That I'd rather be drunk
On a cloud away from here
I don't wanna be sober, no not sober
About five…or ten…or I’m drunk I don’t fucking no how long it took…don’t care either. All I know is that Frank is in my room. I roll my eyes as he enters, stopping my giggling momentarily. .
"Mikey owes me fifty bucks..." I giggle finding that statement highly funny for some unknown reason.
"Gerard, we need to talk,” Frank says being all serious.
"Fuck, what now?" I scoff.
Frank doesn’t say anything, just stands here, hands in his pants pockets. Why is he here…he’s ruining my good mood. Like a vacuum or that funny thing from the Teletubbies. I begin to giggle again thinking about it.
"Yeah....." Mikey says, exiting my room. "I'm gonna...you know...go."
“Bro, talk to me," Frank pleads, removing his hands from his pockets, making it look like he’s praying, he looks funny; I try not to laugh. I think I’m supposed to be mad at him.
He walks over to my bed and sits down on the floor in front of me. I pick my feet up not wanting him to touch me…he might suck the happy, lightheaded feeling I have out of me. I don’t want it to go away.
"Gerard, look," Frank says, licking his lips, "I fucked up, okay? I'm sorry."
I look at Frank not really knowing what he is talking about. I want to have fun…to float again like a butterfly. I giggle at this too. Everything is funny right now and I don’t even know why. I just know I like it.
"Look, what else am I supposed to say?" Frank questions. "I can't take it back, okay? I wish I could..."
I remember! We kissed…on the lips like I’ve seen Mikey and Amber do. Why is he apologizing. It wasn’t too bad. I quickly get off the bed, putting my face very close to Frank’s, moving his bangs behind his ear but to my disappointment they slide back in place. Humph, I want them behind his ear.
"Don't say that..." I say, talking to Frank’s hair, smiling at him. I lick my top lip, feeling his lips on mine. "It was...nice..."
"I know, but still..." Frank says. He’s trying to change to topic. I don’t wanna change to topic. "I attacked you. Scared the shit out of you, probably...."
I nod, if he wants me to be upset about it I will be. I didn’t think it was too bad.
"No shit," I whisper, gently, not moving my face away from his. I want it, I don’t want it, I want it, I don’t want it, I want it…I watch the petals fall off the flower in my head, smiling a little. The last petal has fallen. I take Frank’s face in my hands and try to kiss him but he doesn’t let me.
Stupid party pooper; I just wanna have fun. Why isn’t he letting me have fun?
"Shit, Gerard you're drunk, aren't you?" Frank asks, standing up.
I shake my head, running my fingers through my hair. I can’t be drunk, “Pff, naw, I'm not, I swear! Mikey would kill me if he saw me like this!"
Mikey…hehe, he owes me money. Oh, Mikey. I glance over at the door hoping he hasn’t seen any of this. He’s not there…good.
"Mikey was just here..." Frank states.
No way. I look around for my little brother but can’t see him…I bet he’s playing hide and seek. “What?”
He can’t be here if I can’t see him.
"Yeah, like two minutes ago. Do you seriously not remember him being in here?"
I wish Frank would stop talking…he’s a confusing talker and I don’t know what’s going on. I wanna jump on my bed.
"Mikey was..." Frank sighs. What’s his problem?
"You know what, fuck this. You're drunk, I'm still upset, and I can't do this right now. Get your shit together, Gerard, then we'll talk."
Frank begins to walk out of my room. I try to get up but end up falling flat on my face. This sends me into another fit of giggles…not more merry – go – round for Gerard.
"Ouchy..."I giggle, "Wait...Don't go, Frank...please...."
I try and stand up by just manage to fall on my ass. This is annoying. Why is the gravity so potent in my room right now? I don’t like gravity…I want to float. Eventually Frank helps me up, leaning me against the bed.
"Hehe, hehe...I fell on my face right there...did you see that, Frank?"
He’s not laughing…why isn’t he laughing. I’m the funniest person in the world. Why isn’t he fucking laughing.
"Gerard, listen to me," Frank shakes me as he speaks; this makes me dizzy. "Sober up, then we'll talk, okay?"
I shake my head laughing at him, “But I am sober, Frankie!"
I push his hands away from me, heading towards my desk trying to prove it to him. Something trips me, pulling me back towards the ground. I really do not like gravity. Instead of being angry I roll around, giggling, probably appearing like a mad man but I don’t care…I’m having fun.
"That was an accident..." I state, reaching up, touching Frank’s nose with my finger…giggling. "I swear I'm sober, Frank...."
Frank shakes his head, my finger sliding from his nose.
"No, Gerard, you aren't. I'm here to help you get sober, okay?" Frank explains, guiding me back to my bed, sitting me down; back leaning against the wall.
I’m not really sure why but I continue to giggle, leaning my head on Frank’s shoulder as a sort of blackness envelopes me. I don’t understand. I’m too young to die. What am I supposed to do now. Before I can answer this question my brain turns off.