Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > The Lonely
Burn
5 ReviewsThere's nothing left to fear now So watch me close Watch me burn to light right before your eyes
“Ax, you’ve done nothing but mope around for weeks! You either need to go and apologize to DJ or get out there and find someone new”
“I don’t want anyone new” the singer mumbled stubbornly “And DJ doesn’t want to talk to me”
“Can you blame him?”
“Izz I already feel like a twat for cheating on him, I don’t need you telling me off as well” the guitarist sighed and joined the singer on the window seat as he returned his gaze to the outside
“So he doesn’t wanna talk to you, when Erin or Stephanie or Slash or me, when we didn’t wanna talk to you, you made us, why is DJ different?” he asked, brushing some fluff off his jeans before taking a sip of his drink and offering Axl’s mug to him, the singer declined silently, eyes determinedly tracing the skyline “The answer’s not out of the window”
“He just is” Axl murmured quietly, hugging his knees closer to his chest
“You truly love this one don’t you?” Izzy remarked, leaning against the wall and shifting trying to get more comfortable as Axl nodded, taking his drink, eyes downcast as he asked
“How can I make it better Izzy?” the brunette watched him quietly before glancing out of the window himself
“Honestly? I’m not sure, I don’t know what would make it better for DJ but what I would do is tell him how you feel, truly show him much you love him, show how much being apart is hurting. I think you’ve learnt your lesson. It might be that he’s waiting for you to speak to him again; the last time you tried talking to him was about a week after you… I don’t know have you broken up?”
“I don’t know”
“Well, whatever you’re calling this, it was a week afterwards and I’m betting he was still hurting at that point, whereas it’s been 6 weeks now he’s had time to cool off, calm down, pull himself back together, you know collect his thoughts again”
Axl hummed slightly, glancing towards his best friend “What if he still doesn’t wanna talk?” Izzy swallowed a mouthful of hot chocolate, a thoughtful look on his face
“Hmm, if that happens then back off, he obviously isn’t ready for it, give him another week then you try again but that time you do as you used to and make him talk to you, he’s already proven he’s not gonna leave the band because of what’s happened in his personal life. Alternatively you could write him a song rather than talking, love always has brought out the best lyrics in you” the other watched silently as Axl bit his lip, contemplating his words before looking back out of the window.
**********
“Do you wanna go out tonight?” Izzy looked up in surprise, ignoring his mobile as it chirruped with another message
“Sure,” he answered before adding “You seem to be in good mood all of a sudden” Axl gave him a slight smile and waved a sheet of paper covered in his choppy handwriting at him
“I did as you said” he offered simply as an explanation once Izzy had caught the sailing paper and started to read, ignoring the crossings out and scribbles up the side. Approval shone in his smile as he handed it back
“As I said, love brings out the best lyrics in you” a genuine smile curved his friend’s mouth and he got up and stretched, a new burst of energy seeming to have revived him. Izzy grinned and stood as well “Where do you wanna go? I could get Duff to join us, although Slash would be coming as well” Axl glanced back at him before shrugging
“That’s fine”
Izzy stared at him before saying slowly “Ok, where’s the Axl I know gone?” the singer laughed
“Oh, he’s around, don’t worry”
“Hmm, alright but if I don’t see him again then I may have to call the cops and tell ‘em someone’s abducted my best friend” Axl just giggled and hugged the guitarist
“Thank you Jeff, you’ve always known how to make me feel better” he said sincerely as Izzy hugged him back
“It’s never been a problem Will” he answered softly. They both held on for a while, enjoying the moment before Izzy gave him one last squeeze and released him “Come on, if you wanna go out then we best get a move on”
************
“Izzy!” Duff called happily, seizing the elder in a hug as soon as he came close enough, Izzy pulled a face but hugged the blonde back as he greeted Axl loudly, a worried glance at Axl and Slash told him all he needed to know. Nothing would be happening tonight.
“Hey” Slash mumbled as he and Axl walked side by side awkwardly; Izzy and Duff were striding ahead, heading for some busy nightclub
“Hey”
“Look Axl, I’m sorry yeh? I never meant to…” he stopped, struggling for words, his eyes reached the floor and remained there as he mumbled “You know, break you guys up. I… I…”
“Slash, it’s not just your fault, I never stopped you. I’m sorry too, but not just for damaging your relationship with Perla, for everything” the guitarist glanced over, surprised before he offered a tentative smile
“I’ll accept yours if you accept mine, I’m sorry too” he said, confidence returning as Axl smiled back before elbowing him slightly as they were pulled into the club by Duff
“So… what about your singer?”
“Myles?”
“Yeh” Slash laughed, pushing a way through the crowds for them both to reach the bar, their companions had disappeared into the thronging masses of sweaty bodies all moving to the techno beat that caused the floor to vibrate and conversations to become shouted. Snippets of other peoples’ secrets reached them constantly as before they both nearly fell past the final few people to reach their goal. “Christ that was a fucking workout, I haven’t been to a place like this in years” the singer told him as Slash ordered their drinks.
“Yeh, I haven’t been to one in a while either, this is Perla’s playground normally, no longer mine” Slash laughed handing over the money and passing the singer his glass
“So… I saw the smile as you said his name, what’s the deal with the two of you?”
“Nothing” Axl fixed with a stare, disbelief written on his features
“Of course, nothing that’s why you’re always next to him in your pictures and on stage and…”
“Alright!” the other interrupted, cheeks turning slightly pink “Alright, there may be something. Feelings, on my part at least an… I don’t know. I don’t know about Myles, I’d like to think they’re returned but I don’t know”
Axl smiled “I’m sure they are, that was my attitude before I told D, if you don’t tell him well you’ll never know” he said confidently before rapping on the bar for another set of drinks.
“How did you and him get together?”
“Well I had liked him for about 3 years I think, it wasn’t long after we got to know each other. I don’t know how D decided or came to realize that he liked me but I didn’t realize that I loved him until” Axl paused, running a hand through his hair and taking a sip of his drink “We were on tour and we’d recently started sharing rooms cause it was cheaper and pretty much everyone in the band, they’re in a relationship with each other” Slash frowned, swallowing a mouthful before asking confusedly
“What?”
“They’re all in couples. There’s Dizzy and Chris, Tommy and Frank, Ron and Richard and well there was me and DJ. Anyway they all wanted to share so me and D we just thought we might as well… Um, anyhow he had a nightmare; I don’t know what it was about, he never told me but whatever it was it scared him pretty bad. And it was as I comforting him, you know just like trying to calm him down, make him feel better. I can remember thinking I don’t ever wanna see him like this again; I don’t want him to be hurt, I wanna protect him even though he can look after himself, his girlfriend at the time joined us in the morning and I was really jealous, not my normal jealous, a burning angry jealousy. I fucking hated the girl, I was horrible to her and I know I shouldn’t have been but I couldn’t help it”
Slash smiled “I’ve felt that” he interjected as Axl smiled back before continuing
“I was talking to one of my childhood friends, my first girlfriend actually. Um but she’s recently got engaged to her girlfriend and we were sat there in the restaurant and she says ‘You really like this guy don’t you?’ and I said to her ‘Yeh I do but I could never tell him’ and she looked at me like I was stupid and just asked why and I told her how I was sure he didn’t like me back and I’d freak him out, he’d leave and I can’t imagine my life without him. He became such, such a part of me that it felt like it would physically hurt to never have him there. He was and is the first thing I thought about in the morning; and the last thing at night, we were always texting, always talking. He’s in my thoughts all the time, it no longer feels like I’m in control, he leads, I follow. He wishes for something, I try my utmost to get that something. I’m a fucking puppet on a string and he’s the puppeteer! I thought it would hurt to be apart from him and it does; it hurts so fucking much, I can’t get him out of my head even when I try Slash, he’s everywhere I fucking look” he finished softly, voice shaking and eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to avoid tears.
“Axl, Axl you need to tell him this, you should tell him what you’ve told me. He’d know that I could never match up. We’re each other’s addiction, not each other’s love” Slash said quietly, taking Axl’s hand in his as the singer choked out a laugh and waved his free hand
“Yeh Lauren said I should tell him too, so I did and I thought… I thought he’d rejected me at first cause he didn’t say anything, I ran off and he followed me, told me he loved me but I don’t know now, how much I care about him fucking scares me Slash, I’ve told so many people that I love them without knowing the fucking meaning of the word but now I can’t help but think maybe he doesn’t feel the same as me” Axl told him, eyes no longer threatening to spill but his throat had constricted causing his voice to get lower and quieter, forcing Slash to lean in fully as so to hear him properly.
“Ax, I’m sure he loves you. Just maybe he hasn’t realized how much you love him, you need to talk to him” Slash told him, swallowing the last of his drink as Axl finished his
“I know, Izzy told me to write a song if I can’t put it into words when I’m stood in front of him” Slash nodded, clearly approving of that idea.
“Well don’t you two look cosy!” Duff grinned as he and Izzy fell from the crowd and strode over to them
“Hmm, finally found us then” Slash smiled hugging the blonde back as he seized him affectionately, Izzy glanced over at Axl questioningly, noting the sad look on his face
“What’s wrong?” Izzy muttered, sidestepping past the ball of limbs and hair that their ex band-mates had turned into
“Just talking about DJ” Axl replied a wry smile appearing on his face as he watched Slash try to free himself
“He’s here! We saw him, didn’t we Izz? Him and Myles!” Duff announced, either ignoring or not noticing the warning shaking of the head Izzy was giving him, Slash and Axl both glanced at one another
“Where?” Slash asked, managing to pull Duff’s arm off his waist
“They were back there, they’re probably not even there anymore, just talk to him tomorrow after the show” Izzy insisted, catching hold of Axl’s wrist silently imploring him to stay.
“Why are you trying to stop me from finding him?” Axl asked quietly, curiosity burning
“Will, please just trust me, stay here and talk to him tomorrow” Izzy said just as quietly
“Izz, you’ve saying what I have, he needs to talk to him” Slash interrupted the silent begging and relenting that had been going on between his friends. Determination took the place of heeding Izzy as Axl listened to Slash’s words
“Yeh he’s right, you have been telling me to talk to him. I’m gonna go and look for him, Slash needs to talk to Myles anyway”
“I do?”
“You do” Axl confirmed, pulling himself free of Izzy’s hold and pulling Slash back into the crowd, thudding music blacking out any other sound but not before they heard Izzy tell Duff off furiously “What don’t they want us to see?” Axl yelled, keeping a firm grasp on Slash as they weaved their way around intertwined bodies
“That” Slash answered hurt and anger in his voice, he stopped forcing Axl to halt, the singer glanced back at him before following his gaze.
DJ, Axl’s DJ was pushed up against the wall, tattooed fingers woven into thick brown hair as his mouth was plundered by none other than Myles Kennedy, Axl stepped back, body feeling weak as the only thing his eyes could see was his, his DJ kissing another man. “Axl?” he heard Izzy say faintly, he could barely feel his hands supporting him as he collapsed against the rhythm guitarist. Crystal eyes opened and met his own emerald; shock flooded into them as the two separated quickly and DJ took a step forward, mouth framing his name, Axl stared at him for a moment, time seeming to have stopped before he turned and ran.
“I don’t want anyone new” the singer mumbled stubbornly “And DJ doesn’t want to talk to me”
“Can you blame him?”
“Izz I already feel like a twat for cheating on him, I don’t need you telling me off as well” the guitarist sighed and joined the singer on the window seat as he returned his gaze to the outside
“So he doesn’t wanna talk to you, when Erin or Stephanie or Slash or me, when we didn’t wanna talk to you, you made us, why is DJ different?” he asked, brushing some fluff off his jeans before taking a sip of his drink and offering Axl’s mug to him, the singer declined silently, eyes determinedly tracing the skyline “The answer’s not out of the window”
“He just is” Axl murmured quietly, hugging his knees closer to his chest
“You truly love this one don’t you?” Izzy remarked, leaning against the wall and shifting trying to get more comfortable as Axl nodded, taking his drink, eyes downcast as he asked
“How can I make it better Izzy?” the brunette watched him quietly before glancing out of the window himself
“Honestly? I’m not sure, I don’t know what would make it better for DJ but what I would do is tell him how you feel, truly show him much you love him, show how much being apart is hurting. I think you’ve learnt your lesson. It might be that he’s waiting for you to speak to him again; the last time you tried talking to him was about a week after you… I don’t know have you broken up?”
“I don’t know”
“Well, whatever you’re calling this, it was a week afterwards and I’m betting he was still hurting at that point, whereas it’s been 6 weeks now he’s had time to cool off, calm down, pull himself back together, you know collect his thoughts again”
Axl hummed slightly, glancing towards his best friend “What if he still doesn’t wanna talk?” Izzy swallowed a mouthful of hot chocolate, a thoughtful look on his face
“Hmm, if that happens then back off, he obviously isn’t ready for it, give him another week then you try again but that time you do as you used to and make him talk to you, he’s already proven he’s not gonna leave the band because of what’s happened in his personal life. Alternatively you could write him a song rather than talking, love always has brought out the best lyrics in you” the other watched silently as Axl bit his lip, contemplating his words before looking back out of the window.
**********
“Do you wanna go out tonight?” Izzy looked up in surprise, ignoring his mobile as it chirruped with another message
“Sure,” he answered before adding “You seem to be in good mood all of a sudden” Axl gave him a slight smile and waved a sheet of paper covered in his choppy handwriting at him
“I did as you said” he offered simply as an explanation once Izzy had caught the sailing paper and started to read, ignoring the crossings out and scribbles up the side. Approval shone in his smile as he handed it back
“As I said, love brings out the best lyrics in you” a genuine smile curved his friend’s mouth and he got up and stretched, a new burst of energy seeming to have revived him. Izzy grinned and stood as well “Where do you wanna go? I could get Duff to join us, although Slash would be coming as well” Axl glanced back at him before shrugging
“That’s fine”
Izzy stared at him before saying slowly “Ok, where’s the Axl I know gone?” the singer laughed
“Oh, he’s around, don’t worry”
“Hmm, alright but if I don’t see him again then I may have to call the cops and tell ‘em someone’s abducted my best friend” Axl just giggled and hugged the guitarist
“Thank you Jeff, you’ve always known how to make me feel better” he said sincerely as Izzy hugged him back
“It’s never been a problem Will” he answered softly. They both held on for a while, enjoying the moment before Izzy gave him one last squeeze and released him “Come on, if you wanna go out then we best get a move on”
************
“Izzy!” Duff called happily, seizing the elder in a hug as soon as he came close enough, Izzy pulled a face but hugged the blonde back as he greeted Axl loudly, a worried glance at Axl and Slash told him all he needed to know. Nothing would be happening tonight.
“Hey” Slash mumbled as he and Axl walked side by side awkwardly; Izzy and Duff were striding ahead, heading for some busy nightclub
“Hey”
“Look Axl, I’m sorry yeh? I never meant to…” he stopped, struggling for words, his eyes reached the floor and remained there as he mumbled “You know, break you guys up. I… I…”
“Slash, it’s not just your fault, I never stopped you. I’m sorry too, but not just for damaging your relationship with Perla, for everything” the guitarist glanced over, surprised before he offered a tentative smile
“I’ll accept yours if you accept mine, I’m sorry too” he said, confidence returning as Axl smiled back before elbowing him slightly as they were pulled into the club by Duff
“So… what about your singer?”
“Myles?”
“Yeh” Slash laughed, pushing a way through the crowds for them both to reach the bar, their companions had disappeared into the thronging masses of sweaty bodies all moving to the techno beat that caused the floor to vibrate and conversations to become shouted. Snippets of other peoples’ secrets reached them constantly as before they both nearly fell past the final few people to reach their goal. “Christ that was a fucking workout, I haven’t been to a place like this in years” the singer told him as Slash ordered their drinks.
“Yeh, I haven’t been to one in a while either, this is Perla’s playground normally, no longer mine” Slash laughed handing over the money and passing the singer his glass
“So… I saw the smile as you said his name, what’s the deal with the two of you?”
“Nothing” Axl fixed with a stare, disbelief written on his features
“Of course, nothing that’s why you’re always next to him in your pictures and on stage and…”
“Alright!” the other interrupted, cheeks turning slightly pink “Alright, there may be something. Feelings, on my part at least an… I don’t know. I don’t know about Myles, I’d like to think they’re returned but I don’t know”
Axl smiled “I’m sure they are, that was my attitude before I told D, if you don’t tell him well you’ll never know” he said confidently before rapping on the bar for another set of drinks.
“How did you and him get together?”
“Well I had liked him for about 3 years I think, it wasn’t long after we got to know each other. I don’t know how D decided or came to realize that he liked me but I didn’t realize that I loved him until” Axl paused, running a hand through his hair and taking a sip of his drink “We were on tour and we’d recently started sharing rooms cause it was cheaper and pretty much everyone in the band, they’re in a relationship with each other” Slash frowned, swallowing a mouthful before asking confusedly
“What?”
“They’re all in couples. There’s Dizzy and Chris, Tommy and Frank, Ron and Richard and well there was me and DJ. Anyway they all wanted to share so me and D we just thought we might as well… Um, anyhow he had a nightmare; I don’t know what it was about, he never told me but whatever it was it scared him pretty bad. And it was as I comforting him, you know just like trying to calm him down, make him feel better. I can remember thinking I don’t ever wanna see him like this again; I don’t want him to be hurt, I wanna protect him even though he can look after himself, his girlfriend at the time joined us in the morning and I was really jealous, not my normal jealous, a burning angry jealousy. I fucking hated the girl, I was horrible to her and I know I shouldn’t have been but I couldn’t help it”
Slash smiled “I’ve felt that” he interjected as Axl smiled back before continuing
“I was talking to one of my childhood friends, my first girlfriend actually. Um but she’s recently got engaged to her girlfriend and we were sat there in the restaurant and she says ‘You really like this guy don’t you?’ and I said to her ‘Yeh I do but I could never tell him’ and she looked at me like I was stupid and just asked why and I told her how I was sure he didn’t like me back and I’d freak him out, he’d leave and I can’t imagine my life without him. He became such, such a part of me that it felt like it would physically hurt to never have him there. He was and is the first thing I thought about in the morning; and the last thing at night, we were always texting, always talking. He’s in my thoughts all the time, it no longer feels like I’m in control, he leads, I follow. He wishes for something, I try my utmost to get that something. I’m a fucking puppet on a string and he’s the puppeteer! I thought it would hurt to be apart from him and it does; it hurts so fucking much, I can’t get him out of my head even when I try Slash, he’s everywhere I fucking look” he finished softly, voice shaking and eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to avoid tears.
“Axl, Axl you need to tell him this, you should tell him what you’ve told me. He’d know that I could never match up. We’re each other’s addiction, not each other’s love” Slash said quietly, taking Axl’s hand in his as the singer choked out a laugh and waved his free hand
“Yeh Lauren said I should tell him too, so I did and I thought… I thought he’d rejected me at first cause he didn’t say anything, I ran off and he followed me, told me he loved me but I don’t know now, how much I care about him fucking scares me Slash, I’ve told so many people that I love them without knowing the fucking meaning of the word but now I can’t help but think maybe he doesn’t feel the same as me” Axl told him, eyes no longer threatening to spill but his throat had constricted causing his voice to get lower and quieter, forcing Slash to lean in fully as so to hear him properly.
“Ax, I’m sure he loves you. Just maybe he hasn’t realized how much you love him, you need to talk to him” Slash told him, swallowing the last of his drink as Axl finished his
“I know, Izzy told me to write a song if I can’t put it into words when I’m stood in front of him” Slash nodded, clearly approving of that idea.
“Well don’t you two look cosy!” Duff grinned as he and Izzy fell from the crowd and strode over to them
“Hmm, finally found us then” Slash smiled hugging the blonde back as he seized him affectionately, Izzy glanced over at Axl questioningly, noting the sad look on his face
“What’s wrong?” Izzy muttered, sidestepping past the ball of limbs and hair that their ex band-mates had turned into
“Just talking about DJ” Axl replied a wry smile appearing on his face as he watched Slash try to free himself
“He’s here! We saw him, didn’t we Izz? Him and Myles!” Duff announced, either ignoring or not noticing the warning shaking of the head Izzy was giving him, Slash and Axl both glanced at one another
“Where?” Slash asked, managing to pull Duff’s arm off his waist
“They were back there, they’re probably not even there anymore, just talk to him tomorrow after the show” Izzy insisted, catching hold of Axl’s wrist silently imploring him to stay.
“Why are you trying to stop me from finding him?” Axl asked quietly, curiosity burning
“Will, please just trust me, stay here and talk to him tomorrow” Izzy said just as quietly
“Izz, you’ve saying what I have, he needs to talk to him” Slash interrupted the silent begging and relenting that had been going on between his friends. Determination took the place of heeding Izzy as Axl listened to Slash’s words
“Yeh he’s right, you have been telling me to talk to him. I’m gonna go and look for him, Slash needs to talk to Myles anyway”
“I do?”
“You do” Axl confirmed, pulling himself free of Izzy’s hold and pulling Slash back into the crowd, thudding music blacking out any other sound but not before they heard Izzy tell Duff off furiously “What don’t they want us to see?” Axl yelled, keeping a firm grasp on Slash as they weaved their way around intertwined bodies
“That” Slash answered hurt and anger in his voice, he stopped forcing Axl to halt, the singer glanced back at him before following his gaze.
DJ, Axl’s DJ was pushed up against the wall, tattooed fingers woven into thick brown hair as his mouth was plundered by none other than Myles Kennedy, Axl stepped back, body feeling weak as the only thing his eyes could see was his, his DJ kissing another man. “Axl?” he heard Izzy say faintly, he could barely feel his hands supporting him as he collapsed against the rhythm guitarist. Crystal eyes opened and met his own emerald; shock flooded into them as the two separated quickly and DJ took a step forward, mouth framing his name, Axl stared at him for a moment, time seeming to have stopped before he turned and ran.
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