William’s body hung like a martyr propped against the playground jungle gym. He twisted his upper body with years of tumultuous rage and speed, despite the impending pounding in his head. Aiming ...
(#) shadowvt125 2013-04-21 05:15:02 PMAs I’m sure you well know, One in a Million is one of the most controversial GNR songs ever.
The lyrics are – how should I put it – quite precarious, but the song itself, the tune, the guitars blows me away every time I ‘m listening to it.
It polarizes people, that’s a fact.
Your chapter One in a Million left me with similar feelings.
The melody is beautiful, hauntingly played: “ William’s body hung like a martyr propped against the playground jungle gym.” And my favorite line: “waiting for the fist on the end of the long arm of the law.”
Yet there are some sour notes in it, like in Axls flashback of their first meeting or in the assault scene in L.A., the displayed violence and sexual harassment left me slightly uneasy.
But I guess this is just what you wanted to achieve by writing it like this. Looked at that way, you hit the right notes.
A little bit of key for me (personally) to some extent is Axls response to his treatment in this scenes. I suppose, finding myself in a comparable situation, I would be scared shitless and the only physical reaction I would be able to show would be … honestly I don’t know.
I simply can’t emphasize to showing a remotely similar reaction, even if he hates it –“ trying not to moan and hating what the touch did to him.” ‘suppose I would just wet my pants – with pi..! But that’s personal, aside from it: great job!
The way you used the jungle gym, the way you played with light and shadow, rain and sun, violence and tenderness, heaven and hell, angels and devils: you are my Botticelli of fanfiction! And the faded, black bandana thing- Holy Grail!
‘so sorry for reviewing so late – my partner somehow managed to delete my story-alert-notification-mail so…. I’m still a believer!
Author's responseThis chapter was really difficult to write. I knew I wanted to write it and wanted it to be authentic and dark, but I actually had to stop writing it and come back to it several times.
I see what you mean about Axl's reaction. I'm going to have to reword that. My intention for that part was his body simply reacting to the touch. Not that the touch was turning him on =(
I'm just so relieved and ecstatic that this chapter hasn't deterred you from the story =) Oh and I'll tell you that I'm actually an artist by profession, so when you wrote "you are my Botticelli of fanfiction!" ...I actually have no words to describe how wonderful you made me feel, so thank you times infinity
- Finally succumbed and sat an alert – because I NEARLY MISSED THIS!
Sweat, blood and tears:
That wasn’t an easy one! Neither for me to read and nor as I am assuming, for you to write.
But definitely worth the effort and time for both parties!
Still, one complain*: Not enough, not nearly enough! I want more! (digging out the pompons) I want more!
* and it won’t help you in the least if you dig me six feet under, you still would hear me complain: I want more!
Afterthought: the black bandana:
is there a reference to the Janis Joplin Song Bobby McGee ?
Author's responseWhen things calm down I'm going to try updating more regularly. Please note I said "try" ;) And you are right! It is a reference to Janis Joplin's Bobby McGee. I was listening to that song while I wrote this. Somehow it gave me hope to get through to the Izzy/Axl part at the end. I'm thrilled you picked up on that!
It was a hard chapter to write for me. I almost rewrote it. Why on earth would I bury you six feet under? Then I wouldn't get to read your reviews and smile that someone is reading my stories :) Thank you so much for reading and leaving me feedback!