Categories > TV > Babylon 5 > B5/ST: Cold dish, served.

Interlude Earth pt. 1

by notBald 2 Reviews

The Earth Alliance can do nothing but prepare for the final hours of Earth.

Category: Babylon 5 - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Action/Adventure - Characters: Other - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2006/09/16 - Updated: 2006/09/16 - 12070 words


  • B5/ST: Cold dish, served.

    (#) Rodon 2006-09-21 07:04:52 PM

    Are you going to have Sinclair meet up with the Bellatrix out on the Rim? The creation of a new Federation out of the outcasts from the 'civilized' galaxy. I wonder how the other races will react to that development? Creating a new Federation out in the Rim would also give them access to lots of untapped resources from tech to labor.

    I like how you handled the attack on Earth. I wonder how the Vorlons are reacting. Their 'King' was out of place because something as simple as an upset stomach. The Shadows mean while must be dancing as their manipulations have worked beyond anything they had hoped for. And the Psi Corps. is slowly headed right into their waiting arms... errr... grippers. You also might want to show the reaction of Mars at their sudden and bloody independance from Earth (well, those who aren't fleeing from the Minbari around Earth).

    I really look forward for the next chapter.
  • B5/ST: Cold dish, served.

    (#) JoeFenton 2006-10-11 10:08:26 PM

    The story is rather good, but you seem to not be proofing the chapters. You have all sorts of silly mistakes, "aloud" instead of "allowed", "cheeked" instead of "checked", "shock his head" instead of "shook his head", and many more.

    This little snippet is from ch 2 - "one did not want a rough AI being the crew into space", which of course should be "one did not want a rouge AI beaming the crew into space" instead.

    Spend a little more time going through the chapter before posting doing cleanup. A story this good means people will be willing to wait a little longer while you double-check. You don't need to rush chapters out.

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