Maybe I should show him instead of trying to tell him
I was going to wait on this, but since you guys surprised me with the ratings, I present you a new chap. Enjoy, rate, review. =]
Chapter 6 - Because
I paced back and forth outside Mikey's window, waiting to hear some noise from inside. Mikey had promised to keep my secret. I didn't know why, but I was sure I felt something unnatural for him. I hated it. The way that one stupid loser kid could make me question everything I thought I knew about life. I grabbed my cigarettes from my pocket and fumbled to get the nicotine into my lungs. This calmed me slightly. I leaned against the side of the house and sunk to the ground. Finally I heard a door open and close from in the room and I scrambled to my feet. I listened carefully, making sure Mikey was alone. Then I thought about how creepy I would appear to any passerby; leaning my ear toward an open window. I laughed inwardly at the thought.
Mikey was alone, I had determined. I put my feet through the window and grabbed onto the frame, trying to swing inside.
"What the fuck!" I heard Mikey exclaim as I jumped down.
"I'm sorry," I started, realizing I'd said those words more times that day than I had in my whole life. "Thought you deserved an explanation." I looked Mikey up and down subtly, he still wasn't dressed. I unintentionally stared for a moment; he looked incredibly unimpressed, his full lips turned into a pout, his hazel eyes staring back expectantly from behind black square frames.
"Well?" Mikey snapped.
"I just..." I had no clue what I was doing. Maybe I should show him instead of trying to tell him like I would with a girl. Mikey would be able to appreciate how hard it was to talk about that kind of thing, he was a dude too. But, did I really want to kiss him? "Ugh, I don't fucking know how to do this!"
"Do. What?" Mikey demanded.
"Tell you... how I...feel, right now." I choked out. "Because I don't even fucking know,"
"Just say it..." Mikey said, taking a step forward, his tone much softer now. "Write it down, do sign language, something! Just tell me..." he urged.
I stared at my shoes. "I like you..." I mumbled, hopefully quiet enough that no one in the world would hear me. I didn't look up to gauge Mikey's reaction.
"What?" Mikey replied, disbelief clear in his tone, rather than the need for my statement to be repeated.
"I like you," I repeated anyway. I finally looked up, Mikey's eyebrows were raised and his mouth had fallen open. "But I'm not fucking queer."
"Oh of course not Frank, you're straight as nails." he said, laced with disdain.
"Well...can't I like both?" I asked, completely sincere, taking one step closer.
Mikey stepped forward too, "Of course." Now we were just inches apart, but neither moved. I was internally denying the fact that I wanted to kiss the boy standing in front of me. But, Mikey was much too shy to initiate anything of the sort...or so I thought. Mikey suddenly leaned forward and gave me a short kiss on the lips. His cheeks turned crimson and he pulled away, mumbling an apology.
That wasn't nearly enough to satiate me, I lunged forward, pressing my lips hastily on Mikey's. My hands entangled themselves in his hair. The boy seemed so caught off guard that he didn't kiss back at first, so I eased up slightly, trying to get Mikey to mimic the opening and closing motion of my mouth. He finally kissed back, snaking his arms around my back. I eased my tongue into his mouth, and he copied the movement.
I finally realized exactly it was that I was doing and jerked away suddenly, dropping my hands to my sides. Mikey looked scared shitless. I couldn't even imagine what my face looked like at that point. I consciously tried to regulate my breathing. "I can't..." I mumbled.
Mikey boldly reached out and grabbed my hand, "Why not?"
Because if anyone found out, I'd never live it down. Because if my father found out I'd be dead. Because it was totally abnormal and stupid. I could think of a million reasons, but couldn't say any of them as he stared at me with hopeful hazel eyes. "How can you even still like me after all the shit I did to you?" I said, deciding to change the subject.
He shrugged. "I guess...I guess I just always kept telling myself that you bugged me so much because you liked me. Like in grade three when the guys would pull the girl's pigtails because he liked her. " he laughed once , more to himself, "Then I'd always tell myself how stupid I was. Guess I was smarter than I thought, huh?" He smirked.
"Yeah..." I mumbled not knowing what to say.
"But Frank look...there's nothing wrong with liking boys." I winced as he said this. "Some people are straight, some are gay–"
I shook his hand off mine, "I'm not gay,"
"And some are bi," he finished, rolling his eyes.
"Mikey, I don't really know what I am right now," I said, turning away from him.
"That's okay, too." he replied, moving in front of me. "It's all okay. You're only sixteen. One day you'll figure it all out,"
I nodded slightly, in agreement. "Yeah...you're probably right." I looked up from my shoes, to Mikey's kind face, "You seem really sure of yourself...I never woulda guessed that about you,"
He smiled. "I'm not really, I just know what you're going through. It sucks."
I tucked my bottom lip into my mouth, and nodded. 'Sucked' couldn't even begin to describe. As I was trying to internally sort all of this out the overshadowing thought was how much I wanted to kiss him again. I looked over at the clock sitting on Mikey's nightstand. 9:45. "I'm starving." I mumbled.
"Me too, kinda." Mikey replied, "I'll go see what I can find," he spun around and walked toward the door, pulling it open. "Hey Gerard!" he said in an awkwardly loud voice. I panicked for a moment, then dropped to the floor, hidden by the bed.
"Hey Mikey, would it be alright with you if I went to Kat's tonight? Her Mom's outta town and she doesn't wanna be alone." I heard Gerard say. I stayed completely still.
I thought I heard Mikey breath a quiet sigh of relief. "Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"You bet, bro." The door closed.
I exhaled, only then realizing that I had been holding my breath. Mikey was nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "That was close." I mumbled.
He nodded, then held his index finger up to his lips, signaling me to be quiet. I heard a car engine start, rev and then begin to fade. We were alone.