"How are you going to help me?" He asked. "I'm beyond help..."
"No you're not baby." I replied. "I'm here as long as you need me."
"I did a stupid thing..." He mumbled. "This guy gave me some coke...and I just took some..." He started looking at his wrist. Blood was appearing through his white shirt. "And then I just wanted to end it....." My breathing got heavy and tears filled my eyes.
"Its ok," I breathed. "We're gonna fix you." He nodded but he didn't look entirely sure.
I told him to go to the bathroom and take of his shirt. He did as he was told and I cleaned up the drugs and flushed them away. We sat on the bathroom floor with towels pressed against his wrists. We were silent the entire time.
An hour later, I had found a first aid kit in the bathroom and bandaged up his wrist. I ran Gerard a hot bath and we were now sitting in silence. I was there to listen when he needed me to and to stop him from getting out of the bath to get a drink. I gave him water instead and I think he hated me for that.
"Remember when we were together," He began to say. "It was such a simple thing..."
"I know, but then it got complicated." I replied. He nodded.
"I was thinking, just after you left, after you broke up with Frank," He started crying. "I was thinking, how great it would have been if we had that kid. We could have been a proper family."
"Yeah?" I smiled for the first time that night.
"I hated Frank for doing that to you." He whispered. "Sometimes I still do..."
"Yeah, me too."
"I think I'm going to throw up." He muttered. He climbed out of the bath and I moved out of the way. I lifted the toilet lid for him and he vomitted violently. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his shoulders. I pulled his hair out of his face and tried not to throw up myself.
When he was done, I handed him his glass of water. He drank it all but then he threw up again. I got him some more water to keep him hydrated and that time he kept it down. I handed him a bathrobe and went to find him some clothes.
"Gerard why do all your clothes stink?!" I asked him. "Jesus."
"Because I don't wash them..." He replied. "I rarely shower too..."
"Ew." There was a light tap on the door and Mikey stepped in. "Ah, Mikey." I said.
"Is everything ok?" Mikey squeaked. I nodded.
"Could you do me a favour?" I asked him. He nodded. "Could you find some clothes for Gerard? Maybe a washing machine?" I packed up Gerard's clothes in a black bag and handed it to Mikey.
"Sure, I can do that." Mikey said. Ray and Frank came into the room too. Frank looked awkward and Ray just gave me a big hug. "oooh!" Mikey squealed. "Me too!" and he joined in on the hug.
Mikey then went to go do his job and then it got really awkward.
"So what have you been doing?" Ray asked me.
"I'll tell you all later, I promise." I told him. "Right now, Gerard's kinda fragile and there's still a lot of work to do."
"You know, we could have really important band stuff to talk about!" Frank spat. "I suppose YOU wouldn't understand that."
"Frank!" I yelled. "Would you just grow up, fuck off, and get a life before I fucking castrate you!" Ray shoved Frank out the door and closed it behind them. I turned to Gerard who looked kinda shocked.
"Nancy, you like hardly ever swear like that." He stuttered.
"Well, when you live a life like mine, you kinda snap from time to time." I replied. I sat down on his bed and he sat down next to me.
"What's been going on with you?" He asked.
"Its a long story..." I mumbled. "Basically, after I left New Jersey, I went straight to Britain, hoping to find Ian but I he was away. So, I started living in a crappy B&B, waitressing and stripping on the side."
"Yeah, I'm not proud of it." I replied. "I stopped after, I nearly got raped."
"You nearly got raped?!"
"Yeah, Ian saved me though and he started to take care of me. And he's been taking care of me ever since. I haven't quite been the same with you guys. And I hate to say it, but Frank too. You have no idea how much I've missed him." Tears filled my eyes. "Ian gave me a job working for his band, Lostprophets."
"Oh yeah, I've heard of them." He looked like he was going to start talking about something else but then he was distracted. He lifted up his sleeve, one of the bandages had come loose and he was bleeding heavily again.
"Shit!" I mumbled. I couldn't find another towel and we were all out of band aids so I took off my t-shirt and pressed it against his wrist.
"Nancy, your t-shirt." Gerard wept.
"Its ok. I've taken my clothes off in front of hundreds of guys. I'll be fine walking from here to Mikey's room to get another t-shirt." I told him. I wiped away a few tears that escaped his eyes. "Its ok." I reassured him again.
Two days later and we had left Japan. We went back to New Jersey and it turns out, Alyssa had moved into my old house, on Mikey's command to keep it in good shape. They had been helping her with bills and repairs if they were needed. But I didn't want to be there. I went with Gerard to his and Mikey's folk's house. Gerard insisted he didn't need me but I knew he did. I ended up having clear out bottles of vodka from his basement room.
We stayed up late at night, talking, playing video games. I'd get the odd text from the members of Lostprophets and even more from Ian. He worried about me. I woke up with my phone ringing after noon on a Friday. I didn't recognise the number but I answered it anyway.
"Hello?" I cleared my throat as I waited for a reply.
"Nancy?" Frank squeaked on the other end.
"What do you want?" I asked him in a "I'm not taking any shit" tone.
"I want to talk." He replied. I thought for a long time and I noticed that Gerard was awake next to me. I smiled at him and he smiled back. I got out of bed, straightning out a t-shirt that I stole from Ian. "What do you think?"
"Ok, I guess we could talk." I replied.
"Where are you staying?" He asked.
"I'm staying with Gerard at the moment." I replied.
"I'll pick you up in half an hour." And then hung up. I made a face at the phone and got back into the bed with Gerard.
"That was Frank, wasn't it?" He asked. I nodded.
"He wants to talk. Which is fair enough, I guess." I replied. I snuggled into Gerard and I felt him kiss my head. I kissed his bare chest and got out of bed again. I went upstairs to have a quick shower. I dressed in one of Gerard's t-shirts, I remember him having when we were younger and a skirt that I had packed with me. I shoved on a pair of slip-ons and brushed my hair. Frank rang the doorbell and I let Gerard answer it.
"I swear, if you say anything to upset her..." I heard Gerard threaten.
"Gerard, I don't think now is the time to be making threats. We're all a bit delicate now." I stood on my tip-toes, planted a kiss on his lips and left with Frank. I sent Mikey a quick text, telling him that I was leaving Gerard alone for a few hours so he better go over there, just in case. Frank and I got in his car and we sped down the road, actually passing Mikey on the way.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"My house." He replied. "Well, mom's house, but I'm in process of buying my own house at the moment. I'll show it to you later if you want."
"That'll be nice." I said. The radio started playing a Lostprophets song after announcing a show in New York. I reached over and turned up the volume a little.
After we arrived at Mrs Iero's house, Frank made me a cup of coffee, just the way I like it and we sat down at the kitchen table.
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked.
"I don't know." Frank replied. "I guess, maybe I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for my behaviour in recent days."
"Apology accepted." I told him. He smiled. "There's something I've been dying to know."
"What happened to Pencey Prep?" I asked.
"Oh, well, they asked me if I wanted to be in MCR and I said yes. Pencey Prep broke up." Frank explained. "What about you? What have you been doing?" I told him the same story I told Gerard.
"So you're like a kept woman now?" Frank asked. "I didn't ever expect that of you."
"Well, I'm Lostprophets' Personal assistant. I'm a bit like a slave but, they're my boys. I love them all to bits."
"Are you seeing anyone?" Frank asked. I looked at him sternly. "Come on. Someone was going to ask it!"
"No, I'm not." I replied. "I've tried going a few dates but, nothing ever stuck."
"Me either." Frank said. "No one compared to you." He whispered.
I stood up and headed for the door. I heard Frank stand up and come after me.
"Nancy wait." He said.
"Frank, don't think for one second that we could ever get back-" I was cut off by his lips connecting with mine. I pushed him off me and was so close to punching him. "You hurt me too much."
"I'm sorry." Frank whispered. I looked at his eyes, he was sorry but it wasn't enough. I was still in too much pain.
"I wish it were enough, Frank." I whispered back to him. I left his house after that and I didn't look back.