Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > By the beating of our hearts is how we live. *Frikey*
Chapter 9: Determination.
4 ReviewsMiss. Caines is on a mission.
Mikey wasn't one to lie.
He never had. Since he was young he had admitted, with spluttered tears, his wrong doings: the time he broke the lamp in the hall with his cuddly unicorn when he was five, the time he flushed his mum's thong down the toilet because it 'scared' him, the time he kept a stray cat as his pet in the garage and fed it the ham from the fridge daily.
But, today, he found himself unable to speak truth; he didn't want to speak the truth. It scared him, shook him to his core - it scared him more than his mum's thong!
He was in school the next week after furiously slamming the door on Frank's and Gerard's faces. And he hadn't spoken a word.
He didn't even write anymore.
Sure, it was unusual for mute people to write in the first place, but people's concern and worry just meant he was falling further into his abyss. And that meant he could end up like, dare he say it, Laken.
It seemed appealing, at first; the glint of the knife, shine of the pills, burn of the rope.. but it.. It wasn't Mikey. Mikey, despite having given up, didn't want to die.
But he didn't want to live, either.
He didn't know what he wanted. He supposed he just wanted to remain nonexistent - to be the man that never was. If he was a man. He wasn't exactly a boy, nor a man, he was just at that awkward stage in between where he wasn't really anything. But Mikey was used to it; he wasn't ever anything, all he was, was worthless. A shitty, pathetic excuse for a human being.
In fact, he didn't blame Frank and Gerard for not prying him again that week. He wouldn't of blamed anyone for giving up. After all, what was he worth?
Nothing.
Of course he wasn't! How hard was it to be worth something? Apparently very fucking hard! It frustrated Mikey in ways he couldn't comprehend, didn't even want to comprehend.
"Mikey?" nudged Crappy Caines. She was staring at him with the hopeful gleam her eyes had possessed ever since he first talked. But she also looked sullen, morose, like the happiness had been drained from her.
For the first time in years, Mikey felt kind of sorry for her; she looked like utter bullshit. But that didn't change what she had done.. But perhaps she was being eaten alive with guilt?
"Mikey, you're not writing." The woman nodded to the whiteboard Mikey wasn't even doodling on. He hadn't even picked it up. "Is anything wrong?"
Mikey simply glanced from her to his fingers, fiddling with the absentmindedly.
Was anything wrong? What a brilliant question. Of course you just turn mute for three years for a joke, don't you? Why wouldn't you? It'd be a laugh, right? Not having to answer questions in class or talk to people, being free and happy and-
No.
It was nothing like that. In fact, it was everything and anything far from it! Mikey was drowning in sorrow and he had no idea how to help himself. He was broken, wrecked, like an abandoned toy.
"Mikey? What's happened? Is it.." Her eyes widened. "It was Frank, wasn't it? Frank?"
Seeing the boy finch gave Miss. Caines some sort of determination. A determination she'd never felt before.
"I'll be back. You wait here, even if it cuts into break or lunch, or other lessons. Eat, drink, do anything in here. Just don't leave," she had said, and she left.
The door slammed after her and she frowned, strutting down the corridor and wrapping her duffle coat around herself, more than determined now. She was.. she needed to do it.
Like Frank needed to separate himself from Lucy after she, practically, helped Laken kill herself.
Lucy forgot the name for such an act, but she promised herself nothing like it would ever happen again. Not on her watch.
She was pleased, though she felt guilty to admit it, that Frank wasn't as perfect as he let on. He hurt Mikey, the boy Miss. Caines was.. was adamant to help after wrecking Laken's life and consequentially, her and her family's lives. It ruined her parents, ruined Frank. Truth was, she didn't know why she pushed Laken over the edge.
Was it jealousy? Was it hate? Annoyance? Depression?
She didn't know. She just couldn't believe that she had the audacity to do such a thing.
The counselor presumed that's why she got into this business; she wanted to save teenagers to avenge the fact she killed one.
And that would always live with her.
The constant, echoing painful guilt that swam inside her soul and heart, killing and murdering her slowly, though she talked and begged herself to come down from the ledge many years ago.
Literally.
She stood on the edge on a cliff, and told herself not to do it.
She despised herself to that extent.
But now she was over that, and she helped kids get over that, too.
And then she met Mikey, a character similar to Laken.
And she felt determined.
Yes, Miss. Caines was going to help Mikey Way.
And dammit, she was try till her last breath.
Hiya! Sorry it's taken me SO long to update, guys. But I hope you like it. I'm also sorry it's pretty short and boring, but the next chapter should be better. :3
-Amberxo
OH. And I've written a new story. I'd be SUPER appreciative if you checked it out: http://www.ficwad.com/story/181428
Thanks guys!
He never had. Since he was young he had admitted, with spluttered tears, his wrong doings: the time he broke the lamp in the hall with his cuddly unicorn when he was five, the time he flushed his mum's thong down the toilet because it 'scared' him, the time he kept a stray cat as his pet in the garage and fed it the ham from the fridge daily.
But, today, he found himself unable to speak truth; he didn't want to speak the truth. It scared him, shook him to his core - it scared him more than his mum's thong!
He was in school the next week after furiously slamming the door on Frank's and Gerard's faces. And he hadn't spoken a word.
He didn't even write anymore.
Sure, it was unusual for mute people to write in the first place, but people's concern and worry just meant he was falling further into his abyss. And that meant he could end up like, dare he say it, Laken.
It seemed appealing, at first; the glint of the knife, shine of the pills, burn of the rope.. but it.. It wasn't Mikey. Mikey, despite having given up, didn't want to die.
But he didn't want to live, either.
He didn't know what he wanted. He supposed he just wanted to remain nonexistent - to be the man that never was. If he was a man. He wasn't exactly a boy, nor a man, he was just at that awkward stage in between where he wasn't really anything. But Mikey was used to it; he wasn't ever anything, all he was, was worthless. A shitty, pathetic excuse for a human being.
In fact, he didn't blame Frank and Gerard for not prying him again that week. He wouldn't of blamed anyone for giving up. After all, what was he worth?
Nothing.
Of course he wasn't! How hard was it to be worth something? Apparently very fucking hard! It frustrated Mikey in ways he couldn't comprehend, didn't even want to comprehend.
"Mikey?" nudged Crappy Caines. She was staring at him with the hopeful gleam her eyes had possessed ever since he first talked. But she also looked sullen, morose, like the happiness had been drained from her.
For the first time in years, Mikey felt kind of sorry for her; she looked like utter bullshit. But that didn't change what she had done.. But perhaps she was being eaten alive with guilt?
"Mikey, you're not writing." The woman nodded to the whiteboard Mikey wasn't even doodling on. He hadn't even picked it up. "Is anything wrong?"
Mikey simply glanced from her to his fingers, fiddling with the absentmindedly.
Was anything wrong? What a brilliant question. Of course you just turn mute for three years for a joke, don't you? Why wouldn't you? It'd be a laugh, right? Not having to answer questions in class or talk to people, being free and happy and-
No.
It was nothing like that. In fact, it was everything and anything far from it! Mikey was drowning in sorrow and he had no idea how to help himself. He was broken, wrecked, like an abandoned toy.
"Mikey? What's happened? Is it.." Her eyes widened. "It was Frank, wasn't it? Frank?"
Seeing the boy finch gave Miss. Caines some sort of determination. A determination she'd never felt before.
"I'll be back. You wait here, even if it cuts into break or lunch, or other lessons. Eat, drink, do anything in here. Just don't leave," she had said, and she left.
The door slammed after her and she frowned, strutting down the corridor and wrapping her duffle coat around herself, more than determined now. She was.. she needed to do it.
Like Frank needed to separate himself from Lucy after she, practically, helped Laken kill herself.
Lucy forgot the name for such an act, but she promised herself nothing like it would ever happen again. Not on her watch.
She was pleased, though she felt guilty to admit it, that Frank wasn't as perfect as he let on. He hurt Mikey, the boy Miss. Caines was.. was adamant to help after wrecking Laken's life and consequentially, her and her family's lives. It ruined her parents, ruined Frank. Truth was, she didn't know why she pushed Laken over the edge.
Was it jealousy? Was it hate? Annoyance? Depression?
She didn't know. She just couldn't believe that she had the audacity to do such a thing.
The counselor presumed that's why she got into this business; she wanted to save teenagers to avenge the fact she killed one.
And that would always live with her.
The constant, echoing painful guilt that swam inside her soul and heart, killing and murdering her slowly, though she talked and begged herself to come down from the ledge many years ago.
Literally.
She stood on the edge on a cliff, and told herself not to do it.
She despised herself to that extent.
But now she was over that, and she helped kids get over that, too.
And then she met Mikey, a character similar to Laken.
And she felt determined.
Yes, Miss. Caines was going to help Mikey Way.
And dammit, she was try till her last breath.
Hiya! Sorry it's taken me SO long to update, guys. But I hope you like it. I'm also sorry it's pretty short and boring, but the next chapter should be better. :3
-Amberxo
OH. And I've written a new story. I'd be SUPER appreciative if you checked it out: http://www.ficwad.com/story/181428
Thanks guys!
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