Patrick upsets Cammy in more ways than imaginable. Did he do something unforgiveable?
I sat at home, utterly bored; the day after everybody had left so hastily. Cammy wasn’t home, Brendon was sleeping (still), Pete was with Moony, Andy and Joe were out buying new video games, Jon was at a dentist appointment, I wasn’t sure where Patrick was and Spence…Spence was home. An idea sparked in my head and set off a reassuring light.
And, ironically, my cell phone rang, alerting that I had a new text message from Spence. Whether it was a good omen or a bad one was to be found out in the following conversation.
Ry!, he wrote to me.
Spence!, I wrote back.
Look at this, he told me, as I received a picture message. It was of the bridge overlooking the lake his house was on, and two silhouettes created by the setting sun in the background, sitting next to each other.
Are you spying on some innocent people, Spence? You need a new hobby, I wrote to him, laughing.
No, they’re not just random people, though. It’s Cammy and Patrick, he informed me.
How do you know? I wondered, not believing him for a second.
I received a new sound attached to his next text.
Listen to THAT, and then tell me it’s not them, Spencer insisted. I could just imagine the grin plastered to his face now.
I opened the sound and listened intently. There was a tiny voice in the distance, but highly distinguished from most others I knew. And then there was no doubting it was Patrick and Cammy. A sort of agony overcame me suddenly, and another feeling of envy working its way toward my face. Like I had said before, everybody was tearing her away from me, letting her float away from my grasp with smiles on their damned faces, because they were the currents of air taking her away. And I didn’t like it in the least.
You’re right, it is them, I wrote back to Spencer.
He sent me more pictures of them; I skipped quickly over most of them, until one finally caught my attention and decency.
Looks like a budding relationship, right? He texted me.
Yeah, I said bluntly.
I gawked at the picture my phone was displaying. After rubbing my eyes to make sure I wasn’t imagining anything, I looked closer. They were standing there, hand in hand, heads closer than normal friends. I could have sworn they were kissing, heads leaned in towards each other. I could imagine them now, wanting each other more than life itself, as I wanted her.
And like she had told me she had wanted me, but was doubting at this very minute.
Was that a kiss in the last one? I asked him, wondering if it was just me being paranoid.
It looks like it doesn’t it? Spence replied. Aw, I’m so happy for them.
Me too, I lied. Spence, I have to go. Bye, Buddy, I finished.
Okay, widdle wywo. I’ll see you later. Bye =-), he sent me.
Then I hung up. She wasn’t mine to fondle with anymore. I had to tell her soon, or else it would be too late.
Patrick and I decided to walk back before it got too dark out. I hated to leave the place where so many memories had taken place, let it drift away like a boat forgotten to be tied to the dock. But I did, and we were finally back in his car, the engine rumbling to life, like a terrified animal. We drove silently, reflecting on our new experiences, watching everything whip past us in a blur of colors.
I imagined what it would be like if that was the only way we saw things; blurs of images. We’d have to piece things together with one another, leaving some of us out in the cold, as we aren’t all natural problem solvers. Reds turned to blues turned to yellows and so on, leaving me hollow and empty inside. Leaving all of this was hurting, and it was hurting tremendously.
By now, Spence must have sent the pictures to everybody. I couldn’t help but feel betrayed, both me and for them. They needed their privacy, no matter how much I wished that I had been Patrick, gladly letting her head rest on my shoulder. And if we looked into each other’s eyes the way Cammy looks at him or at Brendon or even Pete, I would let my lips accidentally take a wrong turn and land firmly on hers. Now if only my fantasies became as real as my angst was now, everything would be fine for me. But of course, life is a cruel, harsh game that leaves you corrupt and out of options until you’re nothing but a hollow outline of a former person. Until you’re uninhibited of emotions or feeling, leaving you a person that always uses ‘once was’ instead of ‘is now’ or ‘will be’. I was taking on the challenge of winning life, and was currently failing miserably, watching my ship sink and my crew perish in front of me. And I was the horrible captain who allowed it all, even caused it all to happen, without even taking a chance to try and stop it. I took the safe route, found myself a one man life boat and paddled myself to a serrated island.
Life had won as far as I could see.
It had stripped me bare of all of my feelings, stolen my dignity, and run off with my bravery. I was nothing now; just an empty body with a sign written on my chest that read, ‘The former Ryan Ross.’
My tomb stone would say ‘Didn’t think life was worth living without her.’
No one would never know that I had meant Cammy.
We pulled into Patrick’s drive way, empty.
Almost, anyway. It came as a surprise to see another unfamiliar car parked there in the spot that I normally occupied with mine, and I stepped out of the car to see something considerably unexpected.
Addi was waiting on his porch at his door step.
As he approached, bright red with embarrassment, she kissed him full on the lips.
He had changed, like we all did, and I hated it.
It wasn’t anything like how Ry and I had altered.
“Patrick, you’d tell me if anything happened, right?”
“Of course I would. It’s nothing. Forget it,” He insisted, as we lined the edges of the tracks with our sneakers.
Nothing happened to him emotionally, nothing happened physically, not even just a bit.
But he had lied.