Categories > Comics > X-Men3 Reviews
A Saint Patrick's Day challenge starring the cast of Uncanny. With Kurt and Ororo out on a date, Logan and Rachel have a drunken heart-to-heart.
Only alcoholics drink before noon. Rachel snorted as she juggled the various bottles of liquor in her arms. Decked out in green sweatpants, the newly minted Marvel Girl had planned out a marvelous evening of booze, porn and self-loathing.
"It's your own damn fault, girl," Rachel muttered.
She dropped the bottles on the coffee table and waited for the sound of glass on glass to resonate before she headed back to the kitchen to snatch some shot glasses. The laughter a floor up prompted the girl to add a lemon and a bottle of grenadine to her growing bar on the coffee table. As an afterthought, she telekinetically floated a liter of tequila behind her as she headed back into the den.
"I didn't realize that tequila was green."
Rachel forced a smile to her lips as she turned to face Kurt.
"It's not," she laughed. "But it has a tendency to turn a person green if they drink too much of it."
"But I thought the purpose of Saint Patrick's Day was to celebrate and have fun," Kurt countered. "Not drowning in a toilet somewhere."
Rachel walked over and patted him on the cheek.
"You make your own fun, Elf. I make mine."
"You're welcome to join our fun if you like, Rachel," Ororo said as she came down stairs.
"Thanks for the offer, but I'll pass," Rachel replied.
"Are you sure?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah, sure," Rachel muttered as she slunk over to the couch.
Kurt shrugged as Ororo slipped her arm around his. The two left without further argument. Rachel waited for the sound of the door shutting to echo in the empty den before she turned on the TV. She'd have to put the porn on hold until the kiddies' bedtime, but she wanted to give the impression that she was doing other things than just drinking.
A shot of chartreuse was chased by tequila. As she was watering down her apple pucker with vodka, Rachel heard footsteps.
"Who's there?" she demanded.
"Just me," Logan replied.
"What're you doing here?" Rachel asked.
"Since my healing factor makes getting drunk more of a chore than pastime, One-eye thought it'd be a good idea for me to look after everyone tonight," he answered. "What're you doing all by yourself, darlin'?"
Rachel raised a bottle in the air.
"Putting your designated self to good use," she replied.
"Not anymore, since you're here," Rachel said.
Logan nodded and sat next to her.
"Where's everybody else?" he asked.
"Since Pete came back from the dead, Pryde backed out on our porn night." Rachel scowled. "And Kurt and Ororo are going to that stupid parade."
"You're mad at Petey for coming back from the dead?" Logan raised an eyebrow.
"No!" She downed another shot. "I'm so happy that Peter's back, but why did it have to be him? He's not the Phoenix, the symbol of resurrection for chrissakes."
"Your mom will be back, Ray," Logan said. "She always comes back."
"I don't know." Rachel paused, tumbler at her lip. "This time it feels different. I mean, maybe she'll just stay dead because the idea of Scott and Emma is so gross."
"Your mom's stronger than that and you know it," Logan said. "When we need her, she'll be back."
"What if I need her now?" Rachel asked.
"You're stronger than that and you know it," Logan replied.
"Well, I don't want to be," Rachel snorted. "And now that cow Emma is snogging Scott. I'm never going to be born, am I?"
"Does it really matter?" he asked. "You're here now."
"I don't know." She sniffed and rubbed at her eyes fiercely. "He wasn't even that great of a dad, I guess."
"You really believe that?"
"He'd never let me cry." She gave up and let the tears fall. "If anything was wrong, he'd fix it right away. I think that's what I like about you; you let me cry, let me figure things out on my own."
"What's with you letting Kurt take your woman out?" Rachel interrupted.
"It was the lady's choice," Logan replied. "'Ro can do what she wants."
"And she didn't want to be with you?" Rachel watched as vodka sloshed over the lip of her tumbler and onto her pant leg.
"You sound more upset by this than me," Logan noted.
"Well, shouldn't you be upset?" Rachel asked.
"I'm not about to force any woman to be with me," Logan replied. "I'll let her go off and do what she needs to do with Kurt. If she decides that she wants to come back to me, then I'll know it was her choice, not that I kept her with me."
"What if she doesn't come back to you?"
Logan pried the tumbler from Rachel's hand.
"I suppose it's better that I find out early on, huh?"
Rachel pulled off a sock and fished out a bottle of lime green nail polish from her pocket.
"What's so special about Ororo, anyway?" She started on her big toe.
"You mean, what does Kurt think is so special about Ororo?" Logan asked.
Rachel froze, letting a glob of nail polish drip onto the couch's expensive upholstery.
"You can read minds, darlin', you tell me,"
"I'd never pick through someone's mind!" Rachel slurred.
"Afraid of what you might find?" Logan asked.
"No." Rachel shook her head. "It's just rude. It's bad enough that I'm already in their heads."
"What do you mean, Ray?"
Rachel giggled and Logan had to turn his sensitive nose away from her breath.
"Is it okay if I'm being a little naughty?" she asked as she slumped onto the older man's shoulder.
Logan's eyes followed the trail of nail polish that Rachel's toes were leaving on the couch. He made a mental note to be long gone when Emma saw what had happened to her hand picked upholstery.
"If you're not reading their minds, then what're you doing?" he asked.
"I'm making Kurt think that Ororo's skin is bright neon green." Rachel's straight face cracked and she convulsed into a fit of giggles as soon as the word, "green," had crossed her lips.
"That's pretty childish, don't you think?"
Logan was answered with more laughter. He gave her a conspiratorial smirk.
"Do you think you could make Kurt green too?"
"He'd look like a leprechaun!" Rachel exclaimed.
The jingle of keys signaled Logan of their arrival. One whiff of their scents mingled with beer and he relaxed back into the couch cushion.
Ororo edged the door open slowly and shook her head when it creaked despite her. Kurt chuckled softly and followed her into the mansion. The corridors were dim and the two found that the only source of like was coming from the television in the den.
Curled up like a kitten, Rachel was fast asleep in Logan's lap. His eyes were heavy lidded, but no less alert as he immediately met Kurt's gaze. Ororo smiled and walked over to the couch.
"You should know better than to watch the weather channel, Logan," she said.
"Just reminds me of someone I know," he replied.
"I hope you didn't drink all of that by yourself." She motioned to the empty bottles on the coffee table.
"I didn't drink much at all," Logan said. "That was mostly Rachel's handiwork."
"Maybe I should go make some coffee," Ororo suggested.
She studied Rachel for a moment before she turned around and headed towards the kitchen.
"You guys were gone a long time," Logan noted.
"Were you worried about me?" Kurt teased as he sat down on the couch.
"You know that if 'Ro pawned you off to leprechauns it'd be me that'd have to get you back," Logan said. "You guys enjoy yourselves?"
"We had a wonderful time," Kurt said. "But to be honest, something was very strange. Maybe it was the beer, but I hardly drank."
"Just enough to think 'Ro was green?" Logan smirked. "I guess you just don't know your limit."
"Do I even want to know how you know about that?" Kurt asked.
"You treat the lady right?" Logan continued.
"I was a perfect gentleman," Kurt replied.
"For a perfect gentleman, you sure are talking a lot about it," Rachel grumbled. She lifted her head from Logan's lap and it immediately fell into her hands.
"Feeling alright, darlin'?" Logan asked.
"Ororo's making coffee in the kitchen," Kurt offered. "Why don't you join her?"
Rachel nodded and pushed herself off the couch. The two men watched as she shuffled off in search of coffee.
"You know, back when we were in Excalibur, she would dance on barstools," Kurt said.
"Girl's got spunk," Logan said.
"Yes she does," Kurt murmured. He turned to face Logan. "You look like you want to say something."
"Just the usual," Logan replied. "Hurt Ororo, I'll kill you; hurt Rachel, I'll kill you."
"Fair enough." Kurt nodded. "I suppose I should tell you, hurt Ororo and I will kill you."
"No," Kurt replied. "I see that look in your eyes. It's the look that Margali Szardos once gave me. That's all I need to know."
"You know what, Elf?" Logan said. "You ain't half bad."
"Not half bad at all," Kurt agreed.