(#) shawnpickett 2005-05-19This story is a perfect example of blind Hermione bashing. Really, the character has her faults, but really, she trusts Snape because Dumbledore does, and because he has stepped up to the plate and saved their asses over the years (first year with the broom, third year, he was trying to save them from Sirius, and he did try to protect them from Lupin when he transformed.) She does get on Harry about his dealings with Snape, not because she respects him as a teacher, but because she's trying to keep Harry out of trouble. The only time she's EVER ratted Harry out was over the Firebolt in third year, and she was right, it was from Sirius Black, she was just wrong about the motive. As for respecting teachers, Trelwaney in third year when she stormed out of the old frauds class, and Umbridge in fifth year when Hermione questioned her in front of the whole class, and then twisted Harry's arm to get him to form and illegal club to deal with Umbridge's defficancies.
Other than Hermione, the story was dead on, and I loved it, a very amusing tale, thank you.
- This was a fun story to read. I thought your portrayal/characterization of Snape was dead-on accurate. I thought you had Hermione down well as well, although I would see her being more excited about having competant teachers so she could learn more, once she calmed down after Harry's "teacher disrespect".
I could certainly see expanding this story further, perhaps even in a series of one-shots of events as Harry gets older(i.e. a one shot where Harry needs to appoint a new Headmaster after Dumbledore, a new Ministry attempt to take away Hogwarts, etc.). But the story itself stands well enough on its own, where future chaps, etc. would not be neccessary
- A strange story this - the interactions between Snape, Dumbledore and Harry are all a bit off somehow (even though Harry resented Dumbledore not speaking to him in 'Phoenix, I never had the impression that Harry disliked him as a person), yet it's still very enjoyable. I won't hold these characterisations against you, since they do contribute some food for thought.
There were a handful of spelling errors which'd be easy enough to fix with a beta reader or even reading over it yourself. Apart from that, good work.
- There's some word repetition. I doubt even a law firm would say the words "your family" over and over without variation.
I wonder if any of Harry's friends will suggest that perhaps the "account" in the letter is a matter of debts.
EAGLE: Harry Potter, you owe five bazillion galleons in back accounting fees and are doomed to a life of eating instant ramen and using the cheap no-name brands of toothpaste that taste like onion droppings.
Why wouldn't Harry tell Dumbledore where he was going? Even if Harry blamed Dumbledore for "manipulating" him, I still don't think we'd see the same kind of antagonism between Harry and Dumbledore that we'd see between Harry and Snape. I think Harry would be at least a little sad for the trust they'd once shared, and he would make at least a little effort to keep things civil between them. It would also make the ending seem a little more hopeful.
"Yea, isn't it enough?" I think you meant "Yeah." "Yea" is pronounced "Yay."
You tend to repeat yourself. Sure, by the Head Table scene, Dumbledore doesn't know how Harry could be the heir, but the readers do. You don't need to give us the same information in the same way twice.
Ghosts are "exorcised," not "exercised."
Gosh, Harry is a jerk in this.
(#) Mistress_of_Potions 2010-11-09I'm sorry that I couldn't rate this story (the message said that it couldn't be rated any further in a positive direction) because I wanted to give it an "Original" rating. It was nice to see Hermione slapped down a bit. She really IS an insufferable know-it-all.
- A very good story told in one chapter. I don't agree with your characterization of Hermione but, writer's prerogative. I think Harry stopped short on teacher evaluations. I agree with the fanon authors who suggest better Muggle studies and a course on Wizarding culture (not just British).
Also, as again has been recognized by other authors, Binns was getting paid, who cashed the checks?
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