Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
I'm Gonna Take It To The Top!
0 reviewsFitz and Brett DeMarco are in a mountain climbing competition with Blitzo and Moxxie from Helluva Boss
0Unrated
First off. In this fanfic, I am not going to use the Paradise PD. Instead Fitz, Brett, and the Legion of DOOOOOM will be the main characters in this. Alongside Blitzo and Moxxie from Helluva Boss who they are in competition with. The Paradise PD will be back in my next one I promise you all that. I also watched a little bit of the Archer episode The Archer Sanction for inspiration.
Until then enjoy this one!
Paradise PD and Helluva Boss
Fanfic Title:
I'm Gonna Take It To The Top!
by: Trenton Sands
On their way to the Lovely Corp Building. Fitz and Brett DeMarco were driving their limo there. With a high level of anticipation and excitement. Fitz wanted to take his criminal leader status to the next level. Brett DeMarco was excited to be a part of an evil corporation despite being a pharmecidical rep and Fitz's second in command.
Fitz: Wow! I can just feel it now! In five minutes we're going to dmoniate Lovely Corp!
Brett DeMarco: Right from under Charles Lovely's ass! Hopefully, this is a $350 Million Dollar check we have. He's sure to hand it over to us!
Fitz: He can have a nice retirement once we're in charge.
Brett DeMarco: He said he's going to go into retirement on his Instagram page. Imagine all the power we are going to have.
Fitz: Hell, I can be both. A Kingpin and a corrupt corporate official!
Brett DeMarco: Oh! There it is!
Fitz: Next stop, Lovely Corp!
Parking their limo in the Lovely Corp parking lot. Fitz and Brett DeMarco walk inside. In the meeting room there was the man himself. Charles Lovely.
Charles Lovely: I am Charles Lovely! What can I do for you fine gentle-le-men today?
Fitz: We have a proposition for you!
Charles Lovely: Okay, what will it be today, boy-eeess?
Brett DeMarco (hands over check): This is a check for $350 Million.
Charles Lovely: Perfect I was thinking of retiring anyway.
Fitz: YES! YES! I knew it!
Brett DeMarco: We follow you on Instagram.
Charles Lovely: Just one thing though.
Fitz: Great! What is it?
Brett DeMarco: There's always a fucking catch.
Charles Lovely: I already gave my company to another evil duo.
Fitz: WHAT THE FUCK!
Brett DeMarco: Who are these fuckasses you gave your company too! Boy am I surprised!
Out of the shadows came to humanoid looking demons. Their names were Blitzo and Moxxie.
Fitz: They look like demon versions of Al Capone and Frank Nitti. From The Untouchables!
Blitzo: We were the better pick for running this company.
Brett DeMarco: Hey wait a minute! I know who you guys are! You're Blitzo and Moxxie from that Youtube Cartoon Helluva Boss!
Moxxie: Correct! How did you ever know?
Fitz: You guys have the most overrated adult cartoon ever!
Brett DeMarco: The guys in our Legion of DOOOOOM love your show and would not shut up about you!
Blitzo: Awesome we have so many fans!
Moxxie: I suggest you both leave now.
Charles Lovely: Since they're from Hell, and they're also assassins for hire. Therefore they'd be perfect for my company!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco stood in disbelief.
Scene 2:
Still inside the Lovely Corp Building, Fitz and Brett DeMarco try to find a way to negotiate.
Fitz: We had a huge check, and yet you picked them?
Charles Lovely: I just hired them for free-eeee!
Brett DeMarco: We're the better men for the job.
Fitz: How dare you overlook us? You guys don't know your way around Paradise!
Blitzo: We can learn.
Moxxie: When we run this place we'll be unstoppable!
Fitz: That was our fucking plan!
Charles Lovely: Demons and gentlemen! Please! There is a way we can settle this.
Brett DeMarco: I'm listening.
Charles Lovely: How about both of you evil duos come to my mountain resort in the French Alps.
Blitzo: What are we going to do there?
Charles Lovely: Both of you evil teams will climb to the top of the French Alps. Also, I have a mission for the four of you.
Moxxie: Ooooh a mission! This will be fun!
Charles Lovely: On the top of the French Alps, my evil shadow lives up there. He's always trying to kill me. So whichever team makes it to the top of the French Alps and kills my shadow gets my company. Do we have a deal?
Fitz and Brett DeMarco love the offer. They shake hands with their demonic rivals from Helluva Boss.
Moxxie, Blitzo, Fitz, and Brett DeMarco: Deal! Sounds good.
Charles Lovely: Okay. Report back here tomorrow and I'll fly you all in my private jet! Bring some friends al-long if you'd like.
Scene 3:
The next day, Fitz, Brett DeMarco, Blitzo and Moxxie were flying to the French Alps. Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, Russian Mobster and Zeta were there too.
Frank Flipperfist: If and when you win Fitz. You're not going to dump us are you?
Pedro Pooptooth: We'd love to be part of Lovely Corp too, Puto.
Fitz: Oh no. Why would I?
Russian Mobster: We'll be in the Alps in 1...2....3....4......
Brett DeMarco: Knock that shit off. Still doing that counting?
Russian Mobster (squirming): YEESSSHH!
Fitz: So, tell me. Blitzo and Moxxie! What is it about your show that people love so much!
Blitzo: It's because our fans love our edgy humor, unique animation style and you ought to see our catchy musical number we do.
Moxxie: Not only that, diversity too! I'm bisexual you know.
Blitzo: We kill people who deserve it.
Moxxie: Sometimes innocent people too.
Brett DeMarco: Okay. You know killing people of Paradise is kind of our job.
Blitzo: We just want a homebase here on Earth. And what better place than Paradise Georgia! It's the murder captial of the world!
Moxxie: Blitzo is right, we'll feel right at home there killing people. What with those imcompetant police team they have there. We can get away with anything!
Blitzo: When we win. And we will, we shall call Lovely Corp, IMP2! Which is short for Immediate Murder Professionals.
Fitz: Being on a jet with these demon freaks is worse than being on Con Air with Nicholas Cage!
Brett DeMarco: Yeah, only with weird ass renditions of Lord Humugous and Wez from Mad Max 2.
Fitz (laughs and high fives Brett): Two in a row!
Blitzo and Moxxie: We resent that!
Zeta: Will we have to climb the Alps too?
Fitz: No, Zeta. You, Frank, Pedro, and Russian Mobster can stay in the resort cabin.
Charles Lovely: We are making our landing into the French Alps in 2-2 hours.
The private jet lands in the French Alps. Frank, Pedro, Zeta and Russian Mobster settle into a resort cabin. Charles Lovely decides to have Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson, and Mark Zuckerberg film the whole mountain climbing event. Fitz and Brett DeMarco take their places as do Blitzo and Moxxie.
Fitz: You didn't say this was going to be filmed.
Charles Lovely: Only the people in Paradise will see it. And Mark. You need to learn how to aim the camera high.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Hair! Higher Hair!
Jeff Bezo: No! Not higher hair you numbskull!
Richard Branson: Aim the camera high!
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Camera? Or Higher Hair!
Charles Lovely (pushes Mark aside): Oh, fuck off!
Scene 4:
The song In A Big Country by Big Country plays as Charles Lovely talks into the cameras.
Charles Lovely: Good day to all you viewers in Paradise! I am Charles Lovely! And I am going to retire from Lovely Corp. So I have with me two evil teams who want my company.
The camera pans to Fitz and Brett DeMarco. Who have lots of supplies for mountain climbing.
Charles Lovely: Over here we have joining us from Paradise Georgia. Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco. Local drug dealers and they shall be called "Team Kingpin".
The camera pans to Blitzo and Moxxie.
Charles Lovely: And over here we have joining us Hell. Blitzo and Moxxie. The guys I originally sold my company to until these Fitz and Brett jokers came along. They're demonic assassins so they shall be called "Team Demon!" Not only this will be telecast in Paradise, this will also be shown here too. So without further ado-do, I proudly present to you, this once in a lifetime TV special, "I'm Gonna Take It To The Top!"
Blitzo and Moxxie wave to the camera. The song ends.
Charles Lovely: Which one of these teams will make it to the top of the French Alps and be worthy to take over my company? There's also a bigger plan too. Tell them Jeff Bezos.
Jeff Bezos: Yes, our boss has his shadow bedevil him all the time and sometimes try to kill Charles Lovely. If he kills him, the shadow will take over Lovely Corp. We don't want that shit to happen now do we?
Richard Branson: That's correct, so if one of these teams kills Charles's shadow and reaches the top, that'll be another goal for our two teams. Over to you, Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Hair! Higher Hair! Higher Hair!
Charles Lovely (pushs Mark again): I thought I told you to fuck off! Fuck off! (pulls out a gun) Let the game begin!
As Charles Lovely shoots the gun, Fitz, Brett, Blitzo, and Moxxie all go to the mountain. In a resort cabin, Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, Zeta, and Russian Mobster all watch Fitz and Brett DeMarco take on Blitzo and Moxxie in an intense mountain climbling competition!
Frank Flipperfist: Yes! It's starting! It'll be like watching Lost Continent!
Pedro Pooptooth: Which version, Puto?
Frank Flipperfist: The one with Hugh Beamont!
Zeta: Go Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett!
Russian Mobster: I just measured the French Alps they are....
Frank and Pedro: No Counting!
Russian Mobster (sobbing): Why oh why doesn't anyone want me to count! I love to count! I live for count!
Frank Flipperfist: Stop feeling sorry for yourself and come watch...
Russian Mobster locks himself in the bathroom and fills the bathtub to take a shower and cry.
Pedro Pooptooth: Fuck! The last thing we need! We have to watch Fitz and Brett climb the Alps and instead we need to get Russian Mobster out of the bathroom!
Zeta: I know right? We should be watching Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett to support them.
Frank Flipperfist (knocks on bathroom door): Come on out! I'm sorry! No need to be like R. Kelly!
Russian Mobster: Leave me alone! (cries)
Pedro Pooptooth: He won't fucking come out. Now what'll we do?
Zeta: Suppose we can call Daddy Fitz.
Frank Flipperfist: If it gets too much then we will.
Scene 5:
Making their way into the French Alps, Blitzo and Moxxie were beginning to feel a little dizzy.
Moxxie: Suddenly I feel so weird.
Blitzo: It's the mountain altitude dummy! Try popping your ears.
Moxxie: We're used to mountains in Hell, but here it's so cold!
Fitz: Ha! Can't stand the altitude? That proves we're more likely the more likely team to win!
Brett DeMarco (unpacking a bag): I even have some climbing equipment! You guys didn't even come prepared!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco put on the mountain climbing gear. Then begin to climb the Alps to try to get ahead of Moxxie and Blitzo.
Moxxie: HA! We're not impressed!
Blitzo: We're demons! We have powers.
Moxxie: Yeah, we don't need that garbage.
Blitzo: That's right. We're the more popular adult cartoon so we have this contest in the bag.
Charles Lovely: Wow! Folks at home! What do you all think? There's already animosity between the two teams!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco ignore Blitzo's and Moxxie's taunting and the both of them get into a repel with a rope connected to each other.
Blitzo: Is that BDSM equipment!
Moxxie: Yeah, you guys!
Richard Branson (on megaphone): Pick it up people!
Blitzo: Don't call us people!
Moxxie: We're demons! We find it offensive if you call us people!
Richard Branson: Fine! Pick it up people and 'demons'! The weather is fine now but it can change on a dime!
Fitz (climbs Alps): Damn, we're up against some politically correct demons.
Brett DeMarco (climbs Alps): I hope this doesn't turn into a political thing.
Richard Branson: Good job. Stay on your line and work across towards the ridge.
Jeff Bezos (though megaphone): Looking good, guys! Looking real good!
Mark Zuckerberg (though megaphone): Bring me back some Higher Hair!
Fitz: Did you bring a cellphone, Brett?
Brett DeMarco: Yes I did.
The cellphone rings and Fitz answers it.
Fitz: What is it?
Frank Flipperfist: We're sorry to interupt you with your Mountain Climbing but Russian Mobster locked himself in a bathroom.
Fitz: Let me guess, you told him you were fed up with his counting. Am I right?
Frank Flipperfist (sighs): Yes.
Fitz: Why in the fuck did you do that? You know you can never......
Blitzo and Moxxie decide to cut the line Fitz and Brett DeMarco were using to climb the mountain while Fitz is on the phone.
Moxxie: Now we'll see who's better for the company!
Blitzo: Great thinking! We need to get our enemies when their guard is down!
Fitz (on phone): Listen up! This is your problem and.......
Before they knew it, Fitz and Brett DeMarco were falling.
Fitz: SHIT!
Brett DeMarco: Our rope's been cut!
Fitz: Those fucking demons are trying to jeopardize this thing for themselves!
Sliding down the mountain, Fitz and Brett DeMarco keep falling until they crash on a rock.
Fitz: Son of a bitch!
Brett DeMarco: These demons are really playing fucking dirty here!
Blitzo and Moxxie give Fitz and Brett DeMarco the middle finger.
Charles Lovely: Wow! This is something I have never seen before faithful viewers. It appears that Team Demon have cut the climbing repel that Team Kingpin were using. Oh my! What's this....
Jeff Bezos, Charles Lovely, Richard Branson, and Mark Zuckerberg film with cameras as they see Fitz and Brett DeMarco fix the climbing repel. Brett was able to fix it.
Charles Lovely: It's a BOOM-BOOM! Left turn! Now Team Kingpin is brushing themselves off and they're getting back up again!
Fitz: Damn Brett! You're an ace man! How did you fix this?
Brett DeMarco: Thanks for my Army Training, no less.
Climbing up the French Alps again, Fitz and Brett DeMarco were determined to catch up with Blitzo and Moxxie who were ahead.
Blitzo: HA HA HA! They went "Beyond The Edge!"
Moxxie: As soon as we reach the top and kill that shadow, we'll kill them too! Then Lovely Corp will be ours!
Scene 6:
In the resort cabin. Frank, Pedro and Zeta were trying to coax Russian Mobster out of the bathroom.
Pedro Pooptooth: Anybody know how to pick locks?
Frank Flipperfist: With my fins, hell no! I can't even throw fucking paper!
Zeta: We can look up a Youtube video!
Frank Flipperfist: I know! Hey Russian Mobster! I got some cards for you to count.
Russian Mobster: You guys are still here? You'll never get me out! I'll never count again! NEVER NEVER! Fuck off! (cries)
Frank Flipperfist: Great! He went from acting like the Count from Sesame Street to Don Music!
Pedro Pooptooth: Can you get find that Youtube video Zeta?
Zeta: Sure I can!
Frank, Pedro, and Zeta all found a Youtube video on how to pick a lock.
Zeta: Well, since Frank has dolphin fins, Pedro, you'll have to be the one to get him out.
Pedro Pooptooth: This'll be no problem for me, putos! You guys can call me The Locksmith!
Frank Flipperfist: Ryan Phillippe was in that.
Zeta: Please unlock it soon. We're missing Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett's greatest moment!
Scene 7:
Charles Lovely was talking into the camera about Fitz, Brett, Blitzo, and Moxxie climbing the French Alps. Fitz and Brett DeMarco were way behind.
Jeff Bezos: Team Kingpin doesn't stand a chance.
Charles Lovely: Yes sad but true. Team Demon has the upper hand because of their powers.
Richard Branson: For those of you who are watching at home, Team Kingpin is far behind while Team Demon is ahead.
Charles Lovely: Could be the dick move Team Demon played on them when they were distracted on the phone.
A far away rumbling was heard.
Moxxie: Blitzo? Do mountains have earthquakes?
Blitzo: Just ignore it. Look forward to our big victory.
Up in the French Alps, Fitz and Brett DeMarco were repelling up the Alps like the 1960's Batman and Robin.
Brett DeMarco: Mother fucker! Those cock licking demons from Helluva Boss, it's almost like they're cheating with their 'powers'.
Fitz: You got that right. Here we are doing everything right to climb a mountain and even have all the hardware and and gadgets for it.
Now Brett DeMarco and Fitz heard the rumbling. They tried not to think about the rumbling or what it could be.
Fitz: It's rather obvious they hit us when we were distracted.
Brett DeMarco: Yeah, when Frank called us about Russian Mobster locking himself in the bathroom.
There was a window in the mountain, out came Kevin Connolly.
Kevin Connolly: Hey, guys.
Fitz: Why do you look familiar?
Kevin Connolly: I'm washed up has been actor Kevin Connolly. I live here in the French Alps now.
Brett DeMarco: You don't say.
Fitz: Hey. I think I know you. You starred on the sitcom Unhappily Ever After when the WB was in it's infancy.
Kevin Connolly: That's correct! However, I'm not at liberty to discuss my past acting gags and career. Do you guys know anything about some rumbling?
Fitz: Yeah, we heard it a a little while.
Kevin Connolly: Well if there's anyone else climbing the Alps, you better warn them!
Fitz: What could it mean?
Kevin Connelly: It means there could be a avalanche coming.
Brett DeMarco: OKay we will.
Kevin Connelly: Thank you! Nice talking to you! (closes mountain window)
Fitz: Did you hear that?
Brett DeMarco: I pay attention to every detail. An avalanche is coming. This could be our chance to get ahead.
Fitz: Precisely, Brett. Now here's what we're going to do. We'll get Blitzo's and Moxxie's attention and pretend to surrender.
Brett DeMarco: Yeah and.....
Fitz: We'll lure them here and have them stand where the avalanche is headed!
Brett DeMarco: Perfect! Are they going to be in for a big shock!
Looking down at Fitz and Brett DeMarco, Blitzo and Moxxie laugh at them not feeling frightened about the avalanche.
Blitzo: Guess they're admitting we're better than them.
Moxxie: Say, look. I think they're trying to tell us something.
Fitz and Brett DeMarco were giving hand signals to get Blitzo's and Moxxie's attention, so the two demons flew down to them.
Brett DeMarco: Hey, guys. We've been doing a lot of soul searching.
Moxxie: Yes?
Fitz: We decided we're going to forfeit the game.
Blitzo: Really?
Brett DeMarco: Of course. We're big time drug dealers and everything....
Fitz: We thought it over and believe you guys should get Lovely Corp.
Moxxie: Wow! Thank you so much!
Blitzo: This is an honor!
Fitz: Consider it our treat!
Brett DeMarco: Yes our favorite kind of treat!
The avalanche was headed in the direction where Blitzo and Moxxie were standing. Fitz and Brett were lucky to be away from it. Blitzo and Moxxie soon found themselves with a huge snowpile landed on them and taking them down the mountain.
Blitzo: What the fuck kind of deal was this!
Moxxie: This wasn't a treat!
Fitz: Of course it wasn't! It was my favorite kind of treat! Tell 'em Brett!
Brett DeMarco: A trick! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Get it? Trick, Treat?
In the avalanche Blitzo and Moxxie both fell into a crevice. Charles Lovely was shocked to see what he had witnessed.
Charles Lovely: WOW! What a fight! It appears Team Kingpin has lead Team Demon into an avalanche! What are you thoughts on this, Mark, Richard, and Jeff.
Jeff Bezos: They should not have done that to their rivals.
Richard Branson: This was very wrong on their part. It tells lot about their bad character. If they come to their senses, they would make it up to them and may the best team win.
Charles Lovely: You've been awful quiet over there, Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher.....(a pile of snow lands on Mark Zuckerberg)
Scene 8:
Back in the resort cabin. Russian Mobster was still feeling offended at Frank yelling at him about counting.
Russian Mobster: (sobbing)
Pedro Pooptooth was trying to pick the lock.
Zeta: Any luck yet?
Pedro Pooptooth: No not yet. Why the fuck did you yell at him Frank?
Frank Flipperfist: I was just so fed up with this counting okay? Don't any of you get sick of it?
Pedro Pooptooth: You better hope he doesn't kill himself.
Frank Flipperfist: Don't try to fucking pin this on me! You yelled at him too!
Pedro Pooptooth: Not as bad as you did!
As luck would have it, Pedro Pooptooth was able to open the bathroom door.
Zeta: Awesome! You got it, Pedro!
Frank Flipperfist: Now we can go inside and tell Russian Mobster to stop being an asshole butthurt!
Pedro Pooptooth: Yes! He has to learn to take it when people dig into him and not take it to seriously.
Their luck ran out, Russian Mobster was laying motionless in the bathtub with the shower still running as if he were dead. Frank and Pedro get him out of the tub and into a bed.
Frank Flipperfist: Oh no! What if he's dead?! Fitz will never forgive me!
Pedro Pooptooth: Yeah, who's the asshole butthurt now!
Frank Flipperfist: Look at him! He looks like Courtney Love toward the end of The People Vs Larry Flint!
Zeta: Dudes! Maybe we can save him with CPR. Do any of you know it?
Frank Flipperfist: Of course!
Pedro Pooptooth: Kid is smarter than us puto!
Getting Russian Mobster out of the bed, Frank and Pedro jump on his chest.
Frank Flipperfist: Out come the bad air!
Pedro Pooptooth: In comes the good air!
Russian Mobster spat out the water, and was back to life.
Zeta: Oh Russian Mobster! So happy you're okay. Now we can watch Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett!
Frank Flipperfist: Look, I want to apologize for yelling at you for counting.
Pedro Pooptooth: He didn't really mean it I hope you know.
Russian Mobster: Thank you for saving my life. You know, I had a vision. When I was trying to kill myself in the shower. I know now that I was driving you insane with my counting. I will never count again.
Frank Flipperfist: That's good to know.
Pedro Pooptooth: Just promise us you won't tell Fitz and Brett what happened.
Russian Mobster: You have my solemn vow. I will never count again! I'm taking up something new.
Zeta: What is it?
Russian Mobster: I'm doing spelling and the alphabet now! A....B...C...D.....ha ha ha ha ha!
Frank and Pedro (rolling their eyes): Oh shit!
Scene 9:
Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson have the camera on Charles Lovely as he decides to go to commercial break.
Charles Lovely: Stay tuned for more of "I'm Gonna Take It To The Top" right-ait after these mess-messages!
Delbert and Robbie appear.
Robbie: Won't you take a gander at us now, Delbert! We're on a commercial!
Delbert: What exactly are we advertising Robbie?
Robbie: Oh shit that's right! I forgot! Hey, movie goers. Remember those dinosaur movies you loved when you were a kid?
Delbert: Such greats like 100 Million BC or that Land of The Lost one with Will Ferrell?
Robbie: Do any of you out there wish there could be a dinosaur movie with porn?
Delbert: Ladies and gentlemen, we have the thing for you!
Robbie (holds a DVD): Now you can have dinosaurs with porn in one! Presenting Dinosaurs Cum To Town!
Delbert: That's right, Robbie. It's not just dinosaurs fucking others, they fuck people too!
Robbie: Now you're talking. It stars the newcomer porno actress Olivia Windlewaffle!
Delbert: She her walk around in a waffle iron costume as she turns dinosaur eggs with her magic dildo wand into redlight houses so she can have a place for her and the dinosaurs to fuck!
Robbie: When you watch this, you'll swear it's John Waters directing a dinosaur movie!
Delbert: John Waters? My favorite!
Robbie: I know! If you think that's cool, it even comes with a sequel! We're Fucked! A Dinosaur's Story.
Delbert: Also starring Olivia Windlewaffle!
Robbie: Same concept as the original but only she leads an uprising against the men who want to rape the dinosaurs. Will her plan succeed? Only one way to find out!
Delbert: If you want to see Dinosaurs Cum To Town or We're Fucked A Dinosaurs Story just go to your local porno shop you!
Robbie: Offer's good while supplies last!
Delbert: Call this toll free number 1-576-DINO-PORN!
Robbie: Yep, that's 1-576-DINO-PORN!
Delbert and Robbie (in a faster tone): 1-576-DINO-PORN! (normal voices): And now we return to I'm Gonna Take It To The Top!
Robbie: That sounds like a mountain porno to me!
Delbert: What with the title and all.....
Scene 10:
Finally reaching to the top of the French Alps, Fitz and Brett DeMarco claim their victory while Charles Lovely, Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson were still filming. Blitzo and Moxxie were angry as hell for the stunt Fitz and Brett pulled on them so they're slowly flying up to the top to surprise them.
Charles Lovely: I've never-ever seen a mountain climbing competition like this before-fore!
Richard Branson: Perhaps this is the first one ever to feature evil teams who want to kill one another for your top spot on Lovely Corp!
Jeff Bezos: Good observation! They might as well be on Fear Factor. (laughs)
Charles Lovely: Hope they have the means and the know how to kill my shadow!
Fitz: YES! YES! YES! We made it! Paradise PD Forever! Up yours Helluva Boss! Splisy and Noxxo or whatever the fucking hell their names are!
Brett DeMarco: Lovely Corp will finally be ours!
Voice: Oh no you don't!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco look behind them thinking it was Blitzo and Moxxie, instead of was Charles Lovely's shadow.
Charles Lovely's Shadow: Charles Lovely sent you to kill me, but won't succeed!
Brett DeMarco: Fuck! One more obstacle we have to overcome before we're the supreme leaders of Lovely Corp.
Fitz: I almost forgot about this shadow asshole!
Charles Lovely's Shadow: I shall take over Lovely Corp, and send you all to the deepest depths of hell!
Fitz: Hey, Brett? Remember when I wanted those soul sucking rings?
Brett DeMarco: Yeah, after that last fiasco we had with Puffy, we finally obtained some.
Fitz: Get ready to take them out.
Brett DeMarco takes out a soul sucking ring as does Fitz.
Charles Lovely's Shadow: HA! You think those rings will defeat me? I'm going to take rings away from you until you both whine like Gollum and say, "Precious!"
Fitz and Brett DeMarco aim the rings at Charles Lovely's Shadow say a Latin Chant. The soul sucking rings were bought at Lovely Corp and they emit a laser beam, As Charles Lovely's Shadow was being sent back to Hell, Blitzo and Moxxie have reached the top right behind Fitz and Brett.
Charles Lovely: Yes! Yes! Yes! They're beating my shadow! And uh oh! Not this again!
Jeff Bezos: Oh my! I can't explain it.
Richard Branson: It appears Team Demon is out for blood!
Mark Zuckerberg (under snow and gurgling): Higher Hair....Higher Hair!
Charles Lovely's Shadow got sent back to Hell. Fitz and Brett high five each other.
Scene 11:
At the resort cabin, Frank, Pedro, Russian Mobster and Zeta were finally all watching it on a computer.
Frank Flipperfist: Thank heavens for Youtube!
Pedro Pooptooth: Good thing it was pre-recorded puto.
Zeta: Now let's see Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett teach those demons a lesson!
Russian Mobster: Demons are from H...E....L.....L....Hell! ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Frank and Pedro decide to ignore Russian Mobster new fixation. Back to the top of the French Alps, Fitz and Brett DeMarco try to call out to Charles Lovely.
Fitz: Mr. Lovely! We won! Now you have to give us Lovely Corp!
Brett DeMarco: Boy I can't wait to sell those products for profit!
Fitz: We'll have fun once we're in charge of Lovely Corp and the products will turn against people!
Blitzo: Not so fast!
Moxxie: You're not taking over Lovely Corp! Not now! Not ever! NEVER!
Fitz and Brett turn around and see Blitzo and Moxxie have escaped from the crevice.
Brett DeMarco: Can't you fuckers take a hint? We won!
Fitz: Now go back to Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss! You'll never fit in on Paradise PD!
Blitzo: You didn't play fair in this mountain climbing game.
Fitz: Neither did you! Do you remember what you did when I was on the cellphone talking to one of my employees!
Brett DeMarco: Yeah, you cut our rope then we decided to give you a taste of your own medicine.
Blitzo: Don't remind us you tricked us into thinking you gave up and then you both made us go down in that shitty avalanche!
Moxxie: And now we will put you both out of your misery.
Fitz: Like Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger "You're a real piece of work!"
Brett DeMarco: Speaking of that movie, "You want to kill me, don't you Blitzo and Moxxie?"!
Blitzo and Moxxie (take out ray guns) YOU SAID IT!
A huge chase around the top of the French Alps ensues. One Step Beyond by Madness plays as Fitz and Brett DeMarco were being pursued relentlessly by Blitzo and Moxxie. Charles Lovely, Jeff Bezos, and Richard Branson see the whole scene shown before them.
Jeff Bezos: Shouldn't we stop them?
Richard Branson: They're going to kill each other up there!
Charles Lovely: Only if it gets out of hand.
Richard Branson: It IS getting out of hand! Don't you get it!
Jeff Bezos: If they murder each other, you'll never have a replacement.
Charles Lovely: OKay. You talked me into it. Now I know what I must do.
Still pursing each other. Blitzo and Moxxie were shooting ray guns at Fitz and Brett, who were figthing back with their soul sucking rings that emitted a beam. Both teams were dodging the weapons used against each other.
Blitzo: Now you'll know why we're called the Immediate Murder Professionals!
Moxxie: When we murder you, we'll take over Lovely Corp, and kill everyone in Paradise!
Fitz: I won't let that happen! (shoots soul sucking ring) SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!
Brett DeMarco: Fitz! You asshole! Why did you have to say a line from Scarface.
Fitz: Pick your own gangster movie to quote! DAMN! (dodges ray gun fire)
Brett DeMarco: OKay, Do I Amuse You! From Goodfellas! Is THAT better! YIKES! (dodges ray gun fire)
Charles Lovely reaches to the top of the French Alps to stop the chase. Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos have taken over filming.
Richard Branson: Hey viewers at home. Who do you think Charles will choose?
Jeff Bezos: Go on the internet and vote for either Team Kingpin or Team Demon. Enter your votes now!
Blitzo and Moxxie have Fitz and Brett cornered. Frank, Perdo, Zeta and Russian Mobster were watching with concern.
Frank Flipperfist: Destroy them!
Pedro Pooptooth: We can't let them win putos!
Russian Mobster: G..O...F..I..T..Z! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Zeta: Oooooh! Please!
Fitz: You finally caught up to us.
Brett DeMarco: Now what?
Blitzo (aims ray gun at Fitz): Bid farewell to your two best friends!
Moxxie (aims ray gun at Brett): ANd we don't mean your pals from the Legion of DOOOOOM!
Fitz: Killing us won't do anything! You're jealous because we won!
Brett DeMarco: May not be a fair win.....
Blitzo (aims ray gun at Fitz): ENOUGH! Once we kill you both the ratings for our show will skyrocket! People will hate Paradise PD and will be happy your show is gone for good!
Moxxie: (aims ray gun at Brett): True! Our fans will love us even more knowing that we killed the whole cast of Paradise PD! Starting with you two!
Charles Lovely: SSSTTTTOOOOPPPP! Enough!
The song ends. Fitz, Brett, Blitzo, and Moxxie all looked at Charles Lovely.
Charles Lovely: Sorry Blitzo and Moxxie. Judging from the way you played in this competition and by confessing your true intentions. Also, not only that you two will not blend in with the Paradise PD universe. I'm sorry. I have no choice but to disqualify you from the game.
Opening a portal with his hand, Blitzo and Moxxie get sucked into the portal. Returning to Hell, losing the mountain climbing competiton!
Blitzo and Moxxie: OOOOOOHHHHH SSSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIITTTTTT!
Fitz: They're like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid!
Brett DeMarco: Instead of jumping off a cliff, they get swept into a portal!
Charles Lovely: Winners by default! Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco!
Everyone watching in Paradise watched it in skeptcism and dubiety knowing there's going to be new evil soon surrounding their town. Frank, Pedro, Zeta, and Russian Mobster cheer for their leaders in the resort cabin!
Frank Flipperfist: Way to go Fitz!
Pedro Pooptooth: He did it!
Russian Mobster: Soon we will be working at L...O...V...E...L...Y...C...O...R...P! ha ha ha ha ha!
Zeta: Great work, Daddy Fitz! I knew they can do!
Charles Lovely (to the cameras): So this concludes our show. Hope you have enjoyed watching "I'm Gonna Take It To The Top" this is Charles Lovely signing off. Don't bother watering the cosmos! Good night everyone!
In Hell at the I.M.P. Blitzo and Moxxie walked back to their workplace in disgrace.
Loona: Hey guys how did it go?
Blitzo: Don't even ask!
Loona: Why? What happpened?
Moxxie: We don't want to talk about it.
Loona: OKay, whatever! Hope you guys won!
Blitzo and Moxxie went back to being assassins for IMP and made a vow to never have a crossover with any more adult cartoons.
Scene 12 Conclusion:
Coming back from the French Alps. Now back in Paradise. On the balcony of Lovely Corp. Charles Lovely announces his retirement and appoints Fitz and Brett DeMarco to be the new leaders.
Charles Lovely: Everyone in Paradise. It is with hum-bumble heart. That I am going to leave my position at Lovely Corp to these fine nice clean cut young men!
Fitz, Brett, and Zeta all step forward.
Charles Lovely: Please welcome the new rulers, Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco. Take a bow gentlemen!
Fitz and Brett bowed as they accepted their new position as leaders of Lovely Corp. The next day, Fitz looks out the window. Brett walks in.
Brett DeMarco: Guess this mean our days as drug dealers are over right?
Fitz: Yes it is. Now that we're in charge of Lovely Corp, we can have an even better evil influence on the people of Paradise.
Brett DeMarco: Can just taste it now. We're in equal partnership still right?
Fitz: Oh yes, Brett. But you're still my number 2. Always have been always will be.
Zeta walks in.
Fitz: So do you like the new digs, Zeta my sweet.
Zeta: I love it, Daddy Fitz! But these weird dudes won't stop following me
Behind Zeta were Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, and Richard Branson.
Jeff Bezos: Now that you're the new boss. What is our first mission?
Richard Branson: We're your employees now I hope you know.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Hair! Higher Hair! Higher Hair!
Getting a gun, Fitz shoots Jeff, Richard, and Mark and Brett throws them out the window.
Zeta: Glad you got rid of those lame asses.
Fitz: I didn't want them to work for me anyway! Legion of DOOOOOM, come on in!
Walking into the main corridor of Lovely Corp where Fitz now rules. Frank, Jerry, Puffy, Russian Mobster, Marcos Narcos, and Pedro were still going to work for Fitz.
Brett DeMarco: Nothing like being in a new company with old friends!
Frank Flipperfist: We're awaiting your first mission.
Pedro Pooptooth: Whatever will it be, puto?
Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria this is even better than selling drugs.
Russian Mobster: I'm so happy. I'm H..A..P..P..Y! I've taken up spelling and the alphabet! ha ha ha ha ha!
Jerry Flipperfist: BBBBBRRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Brett DeMarco: So, you ready for this, Gerald Fitzgerald?
Fitz: I'm ready!
Now the new evil leader of Lovely Corp Fitz and Brett DeMarco will inflict all sorts of evil and destruction all over Paradise. Although they're working in a new place, Fitz will always ban together with the Legion of DOOOOOM!
THE END
Until then enjoy this one!
Paradise PD and Helluva Boss
Fanfic Title:
I'm Gonna Take It To The Top!
by: Trenton Sands
On their way to the Lovely Corp Building. Fitz and Brett DeMarco were driving their limo there. With a high level of anticipation and excitement. Fitz wanted to take his criminal leader status to the next level. Brett DeMarco was excited to be a part of an evil corporation despite being a pharmecidical rep and Fitz's second in command.
Fitz: Wow! I can just feel it now! In five minutes we're going to dmoniate Lovely Corp!
Brett DeMarco: Right from under Charles Lovely's ass! Hopefully, this is a $350 Million Dollar check we have. He's sure to hand it over to us!
Fitz: He can have a nice retirement once we're in charge.
Brett DeMarco: He said he's going to go into retirement on his Instagram page. Imagine all the power we are going to have.
Fitz: Hell, I can be both. A Kingpin and a corrupt corporate official!
Brett DeMarco: Oh! There it is!
Fitz: Next stop, Lovely Corp!
Parking their limo in the Lovely Corp parking lot. Fitz and Brett DeMarco walk inside. In the meeting room there was the man himself. Charles Lovely.
Charles Lovely: I am Charles Lovely! What can I do for you fine gentle-le-men today?
Fitz: We have a proposition for you!
Charles Lovely: Okay, what will it be today, boy-eeess?
Brett DeMarco (hands over check): This is a check for $350 Million.
Charles Lovely: Perfect I was thinking of retiring anyway.
Fitz: YES! YES! I knew it!
Brett DeMarco: We follow you on Instagram.
Charles Lovely: Just one thing though.
Fitz: Great! What is it?
Brett DeMarco: There's always a fucking catch.
Charles Lovely: I already gave my company to another evil duo.
Fitz: WHAT THE FUCK!
Brett DeMarco: Who are these fuckasses you gave your company too! Boy am I surprised!
Out of the shadows came to humanoid looking demons. Their names were Blitzo and Moxxie.
Fitz: They look like demon versions of Al Capone and Frank Nitti. From The Untouchables!
Blitzo: We were the better pick for running this company.
Brett DeMarco: Hey wait a minute! I know who you guys are! You're Blitzo and Moxxie from that Youtube Cartoon Helluva Boss!
Moxxie: Correct! How did you ever know?
Fitz: You guys have the most overrated adult cartoon ever!
Brett DeMarco: The guys in our Legion of DOOOOOM love your show and would not shut up about you!
Blitzo: Awesome we have so many fans!
Moxxie: I suggest you both leave now.
Charles Lovely: Since they're from Hell, and they're also assassins for hire. Therefore they'd be perfect for my company!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco stood in disbelief.
Scene 2:
Still inside the Lovely Corp Building, Fitz and Brett DeMarco try to find a way to negotiate.
Fitz: We had a huge check, and yet you picked them?
Charles Lovely: I just hired them for free-eeee!
Brett DeMarco: We're the better men for the job.
Fitz: How dare you overlook us? You guys don't know your way around Paradise!
Blitzo: We can learn.
Moxxie: When we run this place we'll be unstoppable!
Fitz: That was our fucking plan!
Charles Lovely: Demons and gentlemen! Please! There is a way we can settle this.
Brett DeMarco: I'm listening.
Charles Lovely: How about both of you evil duos come to my mountain resort in the French Alps.
Blitzo: What are we going to do there?
Charles Lovely: Both of you evil teams will climb to the top of the French Alps. Also, I have a mission for the four of you.
Moxxie: Ooooh a mission! This will be fun!
Charles Lovely: On the top of the French Alps, my evil shadow lives up there. He's always trying to kill me. So whichever team makes it to the top of the French Alps and kills my shadow gets my company. Do we have a deal?
Fitz and Brett DeMarco love the offer. They shake hands with their demonic rivals from Helluva Boss.
Moxxie, Blitzo, Fitz, and Brett DeMarco: Deal! Sounds good.
Charles Lovely: Okay. Report back here tomorrow and I'll fly you all in my private jet! Bring some friends al-long if you'd like.
Scene 3:
The next day, Fitz, Brett DeMarco, Blitzo and Moxxie were flying to the French Alps. Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, Russian Mobster and Zeta were there too.
Frank Flipperfist: If and when you win Fitz. You're not going to dump us are you?
Pedro Pooptooth: We'd love to be part of Lovely Corp too, Puto.
Fitz: Oh no. Why would I?
Russian Mobster: We'll be in the Alps in 1...2....3....4......
Brett DeMarco: Knock that shit off. Still doing that counting?
Russian Mobster (squirming): YEESSSHH!
Fitz: So, tell me. Blitzo and Moxxie! What is it about your show that people love so much!
Blitzo: It's because our fans love our edgy humor, unique animation style and you ought to see our catchy musical number we do.
Moxxie: Not only that, diversity too! I'm bisexual you know.
Blitzo: We kill people who deserve it.
Moxxie: Sometimes innocent people too.
Brett DeMarco: Okay. You know killing people of Paradise is kind of our job.
Blitzo: We just want a homebase here on Earth. And what better place than Paradise Georgia! It's the murder captial of the world!
Moxxie: Blitzo is right, we'll feel right at home there killing people. What with those imcompetant police team they have there. We can get away with anything!
Blitzo: When we win. And we will, we shall call Lovely Corp, IMP2! Which is short for Immediate Murder Professionals.
Fitz: Being on a jet with these demon freaks is worse than being on Con Air with Nicholas Cage!
Brett DeMarco: Yeah, only with weird ass renditions of Lord Humugous and Wez from Mad Max 2.
Fitz (laughs and high fives Brett): Two in a row!
Blitzo and Moxxie: We resent that!
Zeta: Will we have to climb the Alps too?
Fitz: No, Zeta. You, Frank, Pedro, and Russian Mobster can stay in the resort cabin.
Charles Lovely: We are making our landing into the French Alps in 2-2 hours.
The private jet lands in the French Alps. Frank, Pedro, Zeta and Russian Mobster settle into a resort cabin. Charles Lovely decides to have Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson, and Mark Zuckerberg film the whole mountain climbing event. Fitz and Brett DeMarco take their places as do Blitzo and Moxxie.
Fitz: You didn't say this was going to be filmed.
Charles Lovely: Only the people in Paradise will see it. And Mark. You need to learn how to aim the camera high.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Hair! Higher Hair!
Jeff Bezo: No! Not higher hair you numbskull!
Richard Branson: Aim the camera high!
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Camera? Or Higher Hair!
Charles Lovely (pushes Mark aside): Oh, fuck off!
Scene 4:
The song In A Big Country by Big Country plays as Charles Lovely talks into the cameras.
Charles Lovely: Good day to all you viewers in Paradise! I am Charles Lovely! And I am going to retire from Lovely Corp. So I have with me two evil teams who want my company.
The camera pans to Fitz and Brett DeMarco. Who have lots of supplies for mountain climbing.
Charles Lovely: Over here we have joining us from Paradise Georgia. Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco. Local drug dealers and they shall be called "Team Kingpin".
The camera pans to Blitzo and Moxxie.
Charles Lovely: And over here we have joining us Hell. Blitzo and Moxxie. The guys I originally sold my company to until these Fitz and Brett jokers came along. They're demonic assassins so they shall be called "Team Demon!" Not only this will be telecast in Paradise, this will also be shown here too. So without further ado-do, I proudly present to you, this once in a lifetime TV special, "I'm Gonna Take It To The Top!"
Blitzo and Moxxie wave to the camera. The song ends.
Charles Lovely: Which one of these teams will make it to the top of the French Alps and be worthy to take over my company? There's also a bigger plan too. Tell them Jeff Bezos.
Jeff Bezos: Yes, our boss has his shadow bedevil him all the time and sometimes try to kill Charles Lovely. If he kills him, the shadow will take over Lovely Corp. We don't want that shit to happen now do we?
Richard Branson: That's correct, so if one of these teams kills Charles's shadow and reaches the top, that'll be another goal for our two teams. Over to you, Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Hair! Higher Hair! Higher Hair!
Charles Lovely (pushs Mark again): I thought I told you to fuck off! Fuck off! (pulls out a gun) Let the game begin!
As Charles Lovely shoots the gun, Fitz, Brett, Blitzo, and Moxxie all go to the mountain. In a resort cabin, Frank Flipperfist, Pedro Pooptooth, Zeta, and Russian Mobster all watch Fitz and Brett DeMarco take on Blitzo and Moxxie in an intense mountain climbling competition!
Frank Flipperfist: Yes! It's starting! It'll be like watching Lost Continent!
Pedro Pooptooth: Which version, Puto?
Frank Flipperfist: The one with Hugh Beamont!
Zeta: Go Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett!
Russian Mobster: I just measured the French Alps they are....
Frank and Pedro: No Counting!
Russian Mobster (sobbing): Why oh why doesn't anyone want me to count! I love to count! I live for count!
Frank Flipperfist: Stop feeling sorry for yourself and come watch...
Russian Mobster locks himself in the bathroom and fills the bathtub to take a shower and cry.
Pedro Pooptooth: Fuck! The last thing we need! We have to watch Fitz and Brett climb the Alps and instead we need to get Russian Mobster out of the bathroom!
Zeta: I know right? We should be watching Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett to support them.
Frank Flipperfist (knocks on bathroom door): Come on out! I'm sorry! No need to be like R. Kelly!
Russian Mobster: Leave me alone! (cries)
Pedro Pooptooth: He won't fucking come out. Now what'll we do?
Zeta: Suppose we can call Daddy Fitz.
Frank Flipperfist: If it gets too much then we will.
Scene 5:
Making their way into the French Alps, Blitzo and Moxxie were beginning to feel a little dizzy.
Moxxie: Suddenly I feel so weird.
Blitzo: It's the mountain altitude dummy! Try popping your ears.
Moxxie: We're used to mountains in Hell, but here it's so cold!
Fitz: Ha! Can't stand the altitude? That proves we're more likely the more likely team to win!
Brett DeMarco (unpacking a bag): I even have some climbing equipment! You guys didn't even come prepared!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco put on the mountain climbing gear. Then begin to climb the Alps to try to get ahead of Moxxie and Blitzo.
Moxxie: HA! We're not impressed!
Blitzo: We're demons! We have powers.
Moxxie: Yeah, we don't need that garbage.
Blitzo: That's right. We're the more popular adult cartoon so we have this contest in the bag.
Charles Lovely: Wow! Folks at home! What do you all think? There's already animosity between the two teams!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco ignore Blitzo's and Moxxie's taunting and the both of them get into a repel with a rope connected to each other.
Blitzo: Is that BDSM equipment!
Moxxie: Yeah, you guys!
Richard Branson (on megaphone): Pick it up people!
Blitzo: Don't call us people!
Moxxie: We're demons! We find it offensive if you call us people!
Richard Branson: Fine! Pick it up people and 'demons'! The weather is fine now but it can change on a dime!
Fitz (climbs Alps): Damn, we're up against some politically correct demons.
Brett DeMarco (climbs Alps): I hope this doesn't turn into a political thing.
Richard Branson: Good job. Stay on your line and work across towards the ridge.
Jeff Bezos (though megaphone): Looking good, guys! Looking real good!
Mark Zuckerberg (though megaphone): Bring me back some Higher Hair!
Fitz: Did you bring a cellphone, Brett?
Brett DeMarco: Yes I did.
The cellphone rings and Fitz answers it.
Fitz: What is it?
Frank Flipperfist: We're sorry to interupt you with your Mountain Climbing but Russian Mobster locked himself in a bathroom.
Fitz: Let me guess, you told him you were fed up with his counting. Am I right?
Frank Flipperfist (sighs): Yes.
Fitz: Why in the fuck did you do that? You know you can never......
Blitzo and Moxxie decide to cut the line Fitz and Brett DeMarco were using to climb the mountain while Fitz is on the phone.
Moxxie: Now we'll see who's better for the company!
Blitzo: Great thinking! We need to get our enemies when their guard is down!
Fitz (on phone): Listen up! This is your problem and.......
Before they knew it, Fitz and Brett DeMarco were falling.
Fitz: SHIT!
Brett DeMarco: Our rope's been cut!
Fitz: Those fucking demons are trying to jeopardize this thing for themselves!
Sliding down the mountain, Fitz and Brett DeMarco keep falling until they crash on a rock.
Fitz: Son of a bitch!
Brett DeMarco: These demons are really playing fucking dirty here!
Blitzo and Moxxie give Fitz and Brett DeMarco the middle finger.
Charles Lovely: Wow! This is something I have never seen before faithful viewers. It appears that Team Demon have cut the climbing repel that Team Kingpin were using. Oh my! What's this....
Jeff Bezos, Charles Lovely, Richard Branson, and Mark Zuckerberg film with cameras as they see Fitz and Brett DeMarco fix the climbing repel. Brett was able to fix it.
Charles Lovely: It's a BOOM-BOOM! Left turn! Now Team Kingpin is brushing themselves off and they're getting back up again!
Fitz: Damn Brett! You're an ace man! How did you fix this?
Brett DeMarco: Thanks for my Army Training, no less.
Climbing up the French Alps again, Fitz and Brett DeMarco were determined to catch up with Blitzo and Moxxie who were ahead.
Blitzo: HA HA HA! They went "Beyond The Edge!"
Moxxie: As soon as we reach the top and kill that shadow, we'll kill them too! Then Lovely Corp will be ours!
Scene 6:
In the resort cabin. Frank, Pedro and Zeta were trying to coax Russian Mobster out of the bathroom.
Pedro Pooptooth: Anybody know how to pick locks?
Frank Flipperfist: With my fins, hell no! I can't even throw fucking paper!
Zeta: We can look up a Youtube video!
Frank Flipperfist: I know! Hey Russian Mobster! I got some cards for you to count.
Russian Mobster: You guys are still here? You'll never get me out! I'll never count again! NEVER NEVER! Fuck off! (cries)
Frank Flipperfist: Great! He went from acting like the Count from Sesame Street to Don Music!
Pedro Pooptooth: Can you get find that Youtube video Zeta?
Zeta: Sure I can!
Frank, Pedro, and Zeta all found a Youtube video on how to pick a lock.
Zeta: Well, since Frank has dolphin fins, Pedro, you'll have to be the one to get him out.
Pedro Pooptooth: This'll be no problem for me, putos! You guys can call me The Locksmith!
Frank Flipperfist: Ryan Phillippe was in that.
Zeta: Please unlock it soon. We're missing Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett's greatest moment!
Scene 7:
Charles Lovely was talking into the camera about Fitz, Brett, Blitzo, and Moxxie climbing the French Alps. Fitz and Brett DeMarco were way behind.
Jeff Bezos: Team Kingpin doesn't stand a chance.
Charles Lovely: Yes sad but true. Team Demon has the upper hand because of their powers.
Richard Branson: For those of you who are watching at home, Team Kingpin is far behind while Team Demon is ahead.
Charles Lovely: Could be the dick move Team Demon played on them when they were distracted on the phone.
A far away rumbling was heard.
Moxxie: Blitzo? Do mountains have earthquakes?
Blitzo: Just ignore it. Look forward to our big victory.
Up in the French Alps, Fitz and Brett DeMarco were repelling up the Alps like the 1960's Batman and Robin.
Brett DeMarco: Mother fucker! Those cock licking demons from Helluva Boss, it's almost like they're cheating with their 'powers'.
Fitz: You got that right. Here we are doing everything right to climb a mountain and even have all the hardware and and gadgets for it.
Now Brett DeMarco and Fitz heard the rumbling. They tried not to think about the rumbling or what it could be.
Fitz: It's rather obvious they hit us when we were distracted.
Brett DeMarco: Yeah, when Frank called us about Russian Mobster locking himself in the bathroom.
There was a window in the mountain, out came Kevin Connolly.
Kevin Connolly: Hey, guys.
Fitz: Why do you look familiar?
Kevin Connolly: I'm washed up has been actor Kevin Connolly. I live here in the French Alps now.
Brett DeMarco: You don't say.
Fitz: Hey. I think I know you. You starred on the sitcom Unhappily Ever After when the WB was in it's infancy.
Kevin Connolly: That's correct! However, I'm not at liberty to discuss my past acting gags and career. Do you guys know anything about some rumbling?
Fitz: Yeah, we heard it a a little while.
Kevin Connolly: Well if there's anyone else climbing the Alps, you better warn them!
Fitz: What could it mean?
Kevin Connelly: It means there could be a avalanche coming.
Brett DeMarco: OKay we will.
Kevin Connelly: Thank you! Nice talking to you! (closes mountain window)
Fitz: Did you hear that?
Brett DeMarco: I pay attention to every detail. An avalanche is coming. This could be our chance to get ahead.
Fitz: Precisely, Brett. Now here's what we're going to do. We'll get Blitzo's and Moxxie's attention and pretend to surrender.
Brett DeMarco: Yeah and.....
Fitz: We'll lure them here and have them stand where the avalanche is headed!
Brett DeMarco: Perfect! Are they going to be in for a big shock!
Looking down at Fitz and Brett DeMarco, Blitzo and Moxxie laugh at them not feeling frightened about the avalanche.
Blitzo: Guess they're admitting we're better than them.
Moxxie: Say, look. I think they're trying to tell us something.
Fitz and Brett DeMarco were giving hand signals to get Blitzo's and Moxxie's attention, so the two demons flew down to them.
Brett DeMarco: Hey, guys. We've been doing a lot of soul searching.
Moxxie: Yes?
Fitz: We decided we're going to forfeit the game.
Blitzo: Really?
Brett DeMarco: Of course. We're big time drug dealers and everything....
Fitz: We thought it over and believe you guys should get Lovely Corp.
Moxxie: Wow! Thank you so much!
Blitzo: This is an honor!
Fitz: Consider it our treat!
Brett DeMarco: Yes our favorite kind of treat!
The avalanche was headed in the direction where Blitzo and Moxxie were standing. Fitz and Brett were lucky to be away from it. Blitzo and Moxxie soon found themselves with a huge snowpile landed on them and taking them down the mountain.
Blitzo: What the fuck kind of deal was this!
Moxxie: This wasn't a treat!
Fitz: Of course it wasn't! It was my favorite kind of treat! Tell 'em Brett!
Brett DeMarco: A trick! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Get it? Trick, Treat?
In the avalanche Blitzo and Moxxie both fell into a crevice. Charles Lovely was shocked to see what he had witnessed.
Charles Lovely: WOW! What a fight! It appears Team Kingpin has lead Team Demon into an avalanche! What are you thoughts on this, Mark, Richard, and Jeff.
Jeff Bezos: They should not have done that to their rivals.
Richard Branson: This was very wrong on their part. It tells lot about their bad character. If they come to their senses, they would make it up to them and may the best team win.
Charles Lovely: You've been awful quiet over there, Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher.....(a pile of snow lands on Mark Zuckerberg)
Scene 8:
Back in the resort cabin. Russian Mobster was still feeling offended at Frank yelling at him about counting.
Russian Mobster: (sobbing)
Pedro Pooptooth was trying to pick the lock.
Zeta: Any luck yet?
Pedro Pooptooth: No not yet. Why the fuck did you yell at him Frank?
Frank Flipperfist: I was just so fed up with this counting okay? Don't any of you get sick of it?
Pedro Pooptooth: You better hope he doesn't kill himself.
Frank Flipperfist: Don't try to fucking pin this on me! You yelled at him too!
Pedro Pooptooth: Not as bad as you did!
As luck would have it, Pedro Pooptooth was able to open the bathroom door.
Zeta: Awesome! You got it, Pedro!
Frank Flipperfist: Now we can go inside and tell Russian Mobster to stop being an asshole butthurt!
Pedro Pooptooth: Yes! He has to learn to take it when people dig into him and not take it to seriously.
Their luck ran out, Russian Mobster was laying motionless in the bathtub with the shower still running as if he were dead. Frank and Pedro get him out of the tub and into a bed.
Frank Flipperfist: Oh no! What if he's dead?! Fitz will never forgive me!
Pedro Pooptooth: Yeah, who's the asshole butthurt now!
Frank Flipperfist: Look at him! He looks like Courtney Love toward the end of The People Vs Larry Flint!
Zeta: Dudes! Maybe we can save him with CPR. Do any of you know it?
Frank Flipperfist: Of course!
Pedro Pooptooth: Kid is smarter than us puto!
Getting Russian Mobster out of the bed, Frank and Pedro jump on his chest.
Frank Flipperfist: Out come the bad air!
Pedro Pooptooth: In comes the good air!
Russian Mobster spat out the water, and was back to life.
Zeta: Oh Russian Mobster! So happy you're okay. Now we can watch Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett!
Frank Flipperfist: Look, I want to apologize for yelling at you for counting.
Pedro Pooptooth: He didn't really mean it I hope you know.
Russian Mobster: Thank you for saving my life. You know, I had a vision. When I was trying to kill myself in the shower. I know now that I was driving you insane with my counting. I will never count again.
Frank Flipperfist: That's good to know.
Pedro Pooptooth: Just promise us you won't tell Fitz and Brett what happened.
Russian Mobster: You have my solemn vow. I will never count again! I'm taking up something new.
Zeta: What is it?
Russian Mobster: I'm doing spelling and the alphabet now! A....B...C...D.....ha ha ha ha ha!
Frank and Pedro (rolling their eyes): Oh shit!
Scene 9:
Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson have the camera on Charles Lovely as he decides to go to commercial break.
Charles Lovely: Stay tuned for more of "I'm Gonna Take It To The Top" right-ait after these mess-messages!
Delbert and Robbie appear.
Robbie: Won't you take a gander at us now, Delbert! We're on a commercial!
Delbert: What exactly are we advertising Robbie?
Robbie: Oh shit that's right! I forgot! Hey, movie goers. Remember those dinosaur movies you loved when you were a kid?
Delbert: Such greats like 100 Million BC or that Land of The Lost one with Will Ferrell?
Robbie: Do any of you out there wish there could be a dinosaur movie with porn?
Delbert: Ladies and gentlemen, we have the thing for you!
Robbie (holds a DVD): Now you can have dinosaurs with porn in one! Presenting Dinosaurs Cum To Town!
Delbert: That's right, Robbie. It's not just dinosaurs fucking others, they fuck people too!
Robbie: Now you're talking. It stars the newcomer porno actress Olivia Windlewaffle!
Delbert: She her walk around in a waffle iron costume as she turns dinosaur eggs with her magic dildo wand into redlight houses so she can have a place for her and the dinosaurs to fuck!
Robbie: When you watch this, you'll swear it's John Waters directing a dinosaur movie!
Delbert: John Waters? My favorite!
Robbie: I know! If you think that's cool, it even comes with a sequel! We're Fucked! A Dinosaur's Story.
Delbert: Also starring Olivia Windlewaffle!
Robbie: Same concept as the original but only she leads an uprising against the men who want to rape the dinosaurs. Will her plan succeed? Only one way to find out!
Delbert: If you want to see Dinosaurs Cum To Town or We're Fucked A Dinosaurs Story just go to your local porno shop you!
Robbie: Offer's good while supplies last!
Delbert: Call this toll free number 1-576-DINO-PORN!
Robbie: Yep, that's 1-576-DINO-PORN!
Delbert and Robbie (in a faster tone): 1-576-DINO-PORN! (normal voices): And now we return to I'm Gonna Take It To The Top!
Robbie: That sounds like a mountain porno to me!
Delbert: What with the title and all.....
Scene 10:
Finally reaching to the top of the French Alps, Fitz and Brett DeMarco claim their victory while Charles Lovely, Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson were still filming. Blitzo and Moxxie were angry as hell for the stunt Fitz and Brett pulled on them so they're slowly flying up to the top to surprise them.
Charles Lovely: I've never-ever seen a mountain climbing competition like this before-fore!
Richard Branson: Perhaps this is the first one ever to feature evil teams who want to kill one another for your top spot on Lovely Corp!
Jeff Bezos: Good observation! They might as well be on Fear Factor. (laughs)
Charles Lovely: Hope they have the means and the know how to kill my shadow!
Fitz: YES! YES! YES! We made it! Paradise PD Forever! Up yours Helluva Boss! Splisy and Noxxo or whatever the fucking hell their names are!
Brett DeMarco: Lovely Corp will finally be ours!
Voice: Oh no you don't!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco look behind them thinking it was Blitzo and Moxxie, instead of was Charles Lovely's shadow.
Charles Lovely's Shadow: Charles Lovely sent you to kill me, but won't succeed!
Brett DeMarco: Fuck! One more obstacle we have to overcome before we're the supreme leaders of Lovely Corp.
Fitz: I almost forgot about this shadow asshole!
Charles Lovely's Shadow: I shall take over Lovely Corp, and send you all to the deepest depths of hell!
Fitz: Hey, Brett? Remember when I wanted those soul sucking rings?
Brett DeMarco: Yeah, after that last fiasco we had with Puffy, we finally obtained some.
Fitz: Get ready to take them out.
Brett DeMarco takes out a soul sucking ring as does Fitz.
Charles Lovely's Shadow: HA! You think those rings will defeat me? I'm going to take rings away from you until you both whine like Gollum and say, "Precious!"
Fitz and Brett DeMarco aim the rings at Charles Lovely's Shadow say a Latin Chant. The soul sucking rings were bought at Lovely Corp and they emit a laser beam, As Charles Lovely's Shadow was being sent back to Hell, Blitzo and Moxxie have reached the top right behind Fitz and Brett.
Charles Lovely: Yes! Yes! Yes! They're beating my shadow! And uh oh! Not this again!
Jeff Bezos: Oh my! I can't explain it.
Richard Branson: It appears Team Demon is out for blood!
Mark Zuckerberg (under snow and gurgling): Higher Hair....Higher Hair!
Charles Lovely's Shadow got sent back to Hell. Fitz and Brett high five each other.
Scene 11:
At the resort cabin, Frank, Pedro, Russian Mobster and Zeta were finally all watching it on a computer.
Frank Flipperfist: Thank heavens for Youtube!
Pedro Pooptooth: Good thing it was pre-recorded puto.
Zeta: Now let's see Daddy Fitz and Uncle Brett teach those demons a lesson!
Russian Mobster: Demons are from H...E....L.....L....Hell! ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Frank and Pedro decide to ignore Russian Mobster new fixation. Back to the top of the French Alps, Fitz and Brett DeMarco try to call out to Charles Lovely.
Fitz: Mr. Lovely! We won! Now you have to give us Lovely Corp!
Brett DeMarco: Boy I can't wait to sell those products for profit!
Fitz: We'll have fun once we're in charge of Lovely Corp and the products will turn against people!
Blitzo: Not so fast!
Moxxie: You're not taking over Lovely Corp! Not now! Not ever! NEVER!
Fitz and Brett turn around and see Blitzo and Moxxie have escaped from the crevice.
Brett DeMarco: Can't you fuckers take a hint? We won!
Fitz: Now go back to Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss! You'll never fit in on Paradise PD!
Blitzo: You didn't play fair in this mountain climbing game.
Fitz: Neither did you! Do you remember what you did when I was on the cellphone talking to one of my employees!
Brett DeMarco: Yeah, you cut our rope then we decided to give you a taste of your own medicine.
Blitzo: Don't remind us you tricked us into thinking you gave up and then you both made us go down in that shitty avalanche!
Moxxie: And now we will put you both out of your misery.
Fitz: Like Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger "You're a real piece of work!"
Brett DeMarco: Speaking of that movie, "You want to kill me, don't you Blitzo and Moxxie?"!
Blitzo and Moxxie (take out ray guns) YOU SAID IT!
A huge chase around the top of the French Alps ensues. One Step Beyond by Madness plays as Fitz and Brett DeMarco were being pursued relentlessly by Blitzo and Moxxie. Charles Lovely, Jeff Bezos, and Richard Branson see the whole scene shown before them.
Jeff Bezos: Shouldn't we stop them?
Richard Branson: They're going to kill each other up there!
Charles Lovely: Only if it gets out of hand.
Richard Branson: It IS getting out of hand! Don't you get it!
Jeff Bezos: If they murder each other, you'll never have a replacement.
Charles Lovely: OKay. You talked me into it. Now I know what I must do.
Still pursing each other. Blitzo and Moxxie were shooting ray guns at Fitz and Brett, who were figthing back with their soul sucking rings that emitted a beam. Both teams were dodging the weapons used against each other.
Blitzo: Now you'll know why we're called the Immediate Murder Professionals!
Moxxie: When we murder you, we'll take over Lovely Corp, and kill everyone in Paradise!
Fitz: I won't let that happen! (shoots soul sucking ring) SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!
Brett DeMarco: Fitz! You asshole! Why did you have to say a line from Scarface.
Fitz: Pick your own gangster movie to quote! DAMN! (dodges ray gun fire)
Brett DeMarco: OKay, Do I Amuse You! From Goodfellas! Is THAT better! YIKES! (dodges ray gun fire)
Charles Lovely reaches to the top of the French Alps to stop the chase. Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos have taken over filming.
Richard Branson: Hey viewers at home. Who do you think Charles will choose?
Jeff Bezos: Go on the internet and vote for either Team Kingpin or Team Demon. Enter your votes now!
Blitzo and Moxxie have Fitz and Brett cornered. Frank, Perdo, Zeta and Russian Mobster were watching with concern.
Frank Flipperfist: Destroy them!
Pedro Pooptooth: We can't let them win putos!
Russian Mobster: G..O...F..I..T..Z! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Zeta: Oooooh! Please!
Fitz: You finally caught up to us.
Brett DeMarco: Now what?
Blitzo (aims ray gun at Fitz): Bid farewell to your two best friends!
Moxxie (aims ray gun at Brett): ANd we don't mean your pals from the Legion of DOOOOOM!
Fitz: Killing us won't do anything! You're jealous because we won!
Brett DeMarco: May not be a fair win.....
Blitzo (aims ray gun at Fitz): ENOUGH! Once we kill you both the ratings for our show will skyrocket! People will hate Paradise PD and will be happy your show is gone for good!
Moxxie: (aims ray gun at Brett): True! Our fans will love us even more knowing that we killed the whole cast of Paradise PD! Starting with you two!
Charles Lovely: SSSTTTTOOOOPPPP! Enough!
The song ends. Fitz, Brett, Blitzo, and Moxxie all looked at Charles Lovely.
Charles Lovely: Sorry Blitzo and Moxxie. Judging from the way you played in this competition and by confessing your true intentions. Also, not only that you two will not blend in with the Paradise PD universe. I'm sorry. I have no choice but to disqualify you from the game.
Opening a portal with his hand, Blitzo and Moxxie get sucked into the portal. Returning to Hell, losing the mountain climbing competiton!
Blitzo and Moxxie: OOOOOOHHHHH SSSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIITTTTTT!
Fitz: They're like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid!
Brett DeMarco: Instead of jumping off a cliff, they get swept into a portal!
Charles Lovely: Winners by default! Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco!
Everyone watching in Paradise watched it in skeptcism and dubiety knowing there's going to be new evil soon surrounding their town. Frank, Pedro, Zeta, and Russian Mobster cheer for their leaders in the resort cabin!
Frank Flipperfist: Way to go Fitz!
Pedro Pooptooth: He did it!
Russian Mobster: Soon we will be working at L...O...V...E...L...Y...C...O...R...P! ha ha ha ha ha!
Zeta: Great work, Daddy Fitz! I knew they can do!
Charles Lovely (to the cameras): So this concludes our show. Hope you have enjoyed watching "I'm Gonna Take It To The Top" this is Charles Lovely signing off. Don't bother watering the cosmos! Good night everyone!
In Hell at the I.M.P. Blitzo and Moxxie walked back to their workplace in disgrace.
Loona: Hey guys how did it go?
Blitzo: Don't even ask!
Loona: Why? What happpened?
Moxxie: We don't want to talk about it.
Loona: OKay, whatever! Hope you guys won!
Blitzo and Moxxie went back to being assassins for IMP and made a vow to never have a crossover with any more adult cartoons.
Scene 12 Conclusion:
Coming back from the French Alps. Now back in Paradise. On the balcony of Lovely Corp. Charles Lovely announces his retirement and appoints Fitz and Brett DeMarco to be the new leaders.
Charles Lovely: Everyone in Paradise. It is with hum-bumble heart. That I am going to leave my position at Lovely Corp to these fine nice clean cut young men!
Fitz, Brett, and Zeta all step forward.
Charles Lovely: Please welcome the new rulers, Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco. Take a bow gentlemen!
Fitz and Brett bowed as they accepted their new position as leaders of Lovely Corp. The next day, Fitz looks out the window. Brett walks in.
Brett DeMarco: Guess this mean our days as drug dealers are over right?
Fitz: Yes it is. Now that we're in charge of Lovely Corp, we can have an even better evil influence on the people of Paradise.
Brett DeMarco: Can just taste it now. We're in equal partnership still right?
Fitz: Oh yes, Brett. But you're still my number 2. Always have been always will be.
Zeta walks in.
Fitz: So do you like the new digs, Zeta my sweet.
Zeta: I love it, Daddy Fitz! But these weird dudes won't stop following me
Behind Zeta were Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, and Richard Branson.
Jeff Bezos: Now that you're the new boss. What is our first mission?
Richard Branson: We're your employees now I hope you know.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Hair! Higher Hair! Higher Hair!
Getting a gun, Fitz shoots Jeff, Richard, and Mark and Brett throws them out the window.
Zeta: Glad you got rid of those lame asses.
Fitz: I didn't want them to work for me anyway! Legion of DOOOOOM, come on in!
Walking into the main corridor of Lovely Corp where Fitz now rules. Frank, Jerry, Puffy, Russian Mobster, Marcos Narcos, and Pedro were still going to work for Fitz.
Brett DeMarco: Nothing like being in a new company with old friends!
Frank Flipperfist: We're awaiting your first mission.
Pedro Pooptooth: Whatever will it be, puto?
Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria this is even better than selling drugs.
Russian Mobster: I'm so happy. I'm H..A..P..P..Y! I've taken up spelling and the alphabet! ha ha ha ha ha!
Jerry Flipperfist: BBBBBRRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Brett DeMarco: So, you ready for this, Gerald Fitzgerald?
Fitz: I'm ready!
Now the new evil leader of Lovely Corp Fitz and Brett DeMarco will inflict all sorts of evil and destruction all over Paradise. Although they're working in a new place, Fitz will always ban together with the Legion of DOOOOOM!
THE END
Sign up to rate and review this story