Clues' in the title... And the last thing I'll post on this website.
I'll take you back to around August 2011,
Year 9 was just about to start and I was starting to feel the pressure already. You see, I'm a 'smart' girl. My parents have such high-hopes for me cause I have the ability to do better than my older brothers.
All this pressure was beginning to build up, I was beginning to feel like a failure already so it didn't help when my friends and family all took it in turn to tell me how it 'wouldn't hurt' to lose some weight.
I already hated how I looked, I have huge gaps in my teeth, I have a lisp, I have a huge scar down my nose and one on my chest, my legs are huge... but I didn't need people confirming what I already knew. I looked in the mirror everyday, I was quite aware of how I look.
My friends are all size 8 or below, so I always felt huge when I was with them. It got to the point where I couldn't eat if someone was there with me.
About half-way through September 2011, I began to self-harm.
It went on that I would be the happy person that I 'normally' am at school, I'd listen to JLS and fan-girl over One Direction with my friends. Then I'd go home, lock myself in my room and drag a pair of scissors over my arm.
This went on until about Mid-October which is when I started going out with someone who for now I'll call Jack. Jack was perfect, the only problem was, was he lives 3 hours away from me and he is 17, I was 13 almost 14.
He would text me every morning whilst he was on his way to college and I was on my way to school. Then two weeks later I did the most whore-ish thing, ever.
I was at my neighbours 18th birthday party. I was the only one there under 16, but I didn't really care, I was having fun and getting drunk. I had just celebrated my 14th birthday the week before, I had the most amazing boyfriend ever and I was on the top of the world.
Next thing I know is I'm left alone in a empty garage with one of my older-brother's mates, we'll call him Jimmy. Anyways, Jimmy is 19 years old and at this point in time VERY drunk. It's about 3 in the morning and all his mates had left us alone.
He walked over to the stereo and put on some music then walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I'm just a slag really. Next thing I know I'm playing tonsil tennis with this guy. It went on for about 10 minutes before I remembered about Jack. Then I kinda ran away to my Mum, who was down the garden smoking, and sat and cried to her about what I had done.
I cried all that night.
Next morning I rang Jack.
"Umm, hi.. I'm so sorry but I need to tell you something.."
"Sure, what's wrong?"
"Last night I was at a party, I was really drunk, and I kissed another lad. I'm so sorry!"
"Shh, it's okay, don't worry about it... really don't, alcohol makes us do things we wouldn't normally, I mean the other night I kissed a girl..."
Yep, that was a real low-point for me. The self-harm began again and it went on until February 2012. But it was around November 2011 when I first heard of MCR. I became obsessed with them, no jokes :L I always talked with other fans on twitter, then around January one of them asked me if I self-harmed.
That's when the truth started coming out. That person told me to tell someone, anyone. They told me to get help, they made me realise that I shouldn't have felt that way, I shouldn't have been punishing myself like that.
I told a friend, who told teachers who rang my parents. I sat and cried with my Mum for a whole day, I rang my doctor, and then I got help.
Now I'm a lot better and I'm beginning training to become a psychiatrist and help other people.
MCR didn't directly save my life, but without them I wouldn't have met that person who convinced me to tell someone, I wouldn't have gotten help and chances are, with the way I was feeling, I wouldn't be here today.
So thank you MCR for aiding me in finding someone who helped me see sense, you saved my life.
So, if you read ALL of that, then you pretty much know everything about me :') also, this will be my last post on the website. I won't come here any more, it's time for me to move on from this whole world of fan-fiction, I need to really concentrate on my school work. So thank you to everyone who has helped me and supported me throughout my time here, it's been amazing and you all are so talented and wonderful, I feel proud to have been a part of this community.