Meaningful conversations, squealing and fangirling, and a proper look into the problems...
Title from Escape the Fate... 'Cause dey ish AWESHUM!
Chapter 17- You Are So Beautiful
Oh my god. Frank Iero is my boyfriend. Me- Gerard Way, ugly, fat emo kid. I'm so happy right now, I don't care about anything else but Frank and I. Frank. He makes me feel so safe, so loved. Whenever I'm with him I feel like I'm actually worth something and I'm not just a piece of shit. He's helped me in so many ways, and what have I done for him? Nothing.
"Frank, why do you like me?" He looks up from our entwined fingers to give me a puzzled look.
"What do you mean 'why do I like you?' What's not to like? You're an amazing person, kind, unique, interesting, everything. You're perfect." Frank smiles at me.
"Do you mean that?" He kisses my forehead gently and looks me in the eyes.
"Of course I mean that. You. Are. Perfect." His fingers brush a strand of hair out of my eyes. "You'd better start believing me, because I'm going to keep on saying it."
"Nobody's perfect, Frank" I say pointedly.
"I beg to differ." God, he's stubborn.
"So, you're saying there's nothing you would change about me?" I ask increduously.
"Well..... Only one thing." He says hesitantly.
"What is it?"
"You have no confidence whatsoever. If I could change one thing about you, I would make you more confident, make you see how beautiful you truly are. You aren't fat, you aren't ugly. You're overly skinny and the most gorgeous person I've ever laid eyes on."
I don't know how to respond to that so I just look at him blankly. I know what he's saying is right, I have no confidence. "Well, I don't know how I'd go about changing that..."
"Which is why I'm here to help. I'm going to help you feel good about yourself if it's the last thing I do." He kisses me softly. I don't think I'll ever have enough of those kisses, they just clear my mind of everything that isn't Frank.
We're interrupted by my brother shouting his mouth off. "FRANK!!!! WHERE'D YA GO?!" Frank rolls his eyes at me, kisses me quickly and gets off the bed, walking towards the door.
"I'm down here, you bastard!"
"HEY! I resent that, I am a very nice person actually!"
Frank opens the door, only to be met by Mikey. "Dude, chill out I was kidding. Now what do you want?"
"You disappeared, we were wondering where you went. We thought you'd been murdered or something."
"Really, Mikey? Murdered? How could someone murder me in your house while you guys were in the room?"
"Oh, shut up... It's possible you know." He lowers his voice, intending for me not to hear but I can just catch his whispers. "Is Gerard okay? I didn't mean to upset him that badly..." Frank... don't say anything.... Don't you dare say anything...
"Yeah, he's fine now." Thankyou, Lucifer!!!
"Oh... Good. You coming back up?"
"Yeah, I'll be right there."
"Ask Gerard if he's coming up too?"
"Will do buddy. See you in a minute." He shuts the door and prances down the stairs, jumping the last three steps and landing gracefully at the bottom.
"You coming up?" I bite my lip, debating what to do.
Instead of answering his question, I voice a thought that's been playing on my mind. "Frank, what are we going to tell Mikey?"
His eyes widen in realization. "Oh, shit I have no clue. He'll be cool with it.... right?"
"I think so... I don't know, it's not as if he really cares anymore." I sigh, shrugging my shoulders.
"Don't you say that, Mikey would do anything for you. You should hear the way he talks about you. He loves you, Gee." I scoff in distaste.
"Yeah, so much that he didn't tell his friends he even had a brother. Like I'm that much of an embarrassment." I don't care if I sound like a brat right now, Mikey really hurt me.
"I tell you what I think..... You need to talk to him, sort this whole thing out."
"And by doing so, you also want me to let slip the fact that we're dating?" I chuckle. That sounds so good, 'we're dating.' Frankie beams at me.
"Maybe... He won't hit you."
"He wouldn't hit you! And even if he did, it wouldn't hurt in the slightest. Seriously, he's soft as shit."
"Oh, whatever, let's just go. They're probably waiting." He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the stairs. Before opening the door, he stops, causing me to bump into him. He turns around on the spot, and even though he's one step above me I'm still able to look him directly in the eyes. His eyes are so pretty, glistening in the low light of the basement. Frank interrupts my daze by kissing me on the lips. After we break apart, he smiles at me and says. "You're so beautiful." Then he bounces out the door, leaving me standing there, cheeks tinged pink.
When I reach the kitchen, I'm greeted by the same faces as before. Mikey hands me a coffee and gives me a sheepish smile. I return it, too happy with Frank to be annoyed. I look around to Becky, who is beaming at me. Alicia smiles at me, but it seems kind of awkward. I suddenly feel very embarrassed about my actions before...
"I'm really sorry about before, guys. I don't know why I acted like that." I don't look them in the eye as I speak into the silence.
Mikey answers before anyone else has the chance to. "Don't worry about it Gee. Actually, can I talk to you for a sec?" I nod, gulping down large amounts of my coffee. I catch Frank's eye, who smiles encouragingly at me before following Mikey into the hallway.
"I'm so sorry, Gee. I don't know why I didn't tell them you were my brother, I really don't! I'm not ashamed of you, I could never be ashamed of you. You're an amazing brother, you always have been and people should know that!" He says in one breath. I don't know what to say, so I stay silent, utterly baffled by his apology.
"Please forgive me, Gee. I'm so so sorry, you have no idea."
"Mikey! Chill out, dude, you have no need to apologize. I'm the one who's in the wrong. I know that I'm not always easy to have around and I cause you and Mom a lot of hassle, but I want you to know that I love you. I don't say it enough, but it's true. I'm sorry for being so irritating and stuff, but I just want you to know that." My voice is weirdly strong, and I feel a sudden burst of confidence in what I'm saying. Mikey just looks at me, eyes shining.
The next thing I know I'm being attacked by a 5ft 9 mixture of arms, legs and straight hair. He's hugging me pretty tightly, and for a moment I just stand there. I hesitantly put my hands on his back, returning the hug and smiling at how comfortable it is. "Gerard, I love you too. Batman and Robin."
I smile at the childhood memory. People always used to refer to Mikey and I as Batman and Robin, because we did everything together. It was weird though, because although I'm the oldest, I actually preferred Robin, while Mikey favoured Batman... We were weird, I know.
After another minute or so, Mikey releases me from his vice like grip, still grinning from ear to ear. It's nice to see him so happy, and I plan to keep it that way.
"And Mikey? Just so you know, I'm going to try and get better. With the whole... eating thing." His smile widens, threatening to split his features in half.
"That's awesome, Gee! I'm really proud of you!" We smile at each other, this is the closest we've been in years.
"So.... What did you and Frank talk about?" Mikey asks nonchalantly. I can feel the heat returning to my cheeks and I hide behind my hair.
"Nothing much, just random things, you know?" He arches an eyebrow suspisciously.
"Oh, really? If it was just random things then why are you the colour of a tomato?" He giggles like a little schoolgirl. "Do you like him, Gee?"
"How do you even know I'm gay?" He stops giggling.
"I don't know actually, I always just assumed..." Mikey shrugs.
"Oh... That's... Cool?" Is it really that obvious?
"So it's true? You're gay?" I nod, which makes him squeal again.
"Jesus, Mikey you're like a teenage fangirl or something!" Mikey composes himself, his pokerface returning to it's rightful place.
"Sorry, it's just kinda awesome. So, you like Frank then?" I bite my lip.
"Yeah, about that..."
Mikey moves forward slightly, eager to know my answer. "What? Tell me, it's killing me!"
"... We're dating."
As soon as the two brothers leave the room, Becky turns on me. "Since when have you two been dating?" Alicia is now by her side, and they have me cornered.
"What the fuck? How can you tell?" Seriously, girls are like mind readers or something. Becky scoffs.
"Oh, please, you came out of his room with the goofiest smile on your face. You've got it bad for him."
"And Gerard had the exact same smile on his face. It's not hard to put two and two together. So how long?" Alicia adds enthusiastically, clearly loving every moment of this.
"Like literally an hour ago. What kind of sorcery is this?!" I'm actually kind of scared at how they knew.
The two girls laugh at me. "Girls know this kind of stuff. Plus you're terrible at hiding things." Alicia smirks.
"And people wonder why I'm gay, it's so I don't have to deal with this!" I say jokingly, gently shoving Becky on the shoulder.
"Oh, my god! This is actually so adorable! You guys are so cute together!" Alicia squeals, flailing about.
"Wait a second, you've only just met Gerard... How did you know he's gay?"
"Honey, come on. He practically screams gay. Girls have excellent gaydars, I knew from the moment he spoke."
"Oh, right... Well, I don't think Mikey knows so keep quiet, okay? I have a feeling Gerard might be telling him now, but I'm not sure."
Just then, we hear an extremely loud, high pitched squeal of joy coming from the hallway. Alicia looks confused.
"Does Mikey have a little sister he's been hiding aswell?" Becky and I burst into fits of giggles. She pats Alicia on the shoulder.
"Oh, my dear child. I do believe that's your boyfriend." Alicia's eyes widen, and she too joins in our giggles.
In the hallway, we hear a bang, more squealing and what sounds like Gerard shouting "Mikey, wait a second! Don't-" He's too late, Mikey's already at the doorway.
My giggling comes to an abrupt halt as I see Mikey running towards me, and I brace myself for whatever crazy thing he's got planned. I get the wind knocked out of me as he crashes into my tiny body, lifting me off my feet and spinning me around! "Oh my fucking unicorn!!!! This is amazing!" He drops me, and I see Gerard leaning against the door frame shaking his head lightly. I'm overwhelmed by dizziness which causes me to fall flat on my ass.
"Mikey! Look what you've done now!" Gerard scolds as he walks over to help pull me up. The unicorn loving moron stops jumping about with the girls and looks at me on the floor.
"Sorry dude, it's just so awesome! My brother and my best friend!" He's literally like a little girl.
"Really? You don't mind that? Most normal people would hate it!" I say, surprised
"Ah, well you see the key word there is normal. Now, I think everyone in this room knows that I do not fit into that category."
"Ain't that the truth" Alicia chuckles from behind Mikey, who turns around and picks her up, spinning her around as he did to me.
"You know you love me, honey." He kisses her and puts her back down on the floor.
"For some unknown reason, that's true." Alicia giggles and pushes Mikey away.
"Anyway, back to the major point here." He turns to look at Gerard and I, who immediately stand up straight and pull our best pokerfaces. "You two are dating!"
"Yes, Mikey. That's what I just told you out there." Gerard says, as if his brother is completely retarded.
"Why are you so damn happy about your brother getting a boyfriend, anyways?" I question.
"Well, it's not so much that I'm excited he's got a boyfriend, it's more the fact that it's you. You're good for him, and you make a really cute couple." Gerard and I glance at each other, a smile on both our lips. I mouth the words 'You're so beautiful.' to him, which makes him blush brighter than a stop light.
Mikey spots the exchange, and yet again lets out an ear piercing squeal "Oh my god, that's adorable! I'm not even grossed out by the mushiness." I roll my eyes.
Alicia feigns a shocked gasp. "Oh my god, I fell in love with a gay guy!" Mikey just flips her off without even turning around.
"Fuck you. Anyway, as I was saying, I think you're going to be able to make Gerard happy again so that's why I'm happy."
"I am happy!" We all look at him incredulously. "... Okay, well I'm better than I was before. Whatever, you're right. Come on, Frank." He blushes and takes my hand gently.
"Buh buh buh, not so fast Iero." I'm stopped by Mikey pulling on my hood, bringing me back to face him. He leans in to my ear and whispers. "Just so you know... If you hurt him in any way, ANY way at all... I will personally castrate you and shove a unicorn horn up your ass." He moves away and returns to normal volume. "Kay?" He grins.
I can't help but laugh. "Sure, Mikey of course you will."
"I mean it, short stuff!"
"I know you do, you crazy bastard. And I would never do that anyway." I smile at the three people in the room before going to Gerard, kissing his cheek and walking out of the room. Of course, this is followed by a chorus of "AWWW"s.
Gerard and I have been sitting on his bed listening to the Smashing Pumpkins for about an hour now. It's a comfortable silence, we don't feel the need to fill every second with meaningless conversation. Gerard is just resting his head on my shoulder and we're just relaxing. I occasionally throw in the odd kiss to catch him off guard, but that's it.
After ten more minutes of silence, I finally voice a thought that's been playing on my mind since this morning.
"Gerard, can I ask you something? Feel free to say no." He sits up and looks back at me nervously.
"Come on, I'm serious!" I groan, smiling slightly at his response.
"... Go on, then."
"Now, I don't know what I saw this morning or in the bathroom," I shudder at the thought of him in so much pain. "And I know this might be hard for you to do..."
"I can already guess where this is going." He sighs, putting his head in his hands.
"Gerard, could take your jacket off?" His eyes flicker to mine for a split second before moving back to his feet.
"...I don't think it's wise for me to do that... You'll probably think I'm some sort of freak." He buries his head under his arm, muffling his voice.
"Gerard look at me." He doesn't, so I scoot over to him and lift his chin up. "What have I told you? You're perfect, this will not make me think any different of you. That's a promise." I peck him on the lips, savouring the softness and warmth of them.
"Frank, think about this. I'm not sure you're going to like it." He's visibly nervous now, biting his lip.
"Well, of course I'm not going to love it. I just think it would be good for you to finally show somebody. Get things off your chest, you know?"
He takes a deep breath, steadying his breathing, which has sped up slightly. "I guess you're right." He stands up and moves closer to the other side of the room. He sighs and closes his eyes, un-zipping the jacket and sliding it off his arms. He winces every so often and I guess he must have hit an open wound. The thought of him having so many recent marks saddens me, I could have been there to help.
The jacket hits the floor and my mouth drops open. I try to stop it, but I just can't.... So many.
His pale forearms are a mess of bandages and blood. The blood has seeped through some of the bandages, staining them a deep crimson colour. The parts of flesh that aren't covered with bandages are covered in deep lacerations. Lots of them. And when I say lots, I mean like at least a hundred on each arm. Some of them are a lot paler and more faded than others, but they're still prominent enough for me to notice them. I slowly push myself off the bed, my legs swaying underneath me. It's a few seconds before I bring myself to walk over to Gerard, and when I reach him I run my index fingers slowly up each arm before enveloping him in a hug.
"Gee..." I sigh, swallowing the lump in my throat. I try and stay composed on the outside, but on the inside I'm freaking out. How?! How can someone do that to themselves, it looks so painful.
"I know, I'm a freak right?" He sniffs, pulling away from the embrace and moving to put his jacket back on. I stop him before he has a chance.
"NO! I still stand by what I said, this doesn't change a thing. You'll always be perfect."
"Like I said before, nobody's perfect, especially not me. I've spent so many years trying to be, and it's caused all of this. Please don't call me it when I know it's not true." He says, ignoring me.
"Gerard, you are perfect. In my eyes anyway. So, you have a problem, but it's a part of who you are. And besides, I'm here to help now. Don't go thinking you'll be doing that around me." He just glares at me, half joking, half serious.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can I put my jacket back on now?" I shake my head.
"No. There's blood everywhere. I'm gonna clean you up first, so they don't get infected."
"Frank, I can do it myself. Believe me, I've had practice. I just had to rush, because you interrupted." I shake my head and wave my hands, signalling for him to stop.
"Gerard, please. Don't talk like that. I know you've probably done it before, but I don't want to think about it, okay? All I care about is helping you get better." I hook my hand under his armpit and start dragging him to the bathroom. "Come on, Gee-gee."
I sit him down on the side of the bathtub, kneeling down in front of him (No, not like that, you sick minded fuckers). I remove the bandages and nearly pass out. I never realized before, but it appears I'm blood-phobic, or whatever. Gerard notices and a nervous chuckle escapes his mouth.
"Squeamish?" I shake my head and continue removing the bandages, feeling sick when I see the blood still oozing from the cuts. I'm still trying to keep my composure for him, but it's getting harder and harder as I begin to get dizzy. Gerard puts an arm out to steady me when I sway to the side. "Whoa, there Frank. You okay? Want me to do it?"
"Just give me a... minute." I say, blinking like an idiot. I slump down on my ass and just sit there as Gerard begins to work on cleaning himself up. He really has had a lot of practice by the looks of things. Everything he does is done with such a casual manner, it's crazy. He goes under the sink and takes out a first aid kit, removing clean bandages and some other shit. He washes the blood away before wrapping the fresh bandages around the cuts, tying it tightly with such ease. It shocks me to see him work that fast.
"H-How?" He shrugs and blushes slightly.
"Like I said, I've had a lot of practice." The thought saddens me, and I go to stand up, but fail massively as I fall against the wall. Gerard steadies me and leads me out into the bedroom once more, sitting me on the bed.
"Frank, are you okay?" I silently give him a thumbs up.
"M'Good..." I slur. "I don't know why I'm acting like this, blood has never affected me so badly before."
"I'm sorry..." He bites his lip, which makes him look so adorable.
"Don't be sorry, it's not a problem. In fact you've helped me realize something."
"That I could never be a doctor. I'd pass out all over the patients." I laugh, sitting up straight.
"Like you'd be patient enough to be a doctor anyway." I smirk at him.
"Oh, hell no you did not! I resent that, babygirl!" I try my best preppy girl voice, which makes him giggle.
"You're so weird."
"Speak for yourself." I laugh.
"And Frank?" I nod, waiting. "Never call me babygirl again. Like, ever." We both laugh.
I move my hand to my face, intending to brush my hair out of my eyes but I freeze. "Ew! I got blood on my hand!"
"Again, sorry. Go clean it off in the bathroom or something."
"Again, I say don't worry about it, I'm just being a noob. It kinda makes me look like I've murdered someone... Maybe I'll leave it there."
"Um.. You do realize that's my blood, yeah? It also makes you sound like the biggest creep ever. Plus, remember Mikey's upstairs, how would you explain it?"
"What, you didn't tell him? I thought you did out in the hall?" He ducks behind his hair.
"No... I don't know what to say to him. Plus I couldn't get a decent sentence out of him after I told him about us." He mumbles through chewing his fingernails.
"Nevermind... Although he does need to know." I move forward suddenly and brush his hair out of his face. "And stop covering your face! I like it, and I wanna see it!"
"Alright, sorry Mom."
"Ew, don't call me that. It makes what I'm about to do seem really creepy." I wrinkle my nose in distaste.
"Oh, and what's that?" He smirks, feigning ignorance.
"I think you know."
I lean forward even more and push our lips together, moaning softly at the contact I've been longing for. Gerard responds immediately, moving his lips in sync against my own. I stick my tongue out slightly, licking his bottom lip and asking for entry. He hesitates for a second but opens his mouth, allowing me to push my tongue in. God, he tastes amazing, the same mixture of coffee and mint as before, I don't think I'll ever get sick of that taste. The kiss begins to get more passionate and I move back so I'm leaning against the wall. Gerard is running his hands through my short hair as we mash our lips together sloppily, both of us releasing low moans. We carry on like that for another five minutes or so, before Gerard pulls away causing me to whimper. We just sit there staring at each other as we try to catch our breath.
"That... Was awesome." I say between deep breaths, laying down on the bed.
"I must say, I agree." Gerard says with a smile.
We just lay there on the bed- again -and don't say a word. In fact, I'm just about to drift off to sleep when I hear Gerard speak.
"I just wanted to say... Thanks. For earlier at school. For punching Ronnie, saying all those nice things about me and helping me in general. No-one has ever done anything so nice before... Thank you."
"Gerard, as I've said before, it's no problem. My main goal in life since I met you was to make you smile. And if that means punching the scariest guy in school, then so be it. Who cares if he beats me up, I just don't want them touching my Gee Gee." He turns around in my arms to give me a kiss, looking at me with a grateful smile.
"And I think it's only fair of me to make things easier for you. So I'm going to try and start eating more. I'm going to try and stop.. you know." He gestures to his arms.
"I appreciate you trying to make things easier for me, but this is about you and making you feel better, not me. So let's just take it one step at a time, okay? I know it's going to be hard for you."
"Okay." Gerard closes his eyes and leans against me.
"Oh, and Gerard?" He turns around once more, eyebrow arched.
"You're perfect." He just looks at me sleepily.
"Nobody's Perfect, Frank."
.... Except the MCR guys....
How was it? Too sappy? Not sappy enough? I'm so sorry nothing happened, but all will change in the not so far future... Because as I said before, BECKY HAD A BRAINWAVE!!! I'm extremely pleased with myself for it, and I hope you like what's coming your way.
R&R for Danny Worsnop... Or Ben Bruce... Or... BRUSNOP!!!! Fuck yah!