Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance

The Bible Of Jude and Other Things

by BoomBoomJude 3 Reviews

Being Jude ain't so bad, he can't play basketball or show off his abs! YAY RHYMING

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Erotica,Humor,Romance - Characters: Frank Iero - Warnings: [V] [X] [R] - Published: 2012/02/09 - Updated: 2012/02/09 - 830 words

Warning: the warnings are shown there because everybody looks at stories rated with rape and sex and violence and stuff like that.

DON'T YOU LIE TO ME, IT'S TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT.

Something that may not make sense to you is the meaning of this story.

seriously

it's in the dictionary


The Bible Of Jude

Chapter One
 
Once, there was nothing but a vast space of eternal darkness.
 
 
 
Then.....There was Jude.
 
Jude saw that there was nothing, and he thought that he should make a something to fill the nothing.  He said 'LET THERE BE EARTH, GODDANGIT!'
 
And there was Earth.   Earth was a wonderful place, filled with food and nyan cats and even unicorns.  There were these miraculous forms called humans.  Humans invented FaceBook and pizza and even Barack Obama. 
 
Earth was in a solar-system.  The solar-system was very boring, and it caused many adults to lead very boring careers.  Many children died from the talk of the solar-system during science class. 
 
R.I.P Bob Andy Jr. ♥ You are in our hearts forever. /\(○v_v○)/\
 
Jude decided to become human so that he could experience the many pleasures of being human.  He created Facebook, and at one point became so absorbed into it that he was sucked into his Kingdoms Of Camelot app and had to kill a whole army with a mass quantity of butt-wipes who only cared about their spears looking shiny.

Jude was sure that they were all Irish people. Irish people are always drunk.

Thanks to these drunken Irish people, Jude has ended up exploding.


Jude explodes almost every hour, and sometimes, he even bursts into colorful flames.  He is like a firework at times.
 
He explodes during his depressed moments, during his frustration moments, and even during his happy moments.  There is an explosion for every occasion, even weddings.
 
He explodes in front of his mum usually, because she is an old, yellow, and disfigured carrot.  But Jude's mum knows that she really isn't an old, yellow, and disfigured carrot. 
 
 
She is secretly a putrid orange. 
 
She will not admit it, she is afraid that the POS (Putrid Orange Society) will no longer accept her.  Jude is doing his best to sort this out with the POM (Putrid Orange Master).  POM's name is Toodles.  Toodles hides in fridges sometimes. Jude sees a lot of himself in Toodles. 


Jude is treated like a king.  He calls himself Moses.   However, Moses had a long and white beard.  He must be our present day Santa.
 
Jude used to say that Santa lived in his ass, after he created a Santa Claus (of course!). Santa was Jude’s very best friend, and they usually harassed Santas wife until she made them cookies. While Jude stayed skinny, Santa became fat and overweight.
 
So speaking, if Jude calls himself Moses, and Moses is Santa and Santa lived in Jude's ass, Jude must have lived in his own ass at one point.
 
I wonder if it got crowded. I mean, Santa was fat and could’ve been considered obese, but nobody told him that because that’s not very nice.

Jude has actually written a song inspired by Santas fatness however. After looking through ancient documents, archeologists were shocked to find this following song;

Fat and alone
You’re out on your own
Nobody’s calling
On your telephone

Things aren’t getting any better
And you’ve stretched out all your sweaters
Things are getting any brighter
No never
No never

Fat and alone
You’re out on your own
King of blubber
Sitting on your throne

Things aren’t getting any better
Nothing’s getting any brighter
You’re not getting any lighter
Things aren’t getting any better
No never
No never
No never
No never
No never

You’re so fat
You’re so fat
You’re so…..
FAT!

Jude is afraid that if Santa ever is to find this song, he wouldn’t want to be Jude’s friend anymore. Jude keeps it hidden in his drawer under all his tighty-whities to prevent this.


Jude’s carrot of a mother makes him wear underwear with his name and days of the week sewn onto them. Sometimes, he wears the Monday ones on Tuesday because it makes him feel like a rebel.



Some years after this, Jude found a website called FicWad. FicWad is a very nice place, it has violent smut stories and such on it. Jude wanted to read some of these stories because he liked smut.

Smut is good.

Jude only read Frerard smut, though. All the other stuff is nasty to him. Brendon Urie is gross and so is Ryan Ross, he thinks. But Zacky V. and M. Shadows makes up for it, in a way.

Jude is now typing this bible. He hopes that everybody will not read it because it is embarrassing. But he posted it on here, so that doesn't really make any sense.

THE END
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