Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > The Lonely
Behind Those Eyes
3 ReviewsYou said, "I got something to say" And then you got that look in your eye "There is something you got to know"
“Axl, are you ok? You’ve been really… have I done something?” Startled, the singer glanced up, mobile slipping from his fingers as he stammered
“W…what?” DJ’s concerned face swam back into focus as Axl paid attention to his surroundings again “I’m fine babe, you haven’t done anything, there’s nothing wrong” the younger didn’t voice his disbelief, just frowned heavily and returned his gaze to the instrument in his lap. Axl watched him for a moment silently before looking back at his phone as it chirped pleasantly announcing an arrival of a message, the redhead sighed and picked the thing up before blinking in a double-take, he frowned surprise subsiding into panic as his ringtone started.
Stealing a glance at the younger he stood and walked out quickly, DJ watched him quietly from behind the hair hanging over his eyes, noting the panic and guilt interwoven on his singer’s features before the door swung shut behind him. “How the hell did you get my number?!” Axl hissed, hurrying out to the top of the garden, ignoring the nippy chill in the air
“Duff” Slash answered simply
“Delete it” he snapped, glancing back at the house worriedly
“Why would I do that?”
“Slash please” Axl murmured, leaning against the fence, feeling the damp cold start to seep through his jumper, the guitarist didn’t reply “Please, the other day was a mistake…”
“It proves you still want me” Slash interrupted fiercely “You still want me, why can’t you give me another chance?” Axl sighed; long fingers rubbing his temple, trying to ease the tension ache of a headache that he just knew was on its way.
“”Slash, I’ve already told you, I’m with DJ” he said softly, resignation slumping his posture and making him lean heavier against the fence panel “I don’t want to hurt him”
“And you won’t, what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him, come on baby” Axl remained silent “You enjoyed it whilst it was happening” Slash added slight hurt and jealousy in his voice.
“That’s just what the problem is, I’ll enjoy it whilst I’m there, whilst I’m with you but I have never cheated on anyone before Slash, I can’t do that to him. He’s completely out of his relationship comfort zone by being with me already and I can’t ruin what I’ve got with him” the singer said softly
“And what have you got with him that you and everyone else seems to think is so special? Fuck’s sake, what do you want Ax? Do you want the comfortable, safe relationship that is DJ? Or do you want the fiery passion that’s me? You’ll get bored with Ashba and you know you will”
“Stop!” Axl snapped “Slash just stop!” the guitarist remained silent, however there was a smug air clinging to his silence now, Axl could almost see the triumphant smirk on his face now he knew he’d touched a nerve with the singer “I love him, Slash. I don’t care what you think about our relationship, I love him, and I don’t want danger anymore I want love and passion with someone who thinks of me as an equal, not a toy”
“You’re just prolonging the unavoidable breakup, you’ll hurt him more in the end” Slash warned coldly
“No I’m not” Axl whispered, trying to block the guitarist’s voice out as a desperate voice in his head rang out ‘DJ loves me! He loves me! What does Slash know about being loved by anyone? Just look at what happened last time!’ “Delete my number” he ordered quietly “And don’t ring me again, go back to your wife and kids they’re the ones you love” with that the singer ended the call, cutting off whatever Slash’s reply was. He slumped against the panel heavily, casting his eyes up to the clouded sky, the tinkle of breaking glass woke him out of his worries and he hurried back to the house.
******
“It’s nothing to worry about, knocked the glass off the table” DJ supplied as Axl reappeared in the front room,
“Oh” he mumbled softly watching as DJ gathered up the pieces off the floor and placed them back on the table
“Who was that?”
“Slash” Axl answered honestly then stepped forward quickly in concern as DJ swore, having of sliced his finger open on shard of glass
“What did he want?” DJ asked quietly, attempting to mask the concern on his face as he ran his cut under the tap, Axl didn’t answer.
“D, I’ve gotta be honest with you” he glanced up from putting a plaster on and nodded, dread forming a cold hard knot in the pit of his stomach “I went to see Slash the other day” DJ nodded
“I’d guessed as much”
“I went over to tell him to leave you alone but…” he paused, struggling for words “We kissed… I’m not entirely sure how it happened but it happened” he finished softly raising his head to see DJ staring at him in shock, hurt clear in his blue eyes “DJ… I’m…” the guitarist held a hand up
“Don’t, don’t say you’re sorry” he snapped, finding it difficult to draw breath “Why?” he asked finally as he raised his head properly and faced Axl, the singer’s eyes were tortured as he answered softly
“I don’t know, it just happened, I wasn’t thinking straight” guilt and shame were battling to have prominence on Axl’s face as he faced his boyfriend “I’ve never done that to anyone before, there’s just something about Slash that made me”
“Nothing made you” DJ snapped harshly “You made that decision to cheat Axl, nothing made you” the singer looked away ashamedly “I think, I think we need to spend some time apart” DJ said firmly not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice
“D…”
“No, you need to figure out exactly who you want; I’m not being second best”
“You’re not second best” Axl whispered quietly, wanting to reach out and convince the guitarist to think differently
“I’m not being your second choice; you obviously still want Slash in some way and I won’t be your substitute”
“DJ…”
“Axl please, just go” DJ gasped desperately, feeling hot tears build in his eyes as the singer opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, biting his lip guiltily as he left the kitchen.
“I’ll see you in the studio” Axl murmured as they stood at the front door together, DJ ‘hmm’-ed unhappily. Throwing his thoughts away the singer pulled the younger to him, kissing him softly “I love you D, I’m so sorry” he said quietly before turning away and leaving. DJ watched him go silently, arms hugging himself; feeling like if he let go he’d fall apart.
His cheeks were wet with his own salty tears for the first time in decades as he shut the door, sliding down the oak he wrapped his arms around his knees and felt his heart fall apart.
“W…what?” DJ’s concerned face swam back into focus as Axl paid attention to his surroundings again “I’m fine babe, you haven’t done anything, there’s nothing wrong” the younger didn’t voice his disbelief, just frowned heavily and returned his gaze to the instrument in his lap. Axl watched him for a moment silently before looking back at his phone as it chirped pleasantly announcing an arrival of a message, the redhead sighed and picked the thing up before blinking in a double-take, he frowned surprise subsiding into panic as his ringtone started.
Stealing a glance at the younger he stood and walked out quickly, DJ watched him quietly from behind the hair hanging over his eyes, noting the panic and guilt interwoven on his singer’s features before the door swung shut behind him. “How the hell did you get my number?!” Axl hissed, hurrying out to the top of the garden, ignoring the nippy chill in the air
“Duff” Slash answered simply
“Delete it” he snapped, glancing back at the house worriedly
“Why would I do that?”
“Slash please” Axl murmured, leaning against the fence, feeling the damp cold start to seep through his jumper, the guitarist didn’t reply “Please, the other day was a mistake…”
“It proves you still want me” Slash interrupted fiercely “You still want me, why can’t you give me another chance?” Axl sighed; long fingers rubbing his temple, trying to ease the tension ache of a headache that he just knew was on its way.
“”Slash, I’ve already told you, I’m with DJ” he said softly, resignation slumping his posture and making him lean heavier against the fence panel “I don’t want to hurt him”
“And you won’t, what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him, come on baby” Axl remained silent “You enjoyed it whilst it was happening” Slash added slight hurt and jealousy in his voice.
“That’s just what the problem is, I’ll enjoy it whilst I’m there, whilst I’m with you but I have never cheated on anyone before Slash, I can’t do that to him. He’s completely out of his relationship comfort zone by being with me already and I can’t ruin what I’ve got with him” the singer said softly
“And what have you got with him that you and everyone else seems to think is so special? Fuck’s sake, what do you want Ax? Do you want the comfortable, safe relationship that is DJ? Or do you want the fiery passion that’s me? You’ll get bored with Ashba and you know you will”
“Stop!” Axl snapped “Slash just stop!” the guitarist remained silent, however there was a smug air clinging to his silence now, Axl could almost see the triumphant smirk on his face now he knew he’d touched a nerve with the singer “I love him, Slash. I don’t care what you think about our relationship, I love him, and I don’t want danger anymore I want love and passion with someone who thinks of me as an equal, not a toy”
“You’re just prolonging the unavoidable breakup, you’ll hurt him more in the end” Slash warned coldly
“No I’m not” Axl whispered, trying to block the guitarist’s voice out as a desperate voice in his head rang out ‘DJ loves me! He loves me! What does Slash know about being loved by anyone? Just look at what happened last time!’ “Delete my number” he ordered quietly “And don’t ring me again, go back to your wife and kids they’re the ones you love” with that the singer ended the call, cutting off whatever Slash’s reply was. He slumped against the panel heavily, casting his eyes up to the clouded sky, the tinkle of breaking glass woke him out of his worries and he hurried back to the house.
******
“It’s nothing to worry about, knocked the glass off the table” DJ supplied as Axl reappeared in the front room,
“Oh” he mumbled softly watching as DJ gathered up the pieces off the floor and placed them back on the table
“Who was that?”
“Slash” Axl answered honestly then stepped forward quickly in concern as DJ swore, having of sliced his finger open on shard of glass
“What did he want?” DJ asked quietly, attempting to mask the concern on his face as he ran his cut under the tap, Axl didn’t answer.
“D, I’ve gotta be honest with you” he glanced up from putting a plaster on and nodded, dread forming a cold hard knot in the pit of his stomach “I went to see Slash the other day” DJ nodded
“I’d guessed as much”
“I went over to tell him to leave you alone but…” he paused, struggling for words “We kissed… I’m not entirely sure how it happened but it happened” he finished softly raising his head to see DJ staring at him in shock, hurt clear in his blue eyes “DJ… I’m…” the guitarist held a hand up
“Don’t, don’t say you’re sorry” he snapped, finding it difficult to draw breath “Why?” he asked finally as he raised his head properly and faced Axl, the singer’s eyes were tortured as he answered softly
“I don’t know, it just happened, I wasn’t thinking straight” guilt and shame were battling to have prominence on Axl’s face as he faced his boyfriend “I’ve never done that to anyone before, there’s just something about Slash that made me”
“Nothing made you” DJ snapped harshly “You made that decision to cheat Axl, nothing made you” the singer looked away ashamedly “I think, I think we need to spend some time apart” DJ said firmly not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice
“D…”
“No, you need to figure out exactly who you want; I’m not being second best”
“You’re not second best” Axl whispered quietly, wanting to reach out and convince the guitarist to think differently
“I’m not being your second choice; you obviously still want Slash in some way and I won’t be your substitute”
“DJ…”
“Axl please, just go” DJ gasped desperately, feeling hot tears build in his eyes as the singer opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, biting his lip guiltily as he left the kitchen.
“I’ll see you in the studio” Axl murmured as they stood at the front door together, DJ ‘hmm’-ed unhappily. Throwing his thoughts away the singer pulled the younger to him, kissing him softly “I love you D, I’m so sorry” he said quietly before turning away and leaving. DJ watched him go silently, arms hugging himself; feeling like if he let go he’d fall apart.
His cheeks were wet with his own salty tears for the first time in decades as he shut the door, sliding down the oak he wrapped his arms around his knees and felt his heart fall apart.
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