Categories > TV > O.C.0 Reviews
Marissa and Alex were cruising down the highway one day when a cop pull them over. Little did they know it's no ordinary cop.
Summary: Marissa and Alex were enjoying a joyride until a cop pulls them over.
Spoilers/Warnings: Violence, Language
Marissa and Alex's Cruising
Summary - Marissa and Alex were driving down the highway until a cop came up, things weren't the same after that.
Disclaimer - I do not own nor care to own the characters of O.C but who really want these spoiled brats? I probably would want Mischa Barton so I can feed her to my Pitbulls. Nah, I can't do that, a Skin-And-Bones diet isn't good for them.
Rating - M
Marrisa and Alex were doing what they do best, acting stupid. They were driving down the highway at 90 mph (typical California speed) in their convertible when they heard a siren.
"What's that behind us?" Marissa said.
"Oh shit, it's a cop!" Alex responded, noticing that I was on my motorcycle with my police gear on. I though I would have to bribe the OCPD for borrowing their uniform and motorcycle but when I told them I was gonna kill Marissa Cooper, they give it to me for free! It seems that they were sick and tired of writing police reports on her.
As the siren was on I signaled those two skanks to pull over.
"Why is he trying to pull us over, we are only doing 90 mph!" Alex asked with a questioning look.
"Just pull over, I think we can explain to the cop if you know what I mean." Marissa responded then winked at Alex with the subtle code of what they THINK they're gonna do to me.
You see people Marissa and Alex are bisexuals and one and only one thing bisexuals are good at is sex. They use it for every mean to fulfill their manipulative selfish ends, but back to the story.
They finally pulled over (after 10 miles of me putting on the sirens), then I pull up next to them and pretend that I was gonna give them a ticket.
"Licence and registration please." I said
"What are we doing wrong officer?" Alex responded on the driver side of the car.
"Licence and registration please, don't let me repeat myself." I said.
"Why are you pulling us over officer? Come on now, we are not the type of people you would want to arrest." Alex said with her obnoxious Cali accent.
"Yeah officer, we're rich and white! You're suppose to only arrest the dark-skinned people" Marissa said.
When that ugly-ass ho said that I nearly flip my lid, she got some nerves saying that.
"OK, get da fuck out of the car, both of you NOW!"
"No way dude!" Marissa shouted back. So they wanna play tough with me huh? I took my night stick and smashed the front headlights, that got their attention.
"OK, OK, please don't smash my car up, that's a brand new car my daddy gave me!" Alex said with great concern on her face, but I didn't give a shit. Eventually the two girls came out of the car and I told them to place their hands on the car. Then I cuffed both of them by their hands first and then I did something else: I cuffed them by their ankles as well. To cuff Marissa was hard since her body is like a toothpick, I ended up using a rope instead, none of the cuffs would fit correctly.
"What the fuck are you doing officer?"
"Arresting your bony bisexual ass, Marissa."
"How the fuck do you know my name?"
By now I think it was about time to reveal to her who I really was. I took off my helmet and then my sunglasses. When she saw me it looks like as if she just saw a ghost (and believe me that's NOT a pretty sight).
"OH SHIT, NOT YOU!" she responded.
"Yes me, bitch!"
Alex was confused by now, but then again aren't all bisexuals? "What's going on? Do you know this guy Marissa?"
"Yes I know this son-of-a-bitch, He killed my good friend Katie and her lover Jessie a few years back in Chicago. I'll never forgive you for it, NEVER!"
So I grabbed that Ethiopian/Somalian Reject by the root of her hair and slammed that mixed nut's head on the car's trunk.
"SHUT DA FUCK UP BITCH! SHUT DA FUCK UP! What I'm gonna do to both of ya is gonna be even worse than what I did to Jessie and your Pussy Pal Katie."
"By the way you had a lot of nerves saying that stupid comment about dark-skinned people getting arrested. Just look at you, I seriously doubt that you are purely white. You look like a scientific test tube hybrid experiment gone terribly wrong." She looked like a cross between an anorexic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Penelope Cruz, and a Treasure Troll.
Now let the games begin, watch me take out these two Cherry Smackers.
I then grabbed Marissa and pulled her next to Alex, I was standing somewhat in between them in the centre. "Since both of you are filthy bisexuals, I'm gonna introduce you to another partner who very much interested in a three-some, my night stick! By the way, my night stick does swing both ways. LOL"
"What the fuck do you mean." Alex said.
"This is what I mean:" I pulled out my night stick and started to alternate hits between both Marissa's and Alex's stomachs, while in the process of hitting them I was saying "DING DONG" like i was hitting a bell.
"DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG, now that's what I call 'swinging both ways' LOL!"
Right now they were crying and begging me to stop, but they didn't know that I was just getting started. I then pull out my branding iron so I can put some labels on these two swing sets. I burned "SKANK" on Alex's head and "UGLY" on Marissa's.
I went into the car and found some CDs of Christina Aguilerra, Kylie Minogue, Nelly Furtado (a Canadian disgrace), Ani DiFranco, Fergie, and T.a.T.u (hey that reminds me of that time when I was in St. Petersburg, Russia, I killed those two Russian Rug Munchers when I stuck a sickle up their... you know what!). So I took them out and started to smash them on both of their heads.
The I decided to take care of Alex first, after all business before pleasure. "So you're name is Alex right? Well I guess I learned a new lesson from you."
"When I have a daughter I will never give her a unisex or a boy's name, because there's a good chance that she might turn into a lesbian or worse yet a bisexual like you." Don't believe me, here are some examples: Alex from O.C., Jessie from Once And Again, Spencer from South Of Nowhere, another Alex from the movie "It's In The Water".
"You are an evil fuck." Alex retorted.
"You'll about to see how evil I am you See Saw." So I grabbed her by her neck with my nails digging into her skin and smashed her head onto the car door twice. Then I opened the door and place her head in between the door and slammed her head with the car door. After that while still holding her neck I slammed her head onto the steering wheel.
Next I got some jumper cables from the motorcycle and opened the car roof. I put on one end of the jumper cables on the battery and the other end on Alex's nipples. Then I got in the car and press the gas pedal all the way down to the metal. "Now that's my version of electro-shock therapy, LOL" She was screaming in agony from the electricity she was receiving.
I see that I've done enough damage to Alex, now it's my turn to focus on Marissa. So I grabbed Marissa the same way I grabbed Alex, by her neck with my nails in her skin (yeah I did it out of spite) and then I slammed her head onto the front window till it totally shattered. Then I went and smashed her head on every window on the car, including the rear view mirror. By this time that Test-Tube Baby was looking uglier than Mischa Barton, I didn't think that was even humanly possible. Then I slammed the car door on her twice, but I wasn't done yet. I grabbed the jumper cables that I used earlier and was going to put it on Marissa's tits, but I see that she's as flat as Diana Ross, so I put them on her goofy ears. Then I got in the car and press the gas pedal all the way down to the metal. She was screaming in agony from the electricity she was receiving.
By this time both girls were screaming and crying, so I got two filthy rags (bisexual rainbow flags), sneezed on it and stuffed it in their mouths.
Then I told her more about Katie: "I just want to tell you that you it was a joy to see Katie in the same position that you are now a few years ago! I still remember that day, when I pistol-whipped her and Jessie, then I tied them up and drag those two Clam Diggers down the steps. Hearing them screaming was music to my ears. Finally I burned those two Female Faggots in the furnace. I was smiling on that day."
I lay them both on the ground and then I went in the car and ran them over and just for good measures reversed the car and ran them over again.
Then I put Alex in the car and shoved that toothpick Marissa in the tail pipe. I siphoned some of the gas from the car and pour it on Alex's. Then I got a match and then put it on Alex. Finally after a few seconds:
I was done with those two See-Saws.
A few days later while I was still in Newport Beach, Orange County a person came up to me.
"Hey aren't you the guy who killed Marissa and Alex a couple of days back."
With my left hand on my gun in the holster I said "Yeah, why?"
"Hey everybody, this is the guy who killed those two spoiled brats, let's celebrate!"
"YEAH!!!!" The crowd said in unison.
That was a big surprise to me, I was actually considered a hero! They held a parade for me, it was nice to be appreciated for making the world a better place from those people. It seems to me that everybody was sick and tired of Marissa's and Alex's crap.
However during the parade a guy came up to me, it was Marissa on-again, off-again, stupid boyfriend Ryan.
"Dude, you are so fucking dead! You killed the love of my life and yet WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY CELEBRATING?!"
"That's because everybody knows that your girlfriend is a dirty ass, confused, test-tube baby slut."
He looked at with raging hate, a look that not even the ugliest bike-riding butch could make. Then he made the biggest mistake of his life, he was about to swing at me with his fist cocked back. However I pulled out my gun and shot him point blank in the head.
For a while the crowd was stunned from what they saw, but then the parade was back on again.
Then the mayor of Newport Beach came up to me.
"Could you do us a huge favor and get rid of the rest of the spoiled kids in this county?"
"But isn't that half of the population?"
"Yes, but we'll pay you for it."
"Hmm... I just got one question to ask you."
"What is it?"
"Where's the nearest gun shop?"