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Paradise PD and Smiling Friends


Fanfic Title:


Off To The Hoose Gow


by: Trenton Sands.



Scene 1:


Early one morning in Paradise. A voice heard from speakers filled the air. The voice came all the way from Lovely Corp.


Voice: Ladies and gentlemen! Come sign up and get your credit card! Right here at this vending machine! Then when you get your credit card, spend it on our Lovely Corp products! No need to pay off the balance!


A crowd of people soon stood in line at the vending machine to get a credit card. Randall and Kevin were there too.


Randall: Wow! What a day! We get to have a credit card and spend it on all the Lovely Corp products we want!


Kevin: This is so awesome Dad! Too good to be true! Did you also hear you don't have to pay off the balance!


Randall: I know right! It'll be like having a guft card!


The people who lined up were Robbie, Delbert, Cooter, Bo, Preacher Paul, and Hobo Cop. Kevin and Randall were last in line.


Kevin: It's like Black Friday come early!


Randall: But it's only Monday morning! The best Monday morning ever!


The voice from the speakers was revealed to be Gerald Fitzgerald. The new head CEO of Lovely Corp.


Fitz: If they only knew.... (evil snickers)



2 weeks later....



Once Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco had taken over Lovely Corp, sales have skyrocketed. Almost half the population in Paradise were valuable Lovely Corp customers. Thanks to the credit card scheme where nobody has to pay off the balance. Walking to his mailbox one morning, Randall Crawford has a towel around him, getting his mail. After taking a shower.


Randall: Boy, I sure love that new bathtub from Lovely Corp I bought! (looks at his towel): And this towel too! I'm already dry!


Karen and Kevin were inside the living room. Watching a TV that they got from Lovely Corp. Kevin was admiring his Dungeons and Dragon's board game he got.


Kevin: Wow! I can't wait to show this to Dungeon Master, Eric, and Quohand!


Karen: Lovely Corp has everything! Thanks for buying this TV for me, Kevin!


Kevin: It was a pleasure, Mom!


Karen: Now I can watch all the Viola Davis shows I want!


Randall walks into the living room with the mail in his hand.


Karen: What did we get in the mail.


Randall (shuffles though the mail): Hmmm, let's see, bill, bill, bill, bill, and (screams)


Kevin: Dad! What has you so upset?


Randall: My credit bill says PAST DUE! (hands mail to Kevin): Even yours, Kevin!


Kevin's eyes nearly yanked out of his hand when he saw the shocking truth in front on him. The credit card they had obtained 2 weeks eariler really DID need to have the balance payed off.


Karen: But you're always on time with your credits cards.


Randall: I know I am. But this credit card indicates that you don't need to pay off the balance!


Kevin: I even signed up too!


Karen takes the credit card statements away from Kevin and Randall.


Kevin: Hey, what gives, Mom!


Randall: We can handle our own problems.


Karen (goes over the statements): A-ha! Just as I thought. You two have been fucking around buying Lovely Corp products! You both lost track of you responsibilities of paying bills.


Randall: Hey, I am a very responsible person, Karen. You see, Kevin talked me into this...


Kevin: You were in on it too! All I bought was this TV for Mom and his Dungeons and Dragons game that I was going to show to my friends.


Karen: Tell you what, how about I try to take out a loan from the bank....


Kevin looks at his statement and sees that he also spent too much on Lovely Corp. He gulped at how much debt he and Randall were in. When Randall, Karen, and Kevin were all talking until their voices overlapped, Fitz was watching them with a telescope.


Fitz: Just two more to go and my Hoose Gow will be complete!


Brett DeMarco: Hey, Fitz. Whatcha doing there? Playing The Rear Window? (laughs) You're no Jimmy Stewart that's for sure!


Fitz: What a hilarious comedian you are, Brett! You ought to replace Stephen Colbert on the Late Show!


Brett DeMarco: OKay, sorry. Don't take it so seriously!


Fitz: If you must know. Thanks to this telescope, I found out that Randall and Kevin are in major credit card debt over buying our Lovely Corp products.


Brett DeMarco: Want to nab them and put them in your prison camp?


Fitz: That was my intention. Kevin and Randall are going to be fun to torture in my Hoose Gow! We also have other prisoners too who gave into my credit card plan!


Brett DeMarco: Want me to grab their asses and bring them here?


Fitz: No, send Frank and Pedro to do it! (sighs) Ooooh! Randall and Kevin! Can't wait until you are in my clutches! (laughs evilly)


Two creatures one was yellow and one was pink came into the Head office of Lovely Corp. Their names were Charlie and Pim.


Pim: Uhhh, excuse me, Fitz is it?


Charlie: We want to file a complant and....


Fitz: GET BACK TO WORK!


Charlie and Pim ran off frightened.




Scene 2:



At the Crawford House, Karen and Randall are still aruging about the credit card bills.


Randall: I'm the one who earns an honest living being a police chief! So I will pay the bills myself.


Karen: What about me, and being a mayor? Don't I provide too?


Kevin: Cease and desist this arguing! Mom, you don't have to do anything. Dad and I will pay our bills ourselves.


Randall runs into the kitchen and calls the bank, soon Karen and Kevin heard Randall screaming.


Kevin: What is it Dad?


Randall: The money in our bank accounts is all gone!


Karen: Even mine?!??!?


Randall: Even yours Karen!


Karen: That doesn't surprise me one bit, you and Kevin probably snuck behind my back to buy these Lovely Corp products.


Randall: Oh what? You think Kevin and I are in a conspiracy to spend all your money or something?


Kevin: Come on, Mom. How can you think that? You've always sided with Mom against me.


Looking around their house filled with regret and buyers remorse, Kevin sees all the products he and Randall had bought from Lovely Corp. Everything from a Refridgerator, oven, dishwasher and even toilets. Still hearing his parents argue, Kevin goes into his room and sees his room filled with Lovely Corp products too.


Kevin (sighs sadly): What have we done?


Not playing attention to Kevin, Randall and Karen tear into each other. That was until their front door was broken down.


Randall: What the fuck!


Karen: Who are you?!?!?


Frank Flipperfist and Pedro Pooptooth broke down the front door and they were armed with guns.


Pedro Pooptooth: In the name of the people of Lovely Corpse...


Frank Flipperfist: Corp! We hearby place you Randall Crawford and your son Kevin under arrest!


Randall soon found himself being grabbed and beaten by Pedro Pooptooth. Karen didn't know what to do. She was full of fright and dread. Frank Flipperfist found Kevin in his room and grabbed and beat him in the same fashion that Pedro did to Randall.


Kevin and Randall: KAREN! SEND FOR HELP!


Karen snapped out of her state of shock.


Randall: Please Karen! We're being taken away to who knows the fuck where!


Kevin: Mom! Mom! Get the Paradise PD to help!


Karen: Oh so now you want my help, hey?


Frank and Pedro threw Randall and Kevin into the paddy wagon. Then drove off.


Pedro Pooptooth: Hope you know I didn't mean to pronounce it like 'corpse'. I just did that for humor, Puto!


Frank Flipperfist: You've been watching too many Mel Brooks movies.


Pedro Pooptooth: Hey, History of The World Part 1 was a masterpiece, puto!


Frank Flipperfist: The Producers will always be my favorite.


Wacthing her husband and son get taken away for Karen was now all alone. She decided to get the Paradise PD. As soon as she was going to head for the phone, a knock was heard at the door. Karen goes to get it. On the other side was Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos.


Karen: Can I help you, gentlemen?


Russian Mobster: We're here to repossess everything Randall and Kevin bought!


Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria! Out of our way, missy!


Karen cries as she sees Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos take everything Kevin and Randall had bought from Lovely Corp.


Russian Mobster: Did I tell you I am doing the alphabet now instead of counting?


Marcos Narcos: First I've heard of it.


Karen: As usual! I have to clean up Randall's and Kevin's messes. (breaths in and out) Paradise PD, here I come.




Scene 3:


The paddywagon that Randall and Kevin were inside the back was driving them to the prison camp Fitz built for anyone who was in debt to him. The prison camp was called The Hoose Gow. They were bewildered to see Robbie and Delbert were inside the back of the paddywagon.


Randall: Robbie and Delbert? You guys too?


Robbie: Yeah, we used a credit card and bought all this cool stuff....


Delbert: This so called 'cool' stuff we bought were gun and crack!


Robbie: Next thing we knew we are inside this paddywagon.


Delbert: Robbie and I ran out of crack so we used a credit card to get some...


Randall: It's not just us.


Kevin: Who else is there?


Robbie: That Hobo Cop guy...


Delbert: And also Cooter and Bo, think their sister is that Gina bitch.


The paddywagon stopped at The Hoose Gow, Frank Flipperfist opened the door.


Frank Flipperfist: Get out you shit headed maggots! Get out before I stick a pole up your asses and force you out!


One by one, Robbie, Kevin, Randall and Delbert all got out of the paddywagon. Then the four of them were forcibly pushed by Pedro Pooptooth.


Pedro Pooptooth: Faster Putos! Kill Kill!


Now Kevin, Randall, Robbie, and Delbert were all being thrown on the ground. They all had to stand in line. In the line were Hobo Cop, Cooter, Bo, Preacher Paul, and Charlie and Pim from Smiling Friends.



Frank Flipperfist: You all stay here until we get our leader! The new leader of Lovely Corp.


Randall: What the fuck is this, Brubaker?


Kevin: Looks like that place from the Eddie Murphy prison flick Life to me, Dad.


Robbie: Don't worry guys, I have an escape plan.


Randall: What is it? I'm willing to do anything right now.


Robbie (holds an apple): See this apple here? We called Camaro Bob and some larping kids on our cellphones to throw a ladder into here.


Delbert: That way once they see the apple we can all escape this hellhole together.


Randall: How many apples you got?


Delbert gives Randall and Kevin two apples. Charlie and Pim look at Kevin and Randall.


Randall (looks at Charlie and Pim): Who the fuck are you freaks?



Charlie: I'm Charlie.



Pim: I'm Pim.


Robbie: Yeah theys from that Adult Swim show Smiling Friends.


Kevin: What are you guys doing here?


Charlie: We came because we were trying to melt the hearts of the Lovely Corp leaders by making them smile.


Pim: Instead they got mad at us, Knocked us out, then we woke up. Now here we are.


Randall: Oh such a sad hard luck story.


Kevin: Bet this leader is Charles Lovely himself.


Randall: Yeah, and maybe Jeff Bezos and whoever else was there.


Fitz and Brett DeMarco show themselves to the prisoners.


Randall: WHAT??! THEM!


Kevin: Fitz and Brett DeMarco? I thought they were big time meth dealers!


Fitz: Not anymore!


Brett DeMarco: Didn't you hear? We beat those Helluva Boss demons in a mountain climbing competition.


Fitz: Now Charles Lovely is in retirement!


Randall: What about the people who worked for him, that Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg, and Jeff Bezos?


Fitz: They died! (walks around) Now. You all are here because you are in credit card debt from buying all my Lovely Corp products.


Brett DeMarco: You guys all didn't bother to pay off the balance every month like you're supposed to!


Fitz: Here we will work you all until your spirits break! Save your questions for the end of the speech.....


Robbie: When do we eat!


Delbert: Do we get to keep our cellphones?


The crowd erputs in laughter, Brett DeMarco lunges at Robbie.


Brett DeMarco: We eat when we tell you to eat!


Robbie got hit with the back of a shotgun by Brett DeMarco. Then Delbert gets hit too.


Brett DeMarco: No cellphones or luxuries here!


Fitz: Anyone who has cellphones, place them in this bucket, my adopted daughter will be collecting them.


Zeta comes with a bucket and Robbie, Preacher Paul, Hobo Cop, Delbert, Kevin, and Randall all dropped their cellphones inside.


Fitz: If any of you escape, Brett here will shoot you in the ass and force you to come back and so you can pay off your debts to Lovely Corp! Anything else?


Silence, tone dead silence.


Fitz: Good! Time to accept your fates! Welcome to The Hoose Gow!


Brett DeMarco: Kevin and Randall you guys come with us! The rest of you sons of bitches stay here until we decide what to do with you all!


Randall and Kevin gulp in fear.


Scene 4:


Inside the Paradise PD Headquarters, Bullet, Gina, Dusty, and Stanley were inside. Karen comes racing to the Police Headquarters in her car and runs up to the front door.


Karen: Once again, cleaning up Randall's and Kevin's messes is always on me! Why can't this ever happen to Randall's mother, Mavis?


Dusty: Sure is fun without Kevin and Randall around!


Gina: I know, right! We can do whatever we want!


Bullet: Anyone seen this porn magazine? It's fat porn if you can believe it! The title is Blobby Dicks!


Gina: Oooh! Mama wants in on that!


Stanley: I once directed a porn with Jackie Gleason!


Dusty: Say you guys, don't leave me out of it! I love porn just as much as the next guy.


Glancing through the Fat Porn Magazine. Stanley, Bullet, Gina, and even Dusty get a laugh out of it. The fun soon stops when they see a centerfold of Dusty's Mother.


Stanley: Hmm, Have I seen her somewhere before?


Bullet: You're right, Stanley! That looks like Dusty's Mom.


Dusty: Oh no! It is? Oh wait! (gasps) IT IS!!!


Gina: Forget her, what about that obese dude fucking her?


Stanley: You know what this means!


Bullet: That's right, Dusty is a porn baby!


Gina (feeling wet): Oooooh! Someone call ServPro! I just made syrup on the floor!


Bullet: We were living in the same town as a porn star and we never even knew?


Stanley: I say we gang up on him!


Bullet: All right!


Gina, Stanley, and Bullet (chanting): Porn baby! Porn baby! Porn baby! Porn baby! Porn baby!


Dusty (standing up): SSSTTTOOOOPPPP! (whines and cries) This is filth! This is smut! This is too much! This is too much! This is too much! Its all too much!


Karen (breaking into the front door): SHUT UP IN THERE!


Dusty, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley soon stopped when they turned to Karen.


Gina: Mayor Karen? What brings you here?


Karen: I'm glad you guys are here.


Dusty: Where else would be we?


Bullet: The porn daycare....


Dusty: Knock it off, Bullet.


Karen: Enough all of you! Please help me! You all may prevent a murder.


Dusty: Murder? Who did you kill?


Bullet: Where do you want us to bury the body?


Gina: Who do you want us to cover up for?


Karen: No, not that. Not exactly a murder. More like kidnapping.


Stanley: Who got nabbed?


Karen: Randall and Kevin did!


Bullet: Is that why they're not here today? Think we should take our time with this one guys, I'm enjoying having the police force without them.


Karen: NO! You are all going to help me bring them back.


Gina: What's the story?


Karen: This morning, Randall was checking his mail. He and Kevin both got credit card bills that were past due and over the limit. Then those Frank Flipperfist and Pedro Pooptooth guys broke in and kidnapped them and threw them in a van.


Gina: Now that you mention it, we've been getting complaints from people who spent too much on their credit cards.


Karen: Apparently these credit cards you don't need to pay off. Then Randall and Kevin were in for a big surpise when they found out they couldn't afford to pay it off! Then Marcos Narcos and some Russian guy came to repossess everything Kevin and Randall bought. As usual, I have to be the fixer of their problems.


Bullet: Bet anything Lovely Corp's behind this.


Dusty: They got some new dudes working for them.


Karen: I'm begging you! Help me find Randall and Kevin! Track down their whereabouts! I'm afraid that now that they're abducted, they could come to harm.


Dusty: No problem! Leave it to me! I can hack into our computer system and track down their cellphones.


Going to the computer, Dusty tries to get a signal from Randall's cellphone. But was unsuccessful. All because the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow had confiscated the prisoner's cellphones.


Dusty: Aww, shit. And to think I was able to do a age progression on Delbert at one time.


Karen: Isn't there another way?!?!


Dusty: I know! I'll try my cavity filling!


Bullet (rolls eyes) Oh no, not the old cavity filling cliche. I can see where this is going.


Stanley: I had a cavity filling once and I used it to talk to the Lone Ranger and Tonto!


Gina: There's a cavity on his body that I'd like to fill.


Thankfully for Dusty, he was able use his cavity filling to track down the location of Randall's cellphone.


Dusty: Getting a reading....and.....GOT IT!


Karen: Good! Where are my family!


Dusty: Well, it appears that Randall and possibly Kevin too are in some type of prison camp in Lovely Corp.


Gina: LOVELY CORP! Those twat waffles I knew it! Even my brothers got caught up in their shit!


Karen: Thanks for the help, now please go find my family and bring them back.


Stanley: Prison Camp, hey? You mean like Stalag 17?


Dusty: Something like that.....


Bullet: Come on, everyone! We're going to solve our first case without Randall and Kevin!



Scene 5:


At the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow. Randall and Kevin meet Fitz and Brett DeMarco at a wall that was used to close in the prisoners. Randall and Kevin had their apples that they got from Robbie and Delbert.


Randall: Okay, Fitz. We're here. What the fuck do you want?


Fitz: I noticed there's a growth inside your pants.


Brett DeMarco: You'll have to work though it yourself. There's no doctors here!


Fitz: You trying to be Mister Big Ball Energy again?


Randall: No no no! It's nothing, really.


Kevin: Oh we're fucked! (cries)


Brett DeMarco: Wait a minute, he has something in his pocket.


Fitz: Good eye, Brett. Empty your pocket, let's see what you got!


Randall does as he's told and shows him the apple.


Fitz: An apple hey? What's this supposed to be for?


Randall: Ahhhh, well......


Brett DeMarco: Hey, if he has one maybe Kevin does too!


Fitz: Like Father Like Son! Stupid movie, by the way. (walks over to Kevin) Do you have an apple too, Kevin?


Brett and Fitz pat down Kevin.


Randall (whispers to Kevin): Where's the apple?



Kevin opens his mouth and reveals that he's hidden the apple inside his mouth as Fitz and Brett were distracted by patting him down. Then they stop and notice that Kevin has something in his mouth.


Fitz: Ha! Call it my guy instinct, I Spy, another dumb movie shame on you Eddie Murphy! Why did you have to co-star with that hick Owen Wilson? With my little eye that you have an apple in your mouth.


Brett DeMarco: A whole one no less!


Kevin tries to get the apple out of his mouth but to no avail.


Fitz: Come on, cough it up, quit your fucking off!


Kevin (muffled) I can't get it out it's stuck! Help! (struggles)


Randall: Kevin you moronic mother fucker! What the hell were you thinking!


Kevin tries and tries to get the apple out of his mouth in any way he could.


Randall: Use your index fingers and push it out.


Kevin uses his fingers to push the apple out, still stuck inside. Kevin begins to panic and cry.


Brett DeMarco: Shit! A prisoner that cries.


Fitz: We won't be having that!


Randall: Get with the program Kevin. If you don't get that apple out you could choke to death!


Kevin screams and sobs.


Randall: I'm getting disgusted with this. How about one of you help him!


Fitz: I'll do it! (strangles Kevin)


Kevin hits Fitz in the ribs and Fitz yelps, then Brett kicks Kevin and he swallows the apple.


Kevin : It's gone! It's gone! Thanks guys!


Fitz: Lucky for you it wasn't a pineapple!


Brett DeMarco (throws the apple over the wall): Now you guys are going to go on work detail and....


A ladder slips onto the wall.


Randall whistles and looks into the sky as he pretends not to know anything about the ladder.


Brett DeMarco: Not a sound!


Fitz climbs up the ladder instead and sees on the other side Camaro Bob, Dungeon Master, Quohand, and Eric.


Camaro Bob: Beat it, babies! It's the fuzz!


Dungeon Master, Quohand, Camaro Bob and Eric all make a run for it when they drop the ladder and Fitz falls down. Randall sees a door on the wall.


Randall: Kevin, that door will lead us to freedom!


Kevin: Should we get the others?


Randall: Fuck no! Every man for himself!


Kevin and Randall went though the door. Fitz had the ladder tangled around his body. Brett helps him out of it. Bad luck was soon headed the police chief's way when Fitz noticed the door was open.


Fitz: OH fuck no! They discovered that door and escaped!


Brett DeMarco (cocks shotgun): I'll get them back!


Randall and Kevin were running in the field. They didn't know the door was open and Brett was about to shoot them both.


Kevin: Who needs apples, hey Dad?


Randall: Fuck that, did you remember to close the door, Kevin?


Kevin: Close door...


Randall: Goddammit Kevin it's just like you to fuck up and...


Standing in the door, Brett gets his shotgun ready and shoots both Randall and Kevin in the buttocks. Thus causing Randall and Kevin to come walking back to the prison camp with their pants blown away, torn apart in the buttocks area.


Brett DeMarco: Well, well, well! Looks who's come crawling back!


Randall: This is all your fault Kevin!



Scene 6:


Fitz and Brett were dragging Kevin and Randall back to the prison camp. Robbie, Delbert, Cooter, Preacher Paul, Hobo Cop, Charlie, Pim, and Bo were all still standing in line.


Brett DeMarco: Single file, all of you!


Robbie: We've been standing in single file for 30 minutes now!


Delbert: Yeah, when we gonna get to the fun part!


Fitz: FUN! You guys think this is FUN? Well it's not! Randall and Kevin tried to fucking bail out on us. And because of what they did. After all I am an equal opportunity kinda guy. Each and every one of you will be punished for what they did!


Preacher Paul: Okay, if this is God's journey for me. Bad enough I sinned with my credit card on Lovely Corp.


Fitz: Yeah, and look where that got you! You're not no man of God, when you're here in the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow! You're NOTHING!


Charlie: Uhh, our punishment?


Pim: Tell us please?


Fitz: Yes yes yes. Of course your punishment. Tell them Brett.


Brett DeMarco: You are all going to separate into two groups and dig holes! Robbie and Delbert you all will go with Preacher Paul, Cooter, Bo and Hobo Cop.


Hobo Cop: PARTNERS!


Brett DeMarco: You two cock suckers, Randall and Kevin you guys go with Charlie and Pim.


Randall: Oh shit.


Fitz leads Randall, Kevin, Charlie and Pim to an area with dead grass around and Zeta hands them shovels.


Zeta: Dig it up good, boys! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to play some app game on your cellphones!


Fitz: One thing we forgot to tell you. Anything you guys own will go to Zeta!


Brett DeMarco: Start digging!


Fitz and Brett walk off.


Charlie: Good. You guys can teach us how to dig.


Randall: Really? You serious?


Pim: I'm afraid it's true. The only thing we know is to make people smile.


Kevin: I can teach you guys. It's easy.


Charlie and Pim watch Kevin as he places his foot above the shovel and scoops out a pile of dirt.


Kevin: See? Nothing to it!


Pim: Okay, he we go.


Charlie: Anything to keep Fitz from getting mad at us.


Pim and Charlie try to dig. Randall and Kevin already were.


Charlie: This is hard.


Pim: Can you help us!


Randall: Were you both fucking paying attention? We already showed you! (points to the hole he and Kevin dug)


Charlie: Maybe it's these shovels.


Pim: Say I got it. Can you ask Fitz to give us better shovels?


Randall: No! The hell I am!


Kevin: He'll laugh at us.


Randall: Look, follow our lead, okay?


Charlie: Sure.


Soon after, Randall and Kevin showed them how to dig a hole. Afterward, Charlie and Pim got the hang of digging.


Pim: Maybe we can escape if we dig enough to reach China.


Randall: You guys can't dig to China! Y ou need frequent flyers miles to get there! You actually believe that horseshit?


Charlie: We were just trying to make you laugh.


Randall: Well, it's a fine time for laughing!


Kevin: Why do you want to go there? China started the Covid pandemic.


Randall and Kevin were still digging. Charlie and Pim were finally digging like experts.


Charlie: I think we made some friends here.


Pim: They're kind of mean but we can work with that.


Soon, Charlie and Pim threw some dirt in the air as they were digging with shovels, some of the dirt landed on Fitz and Brett DeMarco. Who were now charging at Randall, Kevin, Charlie and Pim. Brett DeMarco had a whistle and blow it loudly.



Fitz: Who threw that dirt!



Brett DeMarco: You'll make it easier on yourselves if you fess up!



Randall: Hmmmm.....uhhh, they did it! (points to Charlie and Pim)



Kevin: Yes indeed! It was them! They acted alone!


Fitz (to Charlie and Pim): I'm letting you both off with a warning.


Charlie: Thanks Fitz!


Pim: You're a pal.


Fitz: As for you two! (eyes Randall and Kevin)


Brett DeMarco: Randall and Kevin if you try any more funny shit, you both will receive the ultimate punishment.


Kevin: And what would that be!


Brett DeMarco: You don't want to know!


Fitz: BACK TO WORK!


Charlie, Pim, Randall, and Kevin continued to dig.


Kevin: If only someone knew we were here.


Charlie: Can we come with you guys if you get free?


Pim: We're friends now! Can we? Please?


Randall: Ahhhhh, no!


Charlie and Pim moan in disapointment.

Scene 7:


Back at the Paradise PD Headquarters. Dusty, Gina, Stanley, and Bullet were thinking of ways to bust out Randall and Kevin. Karen was there too.


Karen: Better think of something soon!


Bullet: We're working on it, okay!


Karen: You better! If you don't, and if Randall and Kevin are still in that prison camp by tonight, I'll fire you all! And that includes you too, Gina!


Gina: Okay! Fine! We get the point.


Stanley: So how are going to bust out Burt Lancaster and his pet bird?


Bullet: WHAT?!? You think this is thie Birdman Of Alcatraz!?!


Gina: He must be high or something.


Bullet: We'll need a disguise. Because we can't go into that prison camp as we are.


Gina: Yeah, they'd kick us out like Fresh Prince of Bel Air!


Stanley: I knew a Prince! His name as Albert and he lived in a can!


Dusty: Excellent concept, Bullet! Think there's some costumes in the evidence locker!


Karen's phone rings, and she leave to go answer it. Dusty comes out of the evidence locker and is now wearing a chef's outfit. The same one he wore when he had Dusty's Chicken Truck.


Dusty: Well, tell me what you think!


Gina: A chef's outfit? How in the hell will that work?


Dusty: Not exactly a chef, Gina. It can also be used for other things.


Bullet: Like what, exactly?


Dusty: We can go to the prison camp dressed like pie salesman!


Stanley: I kinda of like it.


Bullet: Pie salesmen?!?!?! What the FUCK! Yeah that'll work, (rolls eyes) we going to unite the prison camp with pie? I can just see Dusty now, (sings) We Are The Pie! We Are The Workers.....


Dusty: Yes! Pie salesmen! In fact I even made up a jingle for us! (sings) Simple Simon Meet A Pieman! Going To The Fair! Said Simple Simon To The Pieman....


Bullet: I think we should get something better. I don't know, something with a mask!


Dusty: It's either this or some dance costumes I found back there with masks.


Gina: Why didn't you think of that before!


Bullet: That's it! We'll go as a masked dance troupe!


Stanley: I was one of the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes back in the 1910s!


Dusty: All right, we'll go with the dance troupe costumes.


Bullet: Hope it's not those outfits those douchbag Crystal Light dancers wear.


Going into the evidence room, Dusty, Gina, Stanley and Bullet all got into the dance troupe costumes and masks.



Scene 8:



After hours of digging holes, Fitz announces that it's now time for a lunch break. Randall, Kevin, Charlie and Pim were happy that they were going to get a break, but they still longed for freedom.


Fitz (ringing a triangle): Break time! Break time! Break time!


Bo: Yes! It's quitting time!


Cooter: Who says it's quitting time?!


Brett DeMarco: All report to the tables at once!


The Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos were the chefs at the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow. The prisoners were provided with food trays and had their food spilled in them with a ladel. Kevin, Charlie, Randall, and Pim were last in line.


Randall (to Charlie and Pim): You've both been deadweights! All because you want to follow us around because you think we're (mocking voice) 'friends'.


Charlie: That's not very cool to say.


Pim: But we want to be your friend!


Kevin: What table should we sit at?


Randall: There's two of them.


One table was long, and the other looked like a small picnic table. Randall and Kevin tried to join in with the others.


Robbie: Sorry, table's full.


Randall: Well, make room!


Delbert: We already have our places picked out.


Kevin: Where are WE supposed to sit?


Hobo Cop (points to the small picnic table): That's our table over there!


Randall: All right.


Charlie: Good, that can hold up to four people!


Pim, Charlie, Randall, and Kevin all sit at the smaller picnic table. They were going to eat their lunch. It was boiled chicken legs with mashed potatoes with thin beeg gravy and some cornbread.


Kevin: Cornbread, yuck! Don't we even get dessert?


Randall: This is a place of punishment Kevin! So I guess we don't.


Charlie (eating): Mmmm, this boiled chicken leg is delicious!


Pim (eating): Go ahead, eat.


Randall: This chicken looks like that shit they ate the the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics.


Kevin: Doesn't seem so bad to me. I kinda of like the mashed potatoes to be honest.


Randall, Kevin, Charlie, and Pim were eating their dinners then they were approached by Fitz and Brett DeMarco.


Fitz: HEY! What gave you guys the right to sit here?


Charlie: The other table was full.


Kevin: They would not let us sit with them.


Brett DeMarco: Well are you aware that this is the Boss's table?


Randall: Holy shit! How could we have been so fucking stupid! We're so sorry! By all means, take it!


Kevin: Hey! Where are we supposed to sit?


Fitz: Why don't you go eat in the grass. Might as well get used to that considering you're all going to be here a while.


Brett DeMarco: For sitting at our table, you got yourself a penalty!


Randall: What's the penalty?


Fitz: Eat your lunch on the grass!


Randall threw his lunch tray into the ground. He could not take the conditions of the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow anymore.


Kevin: Dad!


Randall: I want something better than this boiled chicken!


Charlie: I agree Randall. We may be prisoners but we still have rights.


Pim: Maybe we can get something better to eat.


Robbie: Excuse me? You guys complaining about the food here?


Delbert: We hate it too.


Kevin: Is there any way we can get better food?


Robbie: Why yes. How about chop down that tree over there?


Randall and Kevin look as Robbie points to the tree.


Charlie: Ooooh. Looks pretty big.


Randall: You want us to eat or give that fucking tree a tree job?


Delbert: No, no. You don't get it. The more wood you get, the more you get to eat.


Pim: Sheesh, Randall. Why are you so uptight all the time?


Charlie: Yeah, if you smile more you...


Randall: Say, you guys want to be friends with me and Kevin right?


Pim: Yes!


Charlie: More than anything.


Kevin: Dad? What're you doing?


Randall: Shut up, Kevin. Go grab some axes and you guys chop down that three.


The tree was actually a watchtower to oversee prisoners escape. Puffy the Cigarette was up on top sleeping.


Charlie and Pim see some axes piled up next to the picnic tables.


Pim: One problem, can you show us how to chop down a tree?


Kevin: Just hit the tree with the axe.


Randall: Stop that, Kevin! You're enabling their neediness!


Charlie: Well you guys showed us how to dig, now we will chop.


Randall, Kevin, Charlie and Pim walk over to the tall tree. Kevin hands Charlie the axe.


Kevin: Good luck.


Randall: Swing the axe at the tree (begins to giggle)


Kevin: What's so funny?


Randall: Don't let them hear me laugh.


Charlie hits the tree with the axe.


Pim: Wow! You're good.


Charlie: Just remembered we watched Lady Chatterly.


Randall (whispers to Kevin): Wait until Fitz finds out what they're doing. (snickers)


Kevin was appalled at what Randall whispered to him. Charlie and Pim were both taking turns chopping down the tree.


Pim: Getting there!


Charlie: Easy does it!


Puffy the Cigarette was still sleeping. Minutes later, Puffy the Cigarette woke up and Charlie and Pim chopped down the tree. Neither of them knew that Puffy the Cigarette was sleeping up there.


Charlie and Pim: TIMBER!


Puffy The Cigarette notices the tree he was sitting on top of was down falling.


Kevin (whsipers): You're setting them up are you?


Puffy the Cigarette: SAVE ME! OOOHH! HELP!


The tree lands on the tent of the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow and smashes it. Robbie, Delbert, Cooter, Bo, Preacher Paul, and Hobo Cop all run away. Fitz and Brett DeMarco soon take notice!


Fitz: Damn! Who the fuck chopped down that tree?!?!


Brett DeMarco: Bet our not-so-model prisoners Randall and Kevin did it.


Fitz and Brett DeMarco run over to the chopped down tree. Puffy the Cigarette ran away.


Puffy the Cigarette: I wish Fitz would give me better jobs to do! I'm going to dox him on social media!


Fitz: Which one of you chopped down that tree?!?!?!


Kevin: It wasn't me.....


Randall: With all due respect, we're all innocent until proven guilty. (points to Charlie and Pim) THEY DID IT!


Charlie and Pim run away.


Randall: See! They're running off like they're worried they're going to be blamed! GET 'EM!!!


Brett DeMarco: You both have been nothing but trouble from the very first moment you set foot here!


Kevin: Do we get the ultimate punishment you've mentioned before.


Fitz: Yes you do! You guys love chopping wood, you both will build my boat!


Brett DeMarco grabs Randall and Kevin by the necks on their shirts and drags them off.


Fitz: You guys do a good job to build my boat or else!


Kevin: Charlie! Pim!


Fitz: No they're not going to help you. We happen to know you set them up!


Randall: How in the mother fucking hell did you find that out!


Brett DeMarco: We have our iphones to watch the prisoners! We saw you the whole time!


Fitz: You never get away with trickery here at the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow!


Randall and Kevin are now looking forward to even more hard labor by building a boat for Fitz and Brett DeMarco.




Scene 9:


Outside Paradise PD Headquarters. Karen was on her phone.


Karen: Hello? Oh yes. Your that lawyer my Dad hired to make his will.


The phone call was one sided.


Karen: What? Really? We inherited THAT much from my Dad? Thank you so much! I'll come over right away. Thanks again, goodbye!


The phone was hung up.


Karen: Wow! $12 Million Dollars inherited from my dead Father! That's enough to save Randall and Kevin from their credit card debts. Wait until I tell the Paradise PD the good news and....


Going inside the Paradise PD Headquarters, Karen sees everyone had already left.


Karen: Oh well. I'll surprise them.


Getting into her car, Karen drives herself to the lawyer to claim her money. Meanwhile, the Paradise PD were at the front enterance of the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow. Dusty, Stanley, Gina, and Bullet were dressed in their dance troupe costumes. Dusty rings the doorbell.


Dusty: Prison camps have doorbells? Who knew?


Fitz answers.


Dusty: Hello, sir!


Gina, Bullet, Stanley, and Dusty were all stunned and astonished to see that Fitz was now the new corporate leader of Lovely Corp.


Fitz: Gerald Fitzgerald. New Head CEO of Lovely Corp. How can I help you all?


Gina: Is this a prison camp?


Fitz: Yes for people who've gotten themselves in debt by overspending on my products.


Bullet: We're a dance troupe and we'd love to entertain the prisoners for a show.


Fitz: Okay, sure. I approve! Come right this way.


Brett DeMarco (points shotgun at them): State your business or die!


Fitz: Relex Brett! Calm down! They're cool! They're here to put on a show for the prisoners.


Brett DeMarco: Like Walk The Line, hey? Come this way.


Fitz and Brett DeMarco were leading Dusty, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley inside the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow. Dusty sees Randall and Kevin being forced to build a boat. Dusty winks at them.


Randall: Why did they wink at us? Are they gay?


Kevin: I think that's Dusty, Dad! That's the way he signals us!


Randall: OMG! We'll be saved soon! Don't you dare tell anyone I said, OMG!


Kevin: Sure Dad! Anyway, (laughs uneasily) yeah to get the fuck out of this rat hole, hey?


Fitz: You guys can perform on this open field.


Brett DeMarco: Hope you guys don't mind, it's the only thing we have.


Dusty, Gina, Stanley, and Bullet were prepared to put on a show for the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow prisoners.


Scene 10:


Fitz gathered all the prisoners, Robbie, Delbert, Bo, Cooter, Hobo Cop, Charlie, Pim and Preacher Paul to watch the big performence that was being put on by the dance troupe. Randall and Kevin were being forced to build the boat.


Randall: Guess we're just about finished here, Kevin.


Kevin: Hope it's sturdy enough. Fitz will kill us if it isn't.


Randall: We just need one more piece of wood to put on it.


Kevin: Think that wooden moose head was part of it.


The wooden moose head was spotted by Randall. It looked black and tarry. When Randall was about to add it to the boat, Charlie and Pim sneak away to help Kevin and Randall.


Kevin: Hey, you guys are back.


Pim: We didn't want to watch that dance.


Charlie: So we decided to help you guys instead.


Kevin: Even though my Dad stood you up?


Charlie: We knew he did. But hey we forgive him.


Pim: They don't call us the Smiling Friends for nothing.


Randall: I give up! You guys can help.


Pim and Charlie: YAY!


Randall: Oh my! Check out this moose head! It looks like Bullwinkle has been charred! (laughs)


Charlie: Hey, you just made a joke, and you're smiling!


Pim: When we first saw you, you were a stiff! Maybe there's hope for you yet!


Randall (puts on moose head): Save me, Rocky! Help me! Can somebody please put me out? I seem to be on FIRE!


Charlie, Kevin, and Pim all laugh. When they were going to add the moose head to the boat, they decide to watch the dance performance from far away.


Kevin: Dad? We should be....


Randall: Quiet Kevin! Don't blow this for us!


Kevin (rolls eyes): Quiet! Always quiet.


Fitz and Brett DeMarco were on the open field.


Brett DeMarco: Like all other prisons in this world, we guys will get to see a dance. We decided to invite this dance troupe to put on a show for you.


Fitz: That's right. Gentlemen give a nice warm welcome to Dance....hmmm, that's funny. They never told us their names. Well, anyway. Whoever the fuck these guys are!


Applause filled the air. Dusty, Gina, Stanley, and Bullet were disguised as the dance troupe. The song they perform is Don't Worry Be Happy. But with different lyrics.


Dusty (singing): Here's a little song for you!


Gina (singing): The lyrics are so very tried and true!


Stanley (singing): So Don't Worry...


Bullet (singing): BE HAPPY! Take it....


Dusty: (singing): You all overspent on your credit cards.


Gina (singing): And in the end you all felt like you're dumb as lard!


Stanley (singing): So Don't Worry!


Bullet (singing): Be Happy!


Dusty (singing): Now you're all forced to work your asses off.


Gina (singing): Until you're all tired and slower than sloths!


Stanley (singing): So Don't Worry....


Bullet (singing): Be Happy! Don't Worry Be Happy Now!


They all danced to the chorus of the song. Everyone all booed the performance.


Robbie: It's like they're insulting us!


Delbert: I say we kill the mother fuckers!


Bo: Get them!


Cooter: ATTACK!


Robbie, Delbert, Bo, Cooter, Preacher Paul, and Hobo Cop try to storm the open field to attack the 'dance troupe' who were the Paradise PD disguised as. A fight broke out.


Fitz: STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP THIS FOLLISHNESS THIS INSTANT! You're all supposed to show respect!


Brett DeMarco: If you don't sit back down right now, I'll shoot my shotgun at your asses!


Kevin, Randall, Charlie, and Pim all run to see what was going down.


Randall: Oh no! They came to break us out! Now looks what's happened!


Kevin: Now we gotta help them!


Randall: Let's go! If we don't do something now it'll be like that theater scene from The Blob!


Kevin: Right behind you!


Charlie and Pim: Wait for us!




Scene 11:



Now a full blown riot has broken out. Dusty, Gina, Stanley, and Bullet were able to get away. As much as they wanted to fight off the inmates, they had to restrain themselves out of fear they will blow their cover and their plan to free Randall and Kevin will go up in flames. Now Fitz and Brett DeMarco along with Robbie, Delbert, Hobo Cop, Cooter, Bo, and Preacher Paul were all now fighting each other.


Fitz (gets punched by Robbie): You mother fucker! (punches Robbie back)


Brett DeMarco (kicks Delbert): You dare hit me?


Cooter and Bo were beating up each other. As were Hobo Cop and Preacher Paul!


Preacher Paul: This is for eating my bibles!


Hobo Cop: Yeah, this is for kicking me out of the church!


Kevin, Randall, Charlie, and Pim all ran to where the riot was going on. Then Dusty gave them the signal to tell them it was him and the Paradise PD.


Randall: Dusty! I'd never thought I'd say this, but I am so happy to see you!


Dusty: Why thank you! You're all lucky to have Dusty as an employee!


Bullet: We intentionally pissed them off so we can create a distraction!


Gina: Yeah, look at them! (laughs) Those twat waffles are practically killing one another!


Stanley: Let's make a break for it before they notice we're all gone!


Randall, Kevin, Gina, Dusty, Bullet, and Stanley all make their getaway. That was until they were stopped by Charlie and Pim.


Pim: You forgot us!


Charlie: Take us too! We're friends now!


Randall (picks up Charlie and Pim): I don't think so!


When Charlie and Pim got kicked by Randall, they both landed in the middle of the riot, Now Charlie and Pim were caught between Fitz, Brett, Hobo Cop, Robbie, Delbert, Preacher Paul, Bo, and Cooter.


Charlie: Now let's talk about this...


Pim: It's no use....


Dusty leads Kevin, Randall, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley into the sqaud car.


Kevin: Thank you! Saved our asses back there!


Gina: Don't mention it! Next stop! Police Headquarters!


Randall: Police Headquarters! Home Sweet Home!


Kevin: Say, what happened to those Smiling Friends dudes?


Randall: Forget them! They were annoying as fuck!


Kevin: We should've taken them with us. They considered us our friends!


Randall: It's like a told you before, Kevin.


Kevin: Yes yes, I know. Every man for himself!


Randall: I taught you too well!


Bullet: Who knew Don't Worry Be Happy would piss people off!


Gina: Good idea we had to change the lyrics!


Stanley: We should've done Beetlebaum by Spike Jones instead!


Dusty: The operation was a complete success! And nobody knew it was really us!


As Dusty drives them all back to the Paradise PD Police Headquarters.




Scene 12 Conclusion:


At the Paradise PD Headquarters. Randall and Kevin were happy to be back. However, the guilt of spending too much on their credit cards on Lovely Corp products still hovered over their heads.


Kevin: Why did we get so caught up buying Lovely Corp shit? I even regret buying that Dungeons and Dragons Board Game.


Randall: You think you feel bad?! What about me! I spent it on a bathtub for old people! I'm not even old yet!


Stanley: You should give it to me! I bathed with Ester Williams once!


Bullet: Ahhhh! Once you guys came back, all you did was whine about your gay ass credit card debt! Sheesh!


Gina: Yeah, Bullet's got a point there. Ask Stewart Varney to help you!


Dusty: Yeah! Why not try to take out of loan from Fidelity or something!


Karen walks into the conference room.


Randall: Karen what gives?


Karen: I have some excellent news.


Kevin: Spill the beans Mom.


Karen: Remember that lawyer my Dad got in touch with?


Randall: Yes, what about him?


Karen: Well, he called me and he left me $12 Million Dollars!


Randall: All right! That is so fucking awesome!


Kevin: You mean we're millionaires?


Karen: Well, not exactly. You see I used the money to pay off your debts.


Kevin: Thank you, Mom.


Randall: Good good? What about the rest of the money?


Karen: I sent the rest of it to charities and used some to pay off other's debts too.


Randall: Goddammit!


Karen: Come off it, Randall! Just be grateful I was able to clean up your messes.


Randall: Okay. I'll let you go for this time.


Kevin: Now we're debt free.


Karen: See? It never hurts to have me weasel you out of your problems now does it?


Randall and Kevin: You're right.


Gina: Who needs that money, anyway! We can go back to busting crooks!


Bullet: Yeah! I like that better! I'd rather be poor, high and happy than be sober, rich and bored to death!


Dusty: Like they always say, money doesn't buy happiness!


It was a good day for Randall and Kevin now that they were debt free thanks to Karen and her inheritance. Back at the Lovely Corp Hoose Gow. Fitz and Brett were looking around for their prisoners.


Fitz: Where is everybody? Where the hell are we, Ground Zero?


Brett DeMarco: Fuck it to hell! There's nobody here!


Fitz: Where could they have gone!


Brett DeMarco: You think they escaped?


Fitz: It appears so, Brett!


Brett DeMarco: Shit! That means we don't have them to force labor anymore!


Fitz: There's only one group of people I can think of who were behind all this.


Brett DeMarco: Of course! The Paradise PD! Good thing Zeta is at school right now.


Fitz: Paradise PD! Those mother fuckers! They may have taken away my Hoose Gow prisoners, Lovely Corp will be back and (screams): DESTROY AND ANNIHILATE YOU PARADISE PD!




THE END