Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Quiet, Now. They're Showing the Rapture!

And As it Was Written, the Douche Shall Pay

by nerds_assemble 0 reviews

A long time no see, huh? I wanted to write something funny so I settled for an attempt. Not sure if anyone remembers, but if you do! Reviews make me happy. Don't you want to make some strange kid h...

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way - Published: 2013-03-23 - 676 words


“Where’ve ya been, Toro? I’ve been waiting for almost an hour!”

“Sorry. Looks like more people watch the news than I thought.” Ray sits bitterly down at his desk. Ryan walks over to him.

“Look,” Ryan sighs deeply. “I know you didn’t do it.”

“Great skills, detective.” Ryan ignores Ray’s slightly off attitude and hands him a few papers in a manila folder.

“So why don’t you just look up on the case…and you tell me what you think…” Ryan walks away to go tell off some kids loitering in the hallway. Ray opens the folder and drops it on his desk. He reads the name over and over and over. Frank Iero…Frank Iero…

He feels completely sick. His stomach has its own mind as his legs rush to the dirty bathroom stalls.


“One apricot smoothie, please.” Gerard said rather pleasantly, for his kind, at least. The bored man behind the counter looked shocked.

“Huh? Really?” He asked excitedly.

“Yeah, and this douche right next to me will pay.”

“Oh, I don't care about the money!” The kid cried, smiling and jumping up to work the blender, pulling out four apricots that Frank assumed were bought right out of Eden. In its' first spring. You know, before Eve hoarded all the fruit and cheated on Adam with a snake. In other words, they're old, assfaces. He cringed as the man sliced to the center. “I never get to do this!” The man grinned, sincerely happy making smoothies. With moldy apricots. Frank searched his pockets half-heartedly for money.

“Wait,” Frank spoke. “Can you actually use money?”

Both Gerard and the kid looked at Frank like he was a flying penguin, penguin because he was short.

“Where'd you find this kid? Dallas?” the man laughed with Gerard, who was in the process of spitting out his alcohol swab. Frank grudgingly gave the man a five dollar bill. Man, they did not make the afterlife cheap.

“No, the bastard actually got me killed and then stalked me all the way to...” he looked around, taking in the smoky desert, the breeze that somehow made the air indifferent...the empty trash cans, the lack of litter...oh yeah, and the two sun blue sky. “...whatever this place is.” He smiled friendly at the man who was now pouring milk into the blender.

“Limbo, dude, limbo.” The man stated, calmly scared. Frank shuddered at the site of the entire place. The whole conversation was just spooky.

“Fucking hell, this blows.” Frank shouted and kicked at the dusty ground.

“Like your mom did to me last night?” Gerard said almost innocently, slurping at his apricot smoothie.

“You're a sick, sick man.” Gerard put a hand on his shoulder.

“I know, it nearly killed me.”

“God, what the hell are we supposed to do now?”

“Listen, Frank. I bathe in being called 'god' just as much as the average person----”


“---but true! Let me finish, geez! You're such a sour puss. Live a little, why don't you?”

“Impossible. We're dead.”

“No shit, dude!” Gerard gulps another pile of apricot slush. “You know what is impossible?”


No, bitch, the taste of this smoothie. It's like, like nothing I've ever put in my mouth.”


“And I've put a lot of things in my mouth, let me tell you.”

“...I don't know if I'm going to listen to you anymore.”

“There was this one time, during my anatomy classes, like, four years ago...”

“I can't hear you!”

“...and then the thing fucking shat on my hand!”


“...but Jenny swore that no one was watching...”


“ that's how I got my degree in medics!” Gerard slurped happily at the gross flaming flavor. Frank's brows notched together in confusion. He stared at the smiling man with great disbelief.

“Are you for real?”

“No, sweetheart, I'm fucking dead. I'm living it up; put a whole new spin on the title, oh, what do they call it...carcass?

"You're disgusting."

"Disgustingly awesome."


"I think so, yeah."
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