The paranoia of a group of magic users led them to create a living book containing all their knowledge which grows with time. A neglected Harry Potter stumbles across it and his life changes
- Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!is horus gonna be updated anytime soon?
Author's responsethe muse does not cooperate on that one though I did spend a while going over and saying where did the proofed versions go.
(#) Wonderbee31 2008-04-14You know, this is very different, and extremly interesting. This Harry is an innocent and cold-blooded at the same time, and going to be curious to see how things go when he gets to Hogwarts, as well as how things will go with he and Hermione, since they know each other already. Kiki reminds me a bit like Chachazero from Negima, though a lot more bloodthirsty, and would love to someday see someone draw a pitcture of Harry and his friends, Kiki, Trouble, Night, Anne, Alice and Hermione, in a group portrait.
(#) rdgale2000 2008-05-12I would think the obvious thing with regards to Harry not being able to call his parents up is --- THEY AREN'T DEAD!!
I think Dumbledore may be a little stringy for Kiki's taste, but, we will see...
Author's responseNope sorry they are dead just going with AK having a different purpose originally... Oh and Dumbledore is while not evil a bit manipulative yet he tries to rationalize it when he does notice it though most times he won't know he si doing it.
(#) AnthonyR224 2008-09-11interesting idea, but you do need to work on your writing ability, the chapter ive read so far was closer to a rambling stream of thought and facts rather than an engaging story. basically, to me it seemed somewhat closer to an essay, or a summary, than an actual story to me. Ill read on and see if your writing style improves.
- I concur with Anthony. Though the premise seems nice and the start is relatively well executed, it really seems as if it's... well, I hesitate to say "rushed", because whilst it does seem that way it also manages to take ages to actually get to where you're going.
And, what purpose is there to adding a multitude of OC characters (each with their own pets, no less, which just complicates things further).
I've only read the first chapter so far, so perhaps it improves later on.
- Pretty interesting idea and the details are fairly well spelled out. I'll keep reading, but just one point : I think your two girls are a bit young at this stage (Harry is still under 11 so the are even younger) to be able to use their own menstrual blood in rituals.
I actually found the time flow rather vague and confusing but it was still a fun read. Cheers ...p
- Menses blood? From a nine-year-old? Girls don´t have periods until at least 12, 11 for extremely early bloomers, and in some cases, girls can have their first period at 15. Please consider changing that to something else.
Good story, I will keep on reading ;) Interesting start, though I´d like to read a little more dialog than simply description. It would be easier to read.
- I read very far into this story - though I haven't got caught up - and I'd like to drop a proposal here. This story has a great idea, and the plot is just as good. The problem is that this story is far, far longer than it needs to be. There are entire long paragraphs, very frequently, that rehash previously established ideas. Removing them wouldn't cause anything to be lost. There are also long discussions, that while not necessarily bad per se, don't add to plot or develop the characters - it's just the characters discussing some idea, sometimes repeatedly over several conversations. We see everything the characters do in the summer, so there's no real need to talk about those plans in great detail beforehand. The characters can plan, but it doesn't need to be shown. Streamlining this story would make it significantly more readable.
(#) reptoholic 2014-04-27Love the first chapter. Original work. Am looking forward to reading more. I do hope the progressions keeps up and he does not mellow and become a happy go lucky idiot like most shows portray the characters. I am likeing his dark attitude and hope he keeps it up.
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