Categories > TV > Buffy the Vampire Slayer > xXx-ander


by tjin 0 reviews

Not Another Xander

Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Crossover - Characters: Xander - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2007-01-21 - Updated: 2007-01-21 - 1272 words - Complete

Not another Xander.

i Don't own BtVS or xXx


Xander finally pulled his head up from the steering wheel and glared at the still steaming hood of the car.

Three years ago life had been dull, he avoided his parents, Argued with Cordy and hung out with Willow and Jesse.

Then he had met the slayer, been forced to stake Jesse, was possessed by a Hyena, almost eaten by a giant bug, and kissed by a life sucking mummy before forcing the Vampire Angel to help him save said slayer's life.

The next year he had been possessed AGAIN during Halloween, been attacked by a bug man, Kissed Cordy, Broke into an Army base and stole a rocket launcher, and stared down a master Vampire.

And then just recently he had saved the world, graduated, blown up the high school and helped to kill a high level demon in one fell swoop before leaving on his 'Road trip'

And that left him here, on a beat up part of US 101 just a few miles from Oxnard with the remains of his engine scattered over the last couple hundred yards of roadside.

With a heavy sigh Xander pulled the heavy backpack from the back seat and slowly started to make his way up the road as he grumbled.

"Oh look there's Xander, let's make his life hell." Xander mocked any higher being listening.

"See, he has a friend, let's make him kill him." Xander growled as he continued to stomp down the pavement in an attempt to get to somewhere with shade.

"What, a girl he actually likes? Let's have her fall for a Vampire, a girl that likes him? Lets have him kiss his oldest friend and HEY! Just for kicks, let's have her walk in at JUST that moment. Oh now here's something big, he actually gets laid, hey how about we have her kick him out AND THEN TRY TO KILL HIM!"

His rant continued for close to half an hour before the heat burned the anger away and just left him feeling hot.


It was night by the time he finally stumbled into Oxnard and started his search for an open diner.

Finally seeing the glowing light of an 'Open' Krispy Kreme in the distance Xander started to jog towards it in hopes his luck had finally started to turn around.

And that's when it happened.

Xander felt the world explode as a vampire jumped out of the shadows and landed a solid blow to the side of his head.

Stumbling away from the attack Xander shook his head to clear it before glaring at the undead that had decided to make his day perfect.

"Okay now I'm ticked." Xander growled as the last bits of his self control started to melt away.

With a growl Xander charged the Vampire.


Standing up slowly Xander spit a mixture of blood and saliva at the dust pile.

"That's what you get for... that." He mumbled out through the split lip.

"Shoot he musta hit me harder than it felt if I can't even come up with... something." He mumbled to himself before he was interrupted by a slow clapping from behind him.

"Congratulations Mr. Harris, you just managed to pass the first Gibbons test." The giant black man said with a smug grin as Xander stared at the scars dominating the left side of his face.

Opening his mouth to respond, Xander felt a sharp sting on the back of his neck.

Slapping his hand over the pain Xander pulled out the small dart and stared at it for a moment before the world slowly slid away into darkness.


Sitting up, Xander stared at the dull grey cement wall as he tried to figure out where he was through the pounding in his skull.

Rolling around as the creaking metal door opened, Xander stared at the three huge men that squeezed through the door and loomed over him.

Listening to them shout at him for several seconds Xander wondered why they were speaking Russian before glancing at the biggest "Let me guess... Huey, Dewey, and Louie?" Xander asked as the largest one reached down and jerked him upright.

Turning his head to avoid the almost putrid breath Xander choked and his eyes watered before looking back. "No? How about Groucho, Chico and Harpo?"

As his arms were jerked behind his back and heavy iron manacles were locked in place Xander desperately tried to figure out where he was as he kept up the inane questions. "Barney Fred and Dino? Larry, Curly and Moe... ooh I know you're Dusty Bottoms, you're Lucky Day and you have to be Ned Nederlander right? Come on guys I'm right aren't I?" Xander said as he was shoved out the door and down the hall.

Looking at the three scowls on his captors' faces Xander decides to instead watch where he was going.

At the end of the hall the small group took a turn and Xander saw his ultimate destination. Digging his heels in, he stared in horror at the large metal table with restraints spaced around the edge as men in white labs coats checked the monitoring equipment while a single bottle of green liquid sat in a clear locked box next to a needle.

Swallowing heavily as the three guard's drag him towards the room Xander desperately looked for a way out. "Come on, you know I was just joking," Focusing on one of the men holding him. "You look nothing like Ned."

Thinking about his situation Xander decided quickly that being strapped on that table would only end badly.

Dropping to the ground he waited until the two at his sides jerked him up before lifting his feet off the ground and slipping the manacles around to the front.

Dropping his feet to the ground Xander slammed his elbows back into the kidneys of the two holding him. Ducking under the swing of the one behind him Xander saw the glossed black club fly over his head before he launched a mule kick straight back into the big mans stomach.

Blocking the man on the lefts heavy swing Xander stepped forward and brought a knee up into the mans midsection and spinning on the last standing guard before blinking as his arm patch caught his eye.

Ignoring the high pitched whine of the alarm Xander stepped towards huge man as he pulled his sidearm up, slapping the gun away Xander brought his hands up in a heavy Double Axe strike to the mans chin.

As he slumped down Xander spun around into a spin kick to the side of the tail guards head.

As the guard that was on his right continued to try to bring oxygen into his lungs Xander slipped the chain from his manacles around the mans neck and jerked him upright.

"All right Borsch breath, what the FUCK kind of a game is this." Xander demanded as the Lab coats stared at him in shock.

"No game Mister Harris, you just passed the second test."

Turning towards the voice Xander stared at the scarred man he had seen in the alley with a blonde suite with his arm in a sling and a geeky looking guy that stared at Xander as if he was the plague.

"Test? You're joking right? I graduated I'm not taking anymore tests." Xander growled as the man checked the other two guards before looking up at Xander.

"You can let him go now." The man said with a smile before turning to his companions "I told you someone under the radar would work."
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