Another failed intervention, another heartbreak. And this time there'll be no second chances.
I sat in the van with my coffee, which I hadn’t touched, looking over at Gerard. His coffee was long gone and now he was just sitting and tapping his feet. We were on our way back across to Jersey. That was the end of our tour. We’d have a break, then start writing. Gerard had ignored me all morning. It’s not like I didn’t expect it. Gerard didn’t know what love was. All he knew was his drugs. I fought back a sob. I couldn’t cry. I told him what I thought, and he obviously didn’t care. I may as well just get over it. I walked to my bunk, leaving my cold coffee on the table. I climbed up and in, laying down and pulling the curtain shut. I looked at the metal ceiling and felt the sting of tears in my eyes. It wasn’t fair… Gerard liked drugs more than me. It’s pathetic. I rolled over and heard a crumple of paper. I sat up and lifted my pillow, seeing a folded piece of paper. I unfolded it and read the familiar handwriting.
Frankie. Please believe me when I say that I’m truly sorry. I would if I could, believe me. I turned the paper over, feeling more tears come, and there on the back in tiny writing that I had to lift the paper to my face to see, the lyrics to that stupid song he was singing the other day I don’t know any lullabies, I don’t know how to make you mine, but I can learn. I tore the paper in half and threw myself back down. That’s all he had to say to me? Sorry and a song that meant nothing? He couldn’t even try to make things work? I didn’t bother trying to stop the tears, nor the sadness that plagued my whole existence from that moment. I just lay in bed doing nothing for what seemed like hours, ignoring the guys’ calls. That is until I got a visit…
“Frank? Whatcha doing up there?” came Bob’s voice from below. “Er, nothing. Headache.” I felt shaking, which told me Bob was climbing into Mikey’s bunk, which was next to mine. He crawled over and pulled the curtain across “Come on man, we aren’t stupid. Please tell me what’s wrong.” I looked at him, then took a deep breathe. “Okay, man. Well, I just.. .I’m sick of Gerard and his problems. I hate how you can’t depend on him for anything. I hate the way he treats us. I hate how he breaks promises. I hate everything about him. But most of all… I hate that I still love him more that anything.” I finished, breaking down. Bob put his arm around me and rubbed my back soothingly, not saying anything. It was okay, I knew what he was saying. After a while I stopped crying long enough to say thank you to Bob, who shook his head “Man, it’s fine. We’re your best friends. Would it shock you to know we feel the same way? Maybe if you put the last part in a different context though…Don’t think that’d work for us.” I smiled, as Bob continued “How Gerard acts affects us all. Not to mention the fans. We cut short this tour to take our break, and to write an album that probably won’t come out for years. We know there’s something wrong with Gerard, we’re not blind. And it hurts us too. Why he has to do this to us, you, himself, his family… It kills Mikey, you know. But anyway, why, we don’t know. We’ve tried to stop him, there isn’t much we can do. But when he wakes up to himself, and realises what he’s done, he’ll hate himself for it. The only question is whether or not you’ll still be there waiting when that happens. And that’s something you decide.” He hugged me and climbed out “Anyway, we’re going to dinner. Come, please.” I nodded and he smiled and walked away. I thought about what he said, and he was right. I was being selfish… So was Gerard, but that wasn’t my problem. I walked out to the living area where Mikey was playing Xbox and sat next to him. “Hey man.” I said. “Oh hey. What’s up?” I watched him a minute. I guess I already knew that he was being hurt by Gerard too.. They were so close. But I really hadn’t thought of it like that. “Can we talk?” Mikey paused his game and turned to me “Yeah sure. What’s on your mind?” I swallowed, and thought for a second how to sum it up. “Well it’s complicated. I’m not apologising, but I want to just say that I know how you feel about Gerard. I’ve been ignoring all you guys and making effort to change him, thinking I’m the only one who cares. I know that isn’t true, Mikes.” I quickly hugged him and then he nodded “Yeah, we kinda guessed. I assume Bob talked to you?” I nodded “Yeah. Well we wanted to have one last intervention and if that doesn’t work we’ll give up. I’m thinking as far as rehab if we need to.” I opened my mouth in shock. We promised Gerard about a year ago to never send him to rehab, or a doctor, ever. “Yeah I remember what we told him. But it’s for his own good man. It’s no longer about what Gerard wants, it’s beyond that. We need to focus on what he needs now.” I nodded slowly and said “So when is this intervention?” Mikey stood up, and I did too. “Well, it was whenever you talked to one of us about it. And now you have. And you’ve agreed on the idea, so I guess… Now?” I nodded and bit my lip, following Mikey to the kitchen. Ray and Bob were there, making milkshakes. “Have a shake, man..” Said Ray, grinning. I smiled back and took a frosty glass full of delicious looking milkshake. “yeah, so we’re gonna talk to Gee now. Frank says it’s a good idea.” Bob and Ray both nodded and Ray rinsed the shake maker and put it in the cupboard. We all stood sipping our drinks while Mikey went and fetched Gerard. My hands were shaking, I was so nervous. I mean, Gerard hated me.. Why would he want help from me? I remembered that night where we’d laid in bed and he talked to me about how insecure he was. Was that the real Gerard, or was this? It was all so confusing. I sipped my shake as Mikey and an irritated looking Gerard walked in. Mikey patted one of the chairs and Gerard sat down, pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Ray smiled his way and put a milkshake in front of Gerard, which he wrinkled his nose at and pushed away. Ray looked slightly hurt. God Gerard is an asshole sometimes, I thought angrily. Mikey patted Ray on the shoulder and looked at Bob, who rolled his eyes and looked at me. “What?” I said. Bob looked pointedly at Ray, who looked confused and then said “Well shit guys. Gerard? We need to talk to you.” Gerard glared at each of us in turn, looking hurt and angry. When his eyes landed on me I turned away and took any empty glasses to the sink. “The guys and me have talked, and we think you should seriously reconsider the way you’re living your life at the moment.” Gerard rolled his eyes and laughed sarcastically, putting his cigarette out on the table. “You’re not only doing serous mental and physical damage to yourself, but you’re hurting everyone else now too. The fans, your mother. Don’t think she doesn’t know what goes on here. You’ve hurt those that love you.” I felt my face burn. “Any emotion or compassion you had has gone out of you, Gerard, and it’s a fucking shame. We all care about you, and you need to make a change, quickly, or you’ll die.” Gerard did nothing but raise his eyebrows “Okay…” He said after a short silence. “What the fuck?” said Mikey. “Okay? That’s all? That’s all you can do for us? We cancelled shows, put the band on a fucking break in the middle of our popularity rise. You don’t give a shit about anything anymore! I fucking hate you.” And with that he stormed out. Bob went after him, and I just turned around to face the sink again. I don’t really know what happened next, but I heard the scraping of chair against floor, and then a whisper which I think ray thought I couldn’t hear. “Gerard, this was your last chance. You are killing Frank. You are hurting Michael. You hurt us all, and mark my words, you’ll regret it.” And then I heard him walk out. I didn’t know what to do… I wanted to walk out, but I was glued to the spot. I was so angry, how could he treat anyone who loved him so much like he just treated the guys? “Frankie? I’ve been meaning to talk to you, too…” said Gerard in a small voice. I didn’t reply, or turn around. But for some reason, I was crying again. “Again, I’m sorry for how I acted the other day. And I want.. No I need you to know that I feel exactly the same way. I love you, Frank. I do… But…” I whipped around and said “Yes Gerard, cause you act it so don’t you? You love aaaall of us don’t you? You love us so much you write lovely songs for us, telling us exactly how you feel, rather than just say it to our faces. You tell your problems to a bottle of tequila over your best friend. We could have had to much, Gerard. But now I don’t even know whether I can be in the same fucking bus as you, let alone bed! I’m through trying to save you. So you spend the rest of your fucking life curled up with a bottle, and just forget about us. Cause I’m sure as hell gonna forget about you.” And then I walked out, to where the guys were in the bunks, comforting Mikey.