Categories > Cartoons > Justice League Unlimited > Moments Captured in Time

Babies, Cake, and Eggs

by yugioh4ever 0 reviews

Category: Justice League Unlimited - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2013-06-03 - 2298 words

Being a parent was supposed to be rewarding. Most of the time it was, except when Shayera liked to be the 'fun' parent and let John be the 'mean' parent. He didn't like fighting with his son or his daughter. His daughter especially. She didn't like to give up a fight. His son on the other hand would give him a puppy eyes look which normally got him his way. He knew how to tug at the heartstrings to get what he wanted.

Either way John lost any and all arguments against them.

Rex and Emma, unfortunately for John, had always been curious children. Both of them took after their mother with their brains and looks but their personalities differed greatly. Rex acted more like John, when he was his age, than anything else. Emma, on the other hand, had Shayera's spitfire attitude and temper. Rex was laid back and generally collected while Emma was high strung and quite vocal.


John eyed his wife, her face red from laughter. Their six-year-old daughter sat next to her on their bed with a frown on her face not understanding the joke between her parents.

In the many years he had known Shayera he had never seen nor heard her laugh so loudly before. She had thrown herself on the bed, definitely out of character for his wife, and laughed. She laughed and she laughed and she laughed. She had struggled to breathe as John's world crashed around him.

His wife had definitely gone mad. John sighed and stared at his daughter. He tried to calm himself down.

When Emma had been born and he had first laid eyes on her, John had told himself his daughter was not allowed to grow-up. She wouldn't be allowed to like boys; they would always have cooties, he would tell her. She wouldn't even think about going on dates or wearing revealing dresses. Interaction with the opposite sex was out of the question.

John knew it was insane. He knew it wouldn't work out because he knew that his daughter would one day meet a boy and that boy would corrupt his innocent angel and he'd want to throw her in a convent for protection.

He was ready for it.


What he wasn't ready for was his daughter to drop this bomb on his head so soon.

"Daddy!" she dragged out the 'y' and kicked her legs on the bed, "Where do babies come from?"

Shayera started howling with laughter again and John gave her a sharp look. So much for 'team parenting'. His wife had promptly said, "This one is for you," and then busted out laughing when John's facial expression turned very uncomfortable.

He probably shouldn't have abandoned Shayera last night when it had taken her over three hours to get Rex to sleep with long adventurous tales about super heroes beating up bad guys while he had only had to give Emma a quick kiss on the forehead and mumble a, 'sweet dreams'.

John wondered if he could tell Emma that babies didn't exist. That they were a figment of her imagination. He currently wished they were a figment of his imagination.

"I...uh...Emma um..."

"You do know, don't you Daddy?"

Shayera snorted. She was going to pay for her reactions later but for now John ignored her. Emma was always questioning his intelligence. His mind was reeling as he figured out something proper to say.

He didn't want to scare his daughter with the facts. Of course he knew where babies came from, he had created her, hadn't he? He didn't think it would be appropriate to tell her she was conceived after a night of heavy alcohol consumption by both of her parents and John idiotically thinking there wasn't a chance Shayera could get pregnant if they were both under the influence. Well Shayera was only buzzed but she had managed to get John pretty toasted.

"Of course I know," He snapped with a huff, "I know everything."

Emma raised her eyebrow unconvinced. She folded her arms over her chest and waited for her father to answer the question. John racked his brain, wishing he had read the parenting books Shayera had gotten. Instead they were collecting dust somewhere unknown to him.

What did they always say?

Tell the truth?

Emma's emerald eyes shined as she stared at her father. Fat chance, he was not going to tell her the truth. The less she knew, the better.

So he said with a grin, "Babies are" Shayera stared at him with raised eyebrows and shook her head. Emma didn't say anything, her lips were pursed together in a tight line and she cocked her head to the side, giving her father an incredulous look. John faltered underneath her gaze and quickly blurted out, "How about some ice cream?"

John was certain he could use food to get out of any situation.

"Yay!" Emma nodded her head and hopped off the bed, bee lining to the kitchen. John grinned and gave Shayera a wink.

"Father of the year right here," He said, patting himself on the chest. Shayera rolled her eyes in response.

Emma Stewart was less than amused when she found out her father had been lying to her. John was going to have to kill Wally later. She kicked her legs that dangled from the chair in their kitchen and crossed her arms, glaring at her father.

She resembled an angry Shayera and that was one person John really never liked to see upset.

"Emma..." He mumbled, trying to think of something to say. Shayera had refused to help him out.

"Daddy," She said with a scowl, "You lied! Mommy says lying is bad. Mommy says that only bad people lie and that—"

John held up his hand to silence his daughter. He cursed in his head, clearly Shayera said too much. "Emma, I'm not a liar. Daddy is the only man you can trust. Remember that. Look," He started with an exasperated sigh, What do you want to know?"

She shook her head and very slowly said, "Where do babies come from?" At this point Emma figured her father really didn't know either. "How do they get here?"

John paused trying to think of something to say. His eyes dropped to the table in front of him, swallowing slowly as Emma closely watched him. He tried to think about how he had learned all about sex and babies but that just made his ears burn and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. That had been one awkward conversation with his grandmother.

"Ask me again in forty years."

"I want to know now!" Emma shouted hotly.

There really wasn't anything that could match the ferocity of his daughter's temper tantrums.

John groaned in defeat and then scooted away from his daughter. He didn't know if it was appropriate for him to hold her little hand and say, 'Well honey, the truth is Mommy and Daddy have-'. He couldn't even think of a proper word in his head. Not one that he could use around his little girl.

"Well," He began nervously. Emma watched him with big eyes and pouted her lower lip. "When a Mommy and Daddy...err..get married...they have babies and everyone is happy," He clapped his hands together to signal that was the end of the story and grinned. "How about some cake for dinner?" He asked brightly.

Emma scowled. "But how?"

John thought for a moment. He wondered if he could say from magic but even he knew that was a terrible explanation. He also didn't want his daughter to be nervous every time she was around Zatanna, Doctor Fate, or any other magic wielder in the Justice League with worries that she would easily get pregnant.

"You know," He mumbled. By the angry look on Emma's face, he guessed she really didn't know. He sighed as he concocted a story, "They wander about...take a stroll through the park and just...snatch some babies." He blurted out.

She scrunched up her nose in confusion and John sighed. He really wouldn't be worried if his daughter was afraid to go to the park anymore.

"I'm confused," Emma stated. Truthfully he was too.

"How about that cake then?" He asked.

Emma glared at her father and shook her head defiantly. "Daddy!"

John raised his hands in the air as surrender. "Okay, okay. How do I explain this?" He paused and then got up from his chair, his daughter's eyes watching his every movement. He walked over towards the refrigerator and then to the cabinets, removing bowls and different ingredients.

Emma watched him go on for a good five minutes, walking back and forth very slowly to the table and then to the cupboard to take something out and then put it down. He grumbled to himself, going over in his head what he was going to say.

Finally he stopped moving around and fumbled with one large silver bowl and one medium sized silver bowl.

"Having a baby is like baking a cake," he declared.

Emma's eyes opened wide and she stared at her father with horror, "My birthday cake was a baby!"

John swore under his breath as her emerald eyes filled with tears and nervously waved his hands in front of her face as if that would stop her from crying. "No! We don't eat babies! Err...babies come from love?"

Emma glared at him, face quickly turning red and she balled up her fists with anger. "You just said they come from baking a cake!" She shouted. "Liar! Liar! Liar!"

She watched as her father nervously looked at and then set two silver bowls next to each other, one large one and one medium sized one. He tapped the bowl with his finger and then eyed the sack of flour in thought.

"No...they do. It's sorta like uh...we have a mommy bowl and we have a daddy bowl, okay?"

Emma crossed her arms against her chest and gave her father a soft, "Hm."

His hands shook as he opened the sack of flour. "And the mommy bowl and daddy bowl have"

John was certain he was never going to eat cake again.

He watched as Emma's eyes shined with excitement and she leaned over the kitchen table, hands clamped together with interest. "Like what?" she asked, peering into the empty bowl. "Sprinkles?"

"Well," He muttered weakly to himself trying to find the best route for him to continue with his explanation. "Sure! The bowls have sprinkles and..." He stared at a can of whipped cream that was near him and instead grabbed the flour and sugar.

Emma watched as he poured flour into one bowl and sugar into another, her small hands scooping up some sugar and shoving it into her mouth. John figured Shayera could deal with the aftereffects later.

"The bowls have flour, sugar, and milk and they mix the two together and then..." He spilled the sugar and milk he had poured into the smaller bowl into the larger one and watched in disgust as it bubbled slightly. "In a certain amount of time the baby bakes-I mean grows."

With sugary hands and a scowl on her face, Emma sat back in her chair and said, "But how could a bird make a baby if she has no thumbs? What about fish and how to dogs make puppies then?"

John paused, forgetting the concoction in front of him. He gaped at his daughter, what kind of imagination did she have?

"Emma, why do you want to know where babies come from? Where do you think they come from?"

Emma hummed to herself and then she giggled, leaning against her father's leg and hugging her arms around him. "I knew you didn't really know, Daddy. I don't know either. Last week I saw a TV show about little baby birdies," Her eyes twinkled with excitement as she told him the story. "Do you think the mommy birdy used eggs in her cake? That's why they're slimy and funny looking?"

John grinned, "Sweetheart, all birds lay eggs and those little funny looking birds hatched from those eggs. So baby birds do come from eggs."

Emma blanched and squeezed her father tightly. "Did Mommy lay an egg then?" she asked with a slight tremble. "She's part bird, isn't she?"

John cleared his throat. Neither Emma or Rex were aware of the fact that their mother was not a human and not from Earth. John and Shayera weren't worried about explaining that to their children. What they didn't know how to explain was the Thanagarian Invasion but that was something they could worry about later.

"Well, did she have to lay an egg?"

John coughed to stop himself from laughing, remembering all of Wally's terrible bird jokes, and bent down to give his daughter a kiss on the forehead. "Trust me she didn't lay any eggs," he said reassuringly. She stared up at him with a hopeful smile. "Just think of the outcome. I got you and Rex, didn't I? You can ask Mommy all about it." Though according to his wife, it was more like giving birth to watermelons than babies.

That week Shayera kept asking John why Emma continuously asked her if she laid eggs, what type of bird she was if she didn't lay eggs, and why she had a meltdown when they ate scrambled eggs one morning. Ranting and raving about baby birds and eggs.

John response was just a shake of his head as he looked at her in amusement. John decided that, when Rex asked where babies came from, Shayera could field the question.
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