I walked down the cobblestone street that Maddy lived on. She really did live in a nice part of the city. I walked quickly up the stairs, eager to see her. Not even bothering to knock, I let myself in.
"Maddy?" I shouted. I closed the door behind me and continued down the hall,"You here?"
I felt a pair of arms wrap around my chest and a kiss fell upon my back. She rested her head against my back and let out a breath. We stayed like that for a few seconds, taking each other in.
"You okay?" she asked me.
"I don't know. You seem a bit tense, I suppose."
I turned around and looked into her concerned eyes, which still had this loving spark to them.
"Can we talk?" I asked politely.
"Sure," she replied with a smile. She took my hand started leading me out of the hallway.
"Where are you taking me?" I humorously asked.
"Well we can cuddle and talk at the same time, right?"
"Well, yea, I suppose."
"Great, then we are going upstairs to my bed." I nodded my head silently. As she continued to clutch my hand up the stairs, down the hallway, and finally to her bedroom. She made our way to the bed and pulled me under the covers with her. It took a second or two for us to get settled. She nuzzled into my chest and shut her eyes.
"You're not going to fall asleep on me, are you?" I joked.
"No, I'm listening. Go ahead, what did you want to talk about?" She replied. Even though her eyes were shut, I could still detect the amount of care and comfort in her voice.
"You know that I leave today, right?"
"Do you have to?" she asked, opening her eyes to look up at me.
"Yeah," I frowned," I have a tour to finish."
"Uh, but I feel like if you go, that-" she wouldn't finish her sentence, but I knew what was going on in her head.
"We won't break up again," I smiled down at her,"ever, again."
"I just don't want you to leave. When I'm in your arms I feel safe and I feel like I finally know what's right."
"We won't be apart for long. Recording for the cab begins in three months."
"Three months is a long time, though."
"I can probably manage to sneak a flight to New York every once in awhile."
"Speaking of sneaking around," she began.
Oh shit! She knows. Pete must have told her, I'll kill him.
"I kinda told Jade about us," she finished meekly.
"Really?" I asked shocked.
"Yes, and I'm sorry! I know that we weren't supposed to say anything, but she sort of had somewhat of an idea."
"Well, Pete knows, too."
"WHAT? You told him?"
"No, he figured it out himself and told Ashlee."
"What you told Jade."
"Yea, but Jade doesn't really hang out with anybody that I really don't want to know."
"I'm sure our secret is safe with the three of them."
"I hope so."
"There's another thing that we need to talk about."
I kept feeling that bad news was coming my way. Things haven't been this good in awhile and I really didn't believe that they could stay that way. I worried that it was taking him so long to get out what he was trying to say. He just kept his eyes shut and pulled me closer. Brendon was never one to be shy, so whatever is taking this long to get out could not be a positive thing. He finally opened his eyes back up and let out an exasperated sigh.
"Maddy," he began.
"What is it, Bren?" I asked cautiously, trying to hold back tears. Tears of fear for what may fall from his perfect lips.
"...I would like for you to move back in with me." he finished with an anxious look on your face. I was shocked and didn't really know what to say. He continued to penetrate me with his eyes. I guess he was searching for an emotion at this point.
"Brendon, I would really love to but," I began, trying to figure out the easiest way to put this.
"But what, Baby?" he asked as he began to stroke my back.
"I love my house right now and what about Jade? Where is she going to live?"
"You can keep the house with Jade. You can come back anytime you want. I just can't stand being away from you any longer."
"How am I going to afford two mortgages?"
"You're not going to pay for the condo in Las Vegas."
"Why can't we just visit each other all the time?"
"Because, Maddy, I want to wake up next to you everyday."
"Brendon, I just-"
"Maddy, stop lying to me. What is the real reason you don't want to come back home?"
It was funny that he called it that. Home. I mean i really hadn't called it home in close to six months.
"Brendon there are just too much of an image there that I don't ever want to see again."
I knew instantly what she was talking about and it reminded me of how much of a prick I was. I could not even blame her for feeling this way.
"I'll buy us a new place. A better place. Wherever you want." I offered, no I begged her. She began to cry a bit. I didn't know what else to say.
"Maddy, what's going on? What is it, love?" I asked pleadingly. I wanted to know the answer to why she was so upset.
"I don't want to move back in together because I'm afraid something will happen again." I stood up from the bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked utterly shocked by my reaction. I paced the room a bit and felt my face get hot.
"YOU DONT TRUST ME!" I shouted.
"What? I didn't say that," she defended.
"You didn't have to," I mumbled.
"Maddy, I understand that I hurt you and I feel terrible, but I thought we'd be able to start over. I mean look at the past two days! They have been amazing. Please, Maddy trust me! I won't hurt again! I'm laying my heart on the line and I know you are too, but you aren't giving me it all and I'm giving my all to you. YOU have ME! Not the other way around. Please, Maddy. Please" I knelt down to the side of her bed. Tears stinging my eyes, wishing that she would find my truth and hold on to it. She began to open her lips and I wan hungry to hear her answer.
"I'm sorry, I'm just not ready." It stung to hear her answer.
"I'm sorry, too; but, I can't be in a relationship with you if you don't trust me. When you feel that I'm worthy of your trust give me a call." I got up of the ground and walked out of the room. I made my way out of the house. I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but I need to know that she trust me or I won't be able to feel worthy of her. All I had to do was go back to the hotel and the to the airport.
I sat there in shock. I can't believe he just walked out.