Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco
I love you, but I have to do this. I'm sorry
3 ReviewsRydon. cause i never update, i decided to put a one shot up. this is a slightly edited version of my english assessment
Brendon’s POV
He was stood on the roof top. He stared down into the city. He took a deep breath. He prepared himself to jump. I ran and grabbed his hands and pulled him back. He turned around and I saw the look of recognition flash across his face, before I pulled him close and kissed him softly. He pulled back, and looked at the floor.
“Why, Ryan?” I whispered.
“Because, no one loves me. No one cares.” He whispered, “The world would be a better place without me. No one would miss me.”
I stared at him in disbelief for a minute.
“Why would you even say that Ryan? I love you!” I managed to gasp out. His eyes lit up for a second, before the look of hurt was back.
“Bren, you don’t need to lie to me. Don’t say things that aren’t true. Make this a whole lot easier. For both of us.” He whispered. I stared at him, and took a breath.
“George Ryan Ross III. I’m not lying. I love you with all my heart.” I choked out as tears filled both of our eyes, “I love you Ryan. So much.”
He looked away from me, and stared out at the sunset, over the city. He stared at the city, while I stared at him.
Why can’t he understand, I love him, and only him. He’s my whole fucking world. He’s my whole life. I love him so much.
I remembered the first time I told him I loved him. We were 17 years old, well I was 17, Ry was 18, sat in the tree house we built when we were 13. I remember we sat and talked. He said something and I and said “I love you so much Ryan” I didn’t mean to. It slipped out, but I’m glad I did tell him. He just laughed softly and said “finally.” Then leant over and kissed my cheek.
I guess that’s really when we first got together. Sat in the tree house, while the sun was setting, and the soft, summer breeze blowing through our hair. Kind of like we were now, except now, we were 24 and 25, and Ryan was about to take his life. With that thought I was brought back to reality.
“Ryan?” I said softly.
He turned back to me. Tears falling down his face.
“Brendon, please. Just leave. Please. For me.” He begged. I leant forward and kissed him, I put 12 years of passion into the kiss. When I pulled back
“I love you Ryan. “ I whispered softly into his ear.
“I love you too Brendon. But please go. I need to do this. I’m sorry.” Tears streamed down our faces.
I closed my eyes.
“Ryan, don’t leave me on my own. Please.” I begged him
“You won’t be alone baby. I will always be with you. In here,” he rested his hand on my chest over my heart, “and in here,” he pointed at my head “remember Bren. Remember me. You will never be alone. I promise you.” He kissed my forehead.
I fell to my knees as he walked to the edge of the roof.
RYAN!
He turned to look at me
NO!
“I’m sorry.”
RYAN!
He faced the city.
I jumped to my feet as he jumped off the roof.
“RYAN!” I ran to the edge, of the roof and looked down. I saw the one man I love falling. He was staring up at me. His beautiful eyes full of tears. I looked away before he hit the ground. I didn’t want to see that. But the image of the love of my life falling off a roof would stick with me for the rest of, my life.
He’s left me. He’s gone. I curled up in a ball, and cried.
The sky got gradually darker. But I still stayed curled in a ball, crying, on the rooftop. And that’s how Spencer found me. He called Jon and between them they got me home.
“What happened Bren?” Jon asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but just collapsed, and cried more. Spencer wrapped his arms around me in a friendly hug. I cried myself to sleep in Spencer’s arms.
3 weeks later
Normal POV
“I miss him Spence.” Brendon whispered
“I know you do. We all do. But you have to move on. ”
“I can’t.” Brendon sobbed.
“Yes you can.”
“How?”
“This is going to make me sound like a dick head, but, you need to pull you self together Brendon. Ryan wouldn’t have wanted you to be like this. He’d have wanted you to live your life.”
“How can I Spencer!? He was my life!! “Brendon jumped up and ran back home.
He ran into the bathroom and got the bottle of sleeping pills he’d been prescribed, a razor, and a glass of water.
When back in his bedroom, he dragged the razor across his wrist, and took the whole bottle of pills. As his eyelids got heavy, he grabbed Ryan’s pillow, and hugged it to his chest. It still smelled like Ryan. He breathed in his late lover’s scent.
“I’m coming baby, we’ll be together soon. I promise.”
Then his eyes shut for the last time.
He was stood on the roof top. He stared down into the city. He took a deep breath. He prepared himself to jump. I ran and grabbed his hands and pulled him back. He turned around and I saw the look of recognition flash across his face, before I pulled him close and kissed him softly. He pulled back, and looked at the floor.
“Why, Ryan?” I whispered.
“Because, no one loves me. No one cares.” He whispered, “The world would be a better place without me. No one would miss me.”
I stared at him in disbelief for a minute.
“Why would you even say that Ryan? I love you!” I managed to gasp out. His eyes lit up for a second, before the look of hurt was back.
“Bren, you don’t need to lie to me. Don’t say things that aren’t true. Make this a whole lot easier. For both of us.” He whispered. I stared at him, and took a breath.
“George Ryan Ross III. I’m not lying. I love you with all my heart.” I choked out as tears filled both of our eyes, “I love you Ryan. So much.”
He looked away from me, and stared out at the sunset, over the city. He stared at the city, while I stared at him.
Why can’t he understand, I love him, and only him. He’s my whole fucking world. He’s my whole life. I love him so much.
I remembered the first time I told him I loved him. We were 17 years old, well I was 17, Ry was 18, sat in the tree house we built when we were 13. I remember we sat and talked. He said something and I and said “I love you so much Ryan” I didn’t mean to. It slipped out, but I’m glad I did tell him. He just laughed softly and said “finally.” Then leant over and kissed my cheek.
I guess that’s really when we first got together. Sat in the tree house, while the sun was setting, and the soft, summer breeze blowing through our hair. Kind of like we were now, except now, we were 24 and 25, and Ryan was about to take his life. With that thought I was brought back to reality.
“Ryan?” I said softly.
He turned back to me. Tears falling down his face.
“Brendon, please. Just leave. Please. For me.” He begged. I leant forward and kissed him, I put 12 years of passion into the kiss. When I pulled back
“I love you Ryan. “ I whispered softly into his ear.
“I love you too Brendon. But please go. I need to do this. I’m sorry.” Tears streamed down our faces.
I closed my eyes.
“Ryan, don’t leave me on my own. Please.” I begged him
“You won’t be alone baby. I will always be with you. In here,” he rested his hand on my chest over my heart, “and in here,” he pointed at my head “remember Bren. Remember me. You will never be alone. I promise you.” He kissed my forehead.
I fell to my knees as he walked to the edge of the roof.
RYAN!
He turned to look at me
NO!
“I’m sorry.”
RYAN!
He faced the city.
I jumped to my feet as he jumped off the roof.
“RYAN!” I ran to the edge, of the roof and looked down. I saw the one man I love falling. He was staring up at me. His beautiful eyes full of tears. I looked away before he hit the ground. I didn’t want to see that. But the image of the love of my life falling off a roof would stick with me for the rest of, my life.
He’s left me. He’s gone. I curled up in a ball, and cried.
The sky got gradually darker. But I still stayed curled in a ball, crying, on the rooftop. And that’s how Spencer found me. He called Jon and between them they got me home.
“What happened Bren?” Jon asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but just collapsed, and cried more. Spencer wrapped his arms around me in a friendly hug. I cried myself to sleep in Spencer’s arms.
3 weeks later
Normal POV
“I miss him Spence.” Brendon whispered
“I know you do. We all do. But you have to move on. ”
“I can’t.” Brendon sobbed.
“Yes you can.”
“How?”
“This is going to make me sound like a dick head, but, you need to pull you self together Brendon. Ryan wouldn’t have wanted you to be like this. He’d have wanted you to live your life.”
“How can I Spencer!? He was my life!! “Brendon jumped up and ran back home.
He ran into the bathroom and got the bottle of sleeping pills he’d been prescribed, a razor, and a glass of water.
When back in his bedroom, he dragged the razor across his wrist, and took the whole bottle of pills. As his eyelids got heavy, he grabbed Ryan’s pillow, and hugged it to his chest. It still smelled like Ryan. He breathed in his late lover’s scent.
“I’m coming baby, we’ll be together soon. I promise.”
Then his eyes shut for the last time.
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