/another of my 'it's 4 am and i can't sleep...let's write a sad mcr oneshot' storys/ what does mikey do when he thinks his friends abandoned him?
it's kind of overdramatic but hey, it's a part of me
please R&R, but don't be mean, i need some reassurance right now:/
i'll improve my writing and blabla, like i said /4 am and itouch/
will check spelling later...
nope. not one. not one single letter or call did i recieve. and that in the whole last month! did they forget it? did the post man hide them? was somebody trying to make me feel like i'd been forgotten? or...did they just not care enough anymore...or did they care at all? did they even ever care? or was it all just a lie? all those years i've been lied to. but why didn't they tell me they hated me? was it all a plan? a sick joke? did they want to make fun of me?
i glumly walked back into the house, desperatly trying to ignore the continous mindfuck i was expieriencing. god why do i have to think so much? ...too much
naark my mind can't stop screaming a load of bullshit at me! they wouldn't do that to me! they were my friends!.....right?
ugh why am i so damn insecure?
i think..maybe i should just call them?
no i don't want to seem too clingy...like i couldn't be on my own for a time...that'd be bad!
and i guess they're all enjoying their lifes so far...without me...having friends around and just basically having fun...not like me...
and i didn't want to disrupt their social lifes just because i lacked said thing.
i didn't want to force myself onto them..maybe they'd get fed up of me.
or they already are? maybe that's why i havn't heard from them? they're sick of me...
my mind was blank...what had i done to deserve this? was i such a bad person?
why does everyone hate me?
maybe it'd be best if i'd just return their feelings and if that meant hate on them...then i'll just do that!
if they don't need me then i don't need them!
that's how simple it is!
and now. stop. thinking.
i scowled, inwardly cursing my invalid delusional mind which unfortunatly still wouldn't shut up.
it reminded me of two outraged gossiping grannies at tea time...and that can't be good.
sighing i closed the door behind me (yes in that whole time i just walked the distance of 10 meters from the mail box to the front door..sad i know).
i leaned up against the hard wooden door, slowly sliding down to the floor until my butt reached the cold surface of the charcoal (yes!) colored tiles.
i pulled my knees up to my chest and let my head fall into my hands.
i need a fucking life!
i was screaming at myself to stop, to do something about it. it was all so confusing!
i really needed to stop beating my self up about this! it wasn't my fault everyone hated me!
but it kind of had to be, right?
there had to be a reason.
there had to be something wrong with me!
someone once told me you could practically see the sadness radiating from me, surrounding me like a thick cloud that scared others away.
but how should i chance that if there wasn't anyone who accepted me?
when there wasn't anyone to make my day, even if only a bit, brighter?
someone to heal my tortuerd heart.
oh god. i'm fucking pitying myself again.
i didn't even realise i started crying but now the sobs were ratteling my body to the point the door started creeking and shaking.
was this my mental breakdown after all?
would they commit me to the asylum now?
i forgot they didn't care.
no one would
they wouldn't even notice i was dead for a long time.
i glumly accepted my fate and went to do what i really needed to do now.
two days later frank ray and gerard stand on mikeys front porch, wondering why the fuck their friend wouldn't open the door.
they had wanted to suprise him.
they all swore to not write or call him, which was extremly hard for them, but they did it.
they'd been so exited to suprise him like that, to see his face.
they got in through the back window, which was still opened and were met with the most horrible sight one could imagine.
there lay their friend and brother, dead, for days, as it seems, in a puddle of his own blood.
he had shot himself.
they found a note explaning this.
that's not how they planned their suprise.
End. it sucks, i know, but i posted it anyway^^ xx