Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Quiet, Now. They're Showing the Rapture!

Jump the Shark.

by nerds_assemble 4 reviews

They actually like, interact in this chapter. Thumbs and cookies if you get the chapter title refference.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor,Sci-fi - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2012-11-28 - Updated: 2012-11-29 - 1187 words

“You can trust us with your son, ma’am.”

“Yes, we’ll be fine. Just fine.” Without so much as a flutter towards Frank’s way, Linda and Donny opened the door.

“But, mommy!” Frank whined as the door slammed shut with a 'toodaloo!' Ray looked around, Gerard glared down Frank in attempt to scare him off. “Why?” He said plainly and walked to the kitchen. Gerard shrugged. They both followed Frank. He grabbed a clear bowl. He opened the fridge. Got the milk. Shut the fridge. Pulled out a box of FrootLoops. Poured them in his bowl. Poured the milk in. Ray and Gerard followed him through each of these little steps. He stood and at, staring out the window. Ray and Gerard stared at Frank, trying to decipher if he was actually seeing Satan. Frank whipped around. “God, are you guys going to just fuckin’ stare?” He yelled, drops of milk surrounding his mouth. He chomped hard on the FrootLoops.

“Well, we’re being paid to do so.” Gerard replied, pulling out one of his swabs. Frank eyed Gerard and watched him open it and place it in his mouth, just acting fucking normal about the whole bit. “So, yeah.” Gerard nodded. “Basically.” Frank just stared with wide eyes. He looked over to Ray.

“He’s always like this.”

“But…that’s bad for you.”

“Why do you think I do it?” Gerard replied. “I wanna be like, the only person in history to die of alcohol swabs.”

“I still don’t get why…” Ray mumbled.

“It’s ironic, ‘cause…y’know…they’re supposed to save lives.”

“I’m not an idiot.” Gerard blatantly said, pulling out the swab to speak.

“Wow. It really doesn’t appear that way.” Frank curtly replied.

“Oh, bite me.” Gerard said, flipping the kid off and walking over to the mudroom. “I’ve got a degree, you know!” Gerard shouted. Ray rolled his eyes. Frank opened his mouth to say something, but Ray cut him off. “It’s in nursing…thank you very much…” He muttered, annoyedly. “Questioning my authority…please, bitch. I’ve got a fuckin’ degree in cosmetology…I don’t need to put up with this shit…” He mumbled becoming less audible and more…well, crazed.

“I know, I know. And you’re the crazy one.” Frank looked down and muttered something about trying to be unpredictable. “What is it that irks you so much, Frank?” Ray asked, sitting with him. Right now, Frank liked Ray way better. He was nicer and he actually seemed legit.

“It started when I got shot----” Ray put his hands up and Frank took another bite of his FrootLoops.

“Waitwaitwait…you got shot?” Frank nodded, swallowing his FrootLoops.

“In my chest.” Ray widened his eyes.

“Here? In your little suburban town?” Frank shook his head, taking another bite.

“No way, man. Shooting near the highest ranking colleges? Don’t you think you’d hear of that?” Frank placed his spoon in his bowl and looked at Frank. “I, uh, I went up to Jersey for the weekend----”


“Well…er…kinda…” Frank admitted. “But it was only to Newark…I didn’t think I’d get hurt or anything.” Ray sighed and motioned for Frank to continue.

“He shot my ass too.”

“Who did?”


“Satan. Satan shot you. In the chest. And the butt. Satan.”

“I know how it sounds, but I swear it was him!”

“How are you so sure?”

“I don’t…I just…ngh…” Frank lowered his head and leaned in, his voice dropped. “He did something that no human could ever do.”

“…what did he do?”

“You won’t believe me.”

“I can’t promise anything.”

“I like the X-Files!” Gerard shouted from the other room. He walked closer to the door frame.

“I want to believe.” Ray said, making both Gerard and him laugh.

“You guys! This is me, being serious! I’ve only told two lies and one was to keep the other lie true.” The questioned him and he sighed. “I told this kid who was beating on me in the seventh grade…He always was eating carrots. Looked like the fuckin’ Bugs Bunny…I said ‘Carrots cause penis reduction. And I noticed the other day in the gym…you were missing some something somethings, huh? You know I’m right.’ in front of this girl he wanted to bone or something…”

“So?” Gerard asked, smiling.


“Did it work?” Ray chimed in, laughing a bit.

“What? Are you two morons? Of course it didn’t work!” Frank choked out through fits of laughter. The other two joined in.

“And the lie you told to make the other one true?” Ray asked. Frank looked at his bowl and laughed.

“Oh…you know…Just…just, you know…going into Gimp and scanning the tag on a carrot label…and then putting a warning: these carrots cause penis reduction, you are warned…”

“Surely he must’ve looked it up on the internet.” Gerard pushed, laughing. Frank looked up at the ceiling, trying to conceal his laughter.

“Well. Yeah. He did. But…I kinda used one of those KeyLogger things and tapped into his computer from mine…I made websites and tumblrs from different personalities…saying: ‘The truth about Carrots!’...and ‘What the Government Hides in Our Carrots!’...but then, with the KeyLogger, I made it look like he had all these cookies on his computer and trackers and warning messages. Like, ‘You are not authorized to view this.’…then…I kinda made my parents pull me out of the school. It was an awful school anyhow. But, I staged it so he was there when my dad pulled up…only he used one of his buddies black cars with the tinted windows…And it looked like I was being taken away by the government...I screamed ‘Know the truth! Carrots cause penis reduction!’…I think he’s off telling the world about Area 51 and Roswell…”

“And the carrot thing.” Ray added, laughing like a madman. “But, you say this is real? And not a lie?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.” Gerard glared with a serious face at him.

“That can be arranged.” Gerard narrowed his eyes. Frank did a hesitant double take.

“I don’t…” Frank responded to Gerard. Gerard nodded and mouthed mafia.

“But. As you were saying.” Ray continued, fiercely looking at Gerard.

“Yeah…okay. It’s crazy, but he like, was the gun.”

“What are you saying? This guy shapeshifted into a gun and shot you?” Ray smirked a bit.

“No! Not at all. No…he like, did something with his hands and waved them and then he like powered the bullet. He was like, the source behind it.”

“So…he was the gun?” Gerard questioned.

“No! He was not. He was in his…humanoid form, I suppose and he like, made the bullet fly with him and he just shot me.” Frank’s face became a little more disturbed.


I knooooooooooooooooooow, dearies. I know. I couldn't help myself. I think I need it profesional help...
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