Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Like A Shadow He Stayed Close, Watching My Every Move
I know the world's a broken bone But melt your headaches, call it home.
The sound of smashed glass echoed through the house as my eyes beamed open. I immediately turned my attention to Gerard, but thankfully he was fine. His eyes were hanging sleepy but he was awake.
“What the fuck was that?” I said openly sitting up on the bed, my eyes wondering the room.
“Frank, I think its Linda” Gerard answered.
I averted my gaze to the door, I needed to go and check, that everything was okay. It wasn’t that I cared, it was just my responsibility. My responsibility to look after her, to make sure that she wasn’t in trouble, that she wasn’t in danger, when really she should be the one looking after me.
I slowly pulled back the sheets and crawled out of the bed. My clothes from yesterday laid on the floor, I picked them up one at a time placing them on my body as I went. I was in no rush to get downstairs. Gerard soon enough followed my actions, returning his own clothes to his body.
Once finally dressed I slipped my fingers in between Gerard’s as we both exited the room. As we walked down the stairs I hoped that when we reached the room, she wouldn’t be there. That the breaking glass we heard was only in our heads, She wasn’t even around and that we could just go on pretending as if she never existed. That we, that I could just forget her.
We walked into the living room to find my mother passed out lying on top of the coach. Her dirty dress slung low across her body and you could see new violent bruises marking her face. A broken bottle was scattered along the floor and dripping liquid was spluttered across the wall.
I scanned the mess before leading Gerard to the front door. There was no way I was staying here to help my mother recover from her constant drunk state. Coming home like this wasn’t okay; if she really expected some help she always has her abusing boyfriends.
“Pathetic” I spat before leaving the house.
Outside the light had barley fallen, the bright orange colours mixed with the dark blue night trying to reclaim their sky. The air was cold and thick; every breath we would take would flow freely in the air visible for our eyes. Gerard tightened his grip on my hand as we continued to walk down the deserted street.
“What time is it?” Gerard yawned.
“I don’t have any fucking idea, probably 5 or something, we should be fucking sleeping,” I said anger streaking through my voice. Why did she have to come home last night? It’s been days since I’ve seen her, weeks since we’ve spoken. If she stays around for long we will only get into another fight, and I can’t deal with that right now.
“Its okay Frankie” Gerard said warmly, his voice presenting comfort.
From then on we continued to walk in silence. We both knew where were going, the park of course. The park where we first met, Where Gerard took my hand and brought me into the most complicated life I could have never imagined.
We finally arrived at the park; Gerard led me towards the playground. The swings swayed slowly in the wind, the colours almost burned your eyes from the brightness, in the distance you could hear the cheers and screams from the children playing, this place was enchanting. We stumbled into a large grass green tunnel and sat inside. Sighing with relief I collapsed next to Gerard, my head resting against he’s shoulder, our hands once again finding each other’s.
“I didn’t have anymore dreams last night” Gerard whispered, filling the silence.
“Oh” I said, surprised at how I almost had forgotten about that. “That’s good, I guess”
My voiced lacked honesty, but that’s all I could think of to say. I mean, having no more dreams meant Gerard having less insecurities and worries, But then again what was the point or the meaning of the dream anyway?
“Frank, I know how much having friends means to you” Gerard said consciously, “And I was thinking, and I want you to be friends with Mikey”
I raised my head up and looked at Gerard slightly shocked. He wants me to be friends with Mikey even though he dreamt about Mikey and me in love, strange.
“Why?” I said curiously.
“Because you just deserve to have someone else to be there for you, and you deserve to have friends. You were talking to him, and use were getting along great. Having a friend will make things easier for you, maybe” Gerard said, softly talking the last part as if saying it too loud could break me.
Even after he’s dream, And after all these years of it just being us two he wants me to have a friend. After everything it amazes me how optimistically he thinks, it’s hard to even understand. Is it even possible for him to think properly? When he is only a division of my imagination. But still the point is he wants me to be happy, even though he may be scared of what is to come.
“Really? Gerard you wouldn’t mind if I became friends with Mikey” I said excitement in my voice.
“I wouldn’t mind, I mean it was a dream. It means nothing, it shouldn’t ruin your chance of having a friend”
I leaped forward, struggling but managing to turn my body so I was facing Gerard. He smiled at me; his eyes glancing from my face. I leaned forward so I was in reach of Gerard and kissed him softly on the lips.
“Thank you,” I said pulling away grinning madly, restraining myself from fucking him right here, right now for being so amazing.
And to think he just wants me to be happy, I would have almost believed everything he said if I didn’t notice the way he anxiously bit he’s lip after I said thank you.
Frank; 14 Gerard; 15
Frank thought the first time was the worst.
He remembered the awkward talking at the start.
”Well do you want to.. Try” Gerard said wiping his hands against he’s jeans trying to reduce the sweat that was leaking from he’s hands.
“Yeah, I mean if you’re sure? We don’t have too, if you don’t..” Frank said trailing off, nerves taking over.
“I want too, I think” Gerard almost whispered.
“I’ve never looked at you naked” Frank blurted out, regretting the words as they stupidly left his mouth. “I mean like when you get changed, or when you’re in the shower.. I, I never look,” He continued rushing he’s cheeks glowing a bright red with each word he spoke.
Gerard kept his stare upon his hands that now sat still upon he’s legs, Gerard swallowed dryly;
“I’ve seen you naked”
Silence fell over both the boys as both wondered what to do next. They sat there, there hands sweating, there faces burning, there legs shaking. It was only 5 minutes that went by but to the boys it felt like forever. It was a shock to both of them when Gerard was the first to lean over and meet with Frank’s lips.
But even from there, things didn’t get any more comfortable.
Frank remembered the struggle trying to get each other undressed.
Frank grasped the bottom of Gerard’s top and tried to quickly take it off. That would have been fine if the top didn’t decide to get stuck around Gerard’s shoulders. Frank pulled on the t-shirt again but it just didn’t seem to want to come off.
“Gerard, I can’t get it off,” Frank said shyly.
Gerard took hold of he’s top pulling it over his head and off with ease.
“Oh” Frank said nervously, his head hanging low.
And it didn’t stop there, Not only did Gerard build up a sweat while trying to drag Franks jeans off, But the fact that Gerard also had to take off Franks socks. Well that made Frank burst out laughing. Which made Gerard burst out laughing because he found it funny that Frank was laughing when they were trying to have sex. Which then made them both fall silent with embarrassment because who laughs about socks before sex?
Then there was the ‘Don’t Touch, Don’t Look’ part.
They stayed there on there bed, both naked and exposed. Both of them feeling as if the whole world was watching them, as if the whole world was judging them. Frank stared at his hands, wondering if it was okay to look at Gerard. Gerard sat there trying to build up enough confidence to kiss Frank again. He had kissed Frank plenty of times, this shouldn’t be so difficult.
Frank finally got the courage to look up and look at Gerard, Gerard’s body. Instantly after glancing at Gerard Frank looked away burning with guilt. Maybe Gerard didn’t want him to look? Maybe it wasn’t okay to look. Frank was starting to think that he should just put his clothes back on.
Gerard had built up enough courage and leaned over to kiss Frank. Frank so lost in thought didn’t realize that Gerard was moving over to kiss him, So when Frank finally snapped out of he’s thoughts he was surprised with how close Gerard was and jumped a little.
Gerard stared at Frank confused.
“Sorry” Frank said and leaned over and met with Gerard’s lips. As there lips moved, there hands
should have too, but neither of the boys had the nerve to touch each other’s bare skin. It just didn’t seem right. So they just stayed there kissing, both hating themselves for being so shy.
Frank was glad that things had changed since than, He was really fucking glad.
He remembered the sex.
Frank didn’t have any Idea what he was doing, Well actually he did, he was thrusting in and out of Gerard, he was just not doing it very well. He didn’t know how to position himself; He didn’t know how to make it pleasurable. He could tell that Gerard wasn’t enjoying it.
Gerard was wondering why this hurt so much, Wasn’t this suppose to feel good? Gerard thought that maybe they weren’t doing it right. Maybe there was a certain way? Gerard was starting to wish that he hadn’t talked Frank out of watching that gay porn DVD they found the other day.
Frank decided to try something different and moved himself slightly, so he was hitting different angles now. When Gerard’s eyes suddenly turned wide, Frank sighed in relief; maybe he was finally doing something right. Frank repeated pushing himself into that certain place and when Frank heard the very first moan escape from Gerard’s lips Frank stopped what he was doing just to stare at Gerard.
Gerard looked at Frank, his eyebrows raised in question. Frank realizing that he wasn’t actually meant to stop closed his eyes with humiliation and continued on.
Frank could almost feel the awkwardness from that very moment, He was so thankful that Gerard never brought that up.
Then there was the ‘episode’ afterwards.
Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank and pulled him closer. They both laid there in the bed, just taking in everything that had just happened. Gerard felt Frank softly shake against him; he could hear soft sobs echoing from Frank. Gerard moved his hand and placed it softly on the side of Franks face.
“Gerard, you can’t have sex with me. You cant your imaginary, you’re not real. Your not real, that didn’t happen, Gerard it couldn’t have” Frank cried tears streaming down his face.
Gerard kept silent, he didn’t know what to say.
“That’s the first time Gerard, The first time and it’s not even real. I should be fucking some nice pretty girl and I should have friends, loads of friends to go and brag about it too. But no, I have you” Frank continued on, saying things that he really didn’t mean.
Gerard removed his hand from Franks face. He sat up upon the bed and sighed softly. With both of his arms he picked Frank up from where he laid and placed him into his lap. Frank settled himself in and buried his head into Gerard chest. He continued to cry and only got louder as he went on. Gerard held Frank tightly and rocked him slightly back and forth.
Eventually Frank stopped crying.
“I have you and there’s nothing else I could ever want more” Frank said, trying to get Gerard to understand how sorry he was for the things he said, for the way he reacted.
“I know” Gerard said not needing to hear another word, He understood.
Frank thought the first time was the worst.
But he was never going to forget it.
I hope that second part made sense, well I hope I wrote it right anyways. Review, before I start stabbing things.