retangled around her wrist and fingers.

“Just hold tight baby girl” Travis offered an encouraging smile as he slid an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, “You gotta have the faith.”

It was hard for Patrick not to stare, but he was absolutely trying his hardest, sort of. It was also hard not to blush when he was caught, Joe’s voice coming into earshot and he and Pete took a position on each side of his shoulders, copying his position and leaning against the metal railing that stood overlooking the crashing river below.

“Staring isn’t nice, Rick.” Joe smiled coolly as he put his cigarette out on the pavement with the heel of his worn out Nike’s.

Silence fell over them quickly as the three friends took in the sites, inhaling the cool upstate air and listening to the sound of the river crashing quietly below. Pete was guilty of watching Ana now as she watched Matt and Travis climb a series of rocks that led to a sturdy concrete ledge hanging above their heads. It was nice to have time away and nice to see his friends act like people, not rock stars, but unfortunately it was a vehicle acting as another reminder of Patrick’s severe unhappiness.

When Pete returned his attention back to his best friend, Patrick’s eyes were locked on Ana, watching her closely, glazing over with emotions that only Pete could easily read. “She’s terrified of being around you, you know that right?”

Patrick’s eyes turned from heartbreak and confusion to worry and fear in a matter of seconds and Pete rushed to clarify his statement before he was responsible for ushering in a new and improved Patrick breakdown.

“She missed you to death and she’s terrified that being around you will tear down the guards she worked so hard to put up.”

Patrick sighed heavily, “I miss her, more than words can even explain and I’m not going to lie, this sucks.” His eyes returned to her as the sound of her laughter filtered up past the concrete barriers, “I just want to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her, how much I need her and how stupid I’ve been; but I can’t and I hate it.”

Pete and Joe both frowned heavily as they looked upon their companion with worried eyes, sharing uneasy glances and knowing stares before Joe finally spoke up, fidgeting with the lighter in his hand as he watched Travis pick Ana up and pretend to toss her into the river, “Would you give it up for her?”


Patrick’s attention was on Joe now, before shifting over to Pete and back again. His lips were pursed uneasily and his eyebrows were furrowed together as he eyed his friends closely, and curiously.

“All of this, us, the band, your music, would you give it up for her?”

A simple nod and nothing more was all his friends needed to see how much she meant to him, “I would, absolutely. But, this is your dream too; fate just doesn’t fall on my hands.”

Joe offered Patrick a weak but caring smile before patting him on the back and shuffling away to light up yet another cigarette out of nervous habit but Pete stood by his side, peering down at the girl who was unknowingly questioning the fate of their careers.

“The dream isn’t going to last forever, Patrick” Pete added quietly, pulling his eyes away from the chaos and up to the cloudy sky above him, “As much as that sucks to hear and say, we all know that it’s true.”

And with that, he was gone, walking down the stairs to join the calamity near the river, leaving Patrick alone with nothing but his thoughts, the cold November air and the sound of Ana’s laughter filtering through his ears and his heart.