She was afraid at first when she believed she was falling in love with John. She feared that it wasn't love and it was just her clinging onto him like she had done with Hro. She also feared that he would use her like Hro had. It was when they had confronted Despero was when she finally realized that she loved him. That and she was initially jealous of Katma when they first met. Honestly she still didn't like the Korugaran, though there was some bad blood between their species to begin with.
Shayera rolled over carefully and watched John sleep for a few moments before returning back to her thoughts. She still didn't understand why humans used rings for engagements, or why it was even called an engagement. It was simpler on Thanagar. There were no marriages, you were simply promised to each other. Though just as a divorce annulled a marriage, a promise could be broken and a lot easier than going through the nasty legal battle of a divorce on Earth. If one got tired with their lover on Thanagar, they would either poison or assassinate them and make it look like an accident.
Once she made Lieutenant, Shayera was close to doing the same with Hro. He had served his purpose yet she couldn't bring herself to kill him. She knew that she, like many other Thanagarians, had some type of attachment disorder which made her cling to Hro in the first place. She fooled herself into loving him.
It was different with John. After awhile she realized that what she felt for Hro wasn't love but what she felt for John was. Hro had been her career stepladder while John was someone who she could be intimate with, both physically and most importantly emotionally. Hro was set on dominating her and having his way with her. She was more of a trophy to him than a lover. She used him to higher her rank in the military and he used her like she was some toy.
Shayera remembered how she would tell herself she loved Hro. That she would give her life for him. If faced with the situation, she would have never given her life for him. But for John, of course she would. It was bad enough that she knew she was going to outlive him as it was and potentially outlive any child they had. The only way he could outlive her was if she was killed in battle. Even Hro was older than her and she would have outlived him. He was more than double, nearly triple, her age. He knew what he was doing when he rung her in and she fell for him like a fool.
She knew she shouldn't but at times she missed Hro. Even if John did understand her military past, Hro understood it better. She had been crushed and heartbroken when she learned of his death, even if she never really meant it when she told him she loved him. But she was thankful because Hro's loss was her gain. He lost her forever and she was given a new life on Earth.
"What we had was the closest thing to love that we could of ever had on Thanagar. I told you I loved you but you never once said you loved me too," Shayera whispered as she cuddled up to John's body. "I found someone that can say they love me too."
Perhaps, if Hro had said those three simple words to her, she would of let the Thanagarians use the Hyperspace Bypass Generator on Earth. Maybe if he had given her some hope that he did love her and she had something to return to, she would have chosen Thanagar over Earth. And maybe, just maybe, if he told and showed her that he loved her, she might have chosen him over John.