Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The True to Life Abominations

The Consequences of Bringing a Hellboy Lunchbox to the Stereotypical School

by nerds_assemble 1 review

Bruises, discussions of birth and grapes. [Written by nerds_assemble]

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Characters: Gerard Way,Mikey Way - Published: 2010-12-25 - Updated: 2010-12-26 - 1233 words

“The Consequences of Bringing a Hellboy Lunchbox to the Stereotypical School”
December 9, 2010 at 3:13PM
By Mikey [Like the Ninja Turtle] Way

“Today, a new student Michael Way came to Belleville Middle School. He was a mere 7th grader in a swarming sea of students, driven to school by his mother. There wasn’t a warm welcome for this young boy. The minute his mother drove away, he was tackled by a group of football players and hit with his metal lunchbox by a group of baseball players, resulting in a black eye. Throughout the day, Michael received many other injuries, including a nasty gash on the head from being shoved in the boy’s bathroom toilet. He sat alone during lunch in the art room storage closet. While eating his lunch, Michael tried to mend his broken glasses. Michael proceeded to go on through day with broken glasses, getting kicked in the back and ‘accidently’ falling down a flight of stairs, also having his broken glasses punched into his eye, leaving him bleeding in the eye. Yet throughout all of this, the students who caused this Hell to Michael get no punishment. Michael is now in critical condition at the Clara Maass Medical Center,”

I’m extremely weak. My head feels like it’s going to explode. Every time I move, my ribs hurt. My right eye burns, surprisingly not swollen. My lower back is in so much pain. My left eye is black with bruising. My vision is blurry. Mom says I’m a ‘tough cookie’ for not crying during all of this. My mom cries, though. My brother just sits in the hospital chair next to me, staring at the lunchbox that has dried blood on the corner. Mom goes and says that she’s going to call my dad and I do my best to nod. Gerard waits for her to shut the door and then runs up to me.

“Hey, Mikey,” He smiles. I glare at him. He frowns a little bit, sticking his lip out and furrowing his eyebrows. “What’d I do?” He asks and I keep glaring at him. He ignores my glares, the jerk, and continues talking. “Mikey, wanna bust out?” I stare at this brother of mine who wears a big grin on his face. How could this boy (who’s older) be related to me?

He’s nuts.

“Are you insane?” I ask in a monotone voice. He shrugs and nonchalantly looks at his feet.

“Only sometimes,” The grin comes back. “C’mon, I have the perfect idea!” He looks enthusiastic and now it hits me.

My brother is so a girl.

“No. No way (Mikey’s note: not to pun)! You are insane, Gerard. The last time I followed your one of ‘perfect ideas’ I ended up like this! No. Nope,” I lash out at him; he just stands there, looking the same as he did before.

“How was that my fault? I didn’t put you in here!” He yells back, his face shifting a little, but then it returns to the face of happiness. It makes me pisséd. Yes. Pisséd. “Besides!” He shouts cheerily. Gerard is a bipolar girl. He has to be. Or…a raging hormonal teenage girl. I don’t know, yet, but he’s one of those two. Possibly…both? “I do have super powers, you know,” He states and takes out his eyeliner/guyliner pencil. Glaring at his arm, he writes down a few words. I try to look and see what he writes, but he is covering it with his writing arm. He stops writing and drops his unwritten hand, staring intently at the words. This is the best part. The words start glowing, a really light blue and changing into a few different colors. I have a strange thing for colors, so I felt the colors. They were colors of warmth. Then, his pupils turn lavender and he looks up at me. The words float around in the air for a few seconds and then they plop onto my body. I then awesomely transform purple. All my cuts and bruises heal.

A few seconds pass and I admire what I look like now, because now that I’m back to normal, I look overly handsome.



“…Why is your power so much cooler than mine? And how come you aren’t all broken like I was? You look weird…I mean, you have green hair. That’s a bit odd for a stereotypical school,” I conclude, flexing my arm muscles (if I had any) and being extremely impressed/jealous of Gerard. He sighs and shakes his head.

“Mikey, Mikey, Mikey,” He trails off, causing me to look at him curiously, which only makes him laugh and pat my head like he’s superior. Pft. Yeah, right, pal. “Oh, you’re too innocent for this world,” He laughs and plunks into his chair.

“Continue, Gerard,” I say as he looks back at me and chuckles. I want to punch him. Really badly.

“Okay, Mikes,” He starts, without hesitation. “Mikey, do you remember when you were born?” I shake my head and he sighs. “Course, you wouldn’t,” I open my mouth to say something, but he continues talking. Like, what? Now he’s smarter than me? Me? Ugh, the bitch. “Anyway, you know how we have our powers, right? How we were,” he makes quotation marks and says annoyingly. “Exposed to toxic waste?” I nod and Gerard sighs. “Okay, Mikey. What really happened was…Dad was a nerd. He was an idiot. He thought it’d be cool if we were super heroes. He’d read that Spider-Man was bit by a radioactive spider, Hulk had some…let’s say, scientific/anger problems, and that Batman made his own weapons,” I stared blankly at him.

“I know all that,” I frowned. “What’s your point?”

“Well, he thought it’d be amazing to have little super hero sons. So, when mom went to buy me toys, the day I was born, dad snuck me off to some plant and dipped me in toxic waste,” I stared in awe at him. Dad really was a total douche. I pointed to myself. “You? Well,” He started, biting his lip. “Dad kinda wanted you to be like Daredevil,” He said a little hesitantly.

“…You mean…He wanted me blind?” I asked Gerard, who nodded.

“Yes, that would be correct,” Gerard seemed to be waiting for my response.

“The fuck. Why would he want a blind son? What’d he put in my eyes?”

“Frankly, I have no idea…It was a mixture of saw dust, alcohol, and something glowing,”

“What the hell? Saw dust? Alcohol? I at least hope it wasn’t something cheap, like beer. Hopefully he put some old wine from Italy in my eyes,”

“It’d explain why you smell of naughty grapes,”

“Naughty grapes?”

“Why not? They are naughty, after all. Getting all those people drunk…” He made the sign for ‘naughty’ in sign language. “Bad grapes,”

“Oh, that’s nice, Gerard. Real nice,”

“Hey, man, what can I tell you? It’s only the truth,”

*Thus, the Powerpuff Girls were born!!! Can you guess which one is Gerard? I would totally say Bubbles. I would be Buttercup, cause Buttercup is hot!
Ah, who said that?
Naughty reader.
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