Categories > Original > Drama

X-Panic_X

by XkissmeXkillmeX 0 Reviews

He had loved her so much...he had cherished every moment he spent with her. Now she was gone,and soon he would be gone as well.

Category: Drama - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama, Romance - Characters:  - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2007/07/12 - Updated: 2007/07/12 - 1526 words - Complete

Julie Smith and Crash Harbold were still at the grave site after the funeral was over and everyone had already left. No one had really shown up, only a few people, mostly family. Julie's heart ached even though Crash kept telling her that it wasn't her fault. She knew deep down inside that it was. Maybe if she had paid more attention, this wouldn't have happened.
Julie shivered, not just from the chill in the winter air, but also from the eerie feeling of the graveyard. It all seemed so strange, like it hadn't really happened, and soon she would wake up from this horrible nightmare.
Not caring any longer if she got dirt on her ninety dollar jeans, she sat down in front of the stone and ran her fingers across the smooth, cool surface. She traced the letters in the name that were etched into it. 'Matt Walls' it read, 'June 12, 1989 - December 19, 2005'. Tears slipped from her eyes. She would do anything just to see his face again. She missed his soft kisses, the way his pierced lip curved when he smiled. Those icy, ocean blue eyes that she always found her self lost in and the way he held her in his arms, telling her he loved her. She missed the way his light brown hair fell into his eyes, and how he walked with his head down, not able to look the world in the face. How ironic that she also missed his bondage pants, the T-shirts saying rude phrases that he wore over a fishnet shirt, and the millions of rubber bracelets he wore around his wrists. She missed all the things that made him so different, so unique, so special, and so hated. Julie thought back to before this had all happened, and what had led up to all of this.
Julie, Panic, and Crash were as close as three friends could possibly be, and since seventh grade, Julie and Panic had been as close as any boyfriend and girlfriend of their age could be. They always sat near each other in all of their classes, and at lunch. Sometimes they would meet over Crash's house to hang out.
Then one day all of that changed, when Julie met Cade Weimer and Dani Rhineholt. Julie looked up to Dani and Cade; they were the richest girls in school, which made them instantly the most popular. Those traits also made them, the most snobby, backstabbing, self-centered, blonde toothpicks that you could ever meet, but Julie didn't see that until it was too late. She let them convince her to change her appearance, to dump the only guy that she would ever love, and all to hang out with them. Then she had everything that they did, which in the end, turned out to be nothing at all.
Julie had seemed to change all at once, almost overnight. She came in one morning, practically ripping Panic's heart straight out of his chest, and showing it to him on a platter.
"What do you mean you're breaking up with me? And why do you keep calling me that?" Panic just stared at her; his eyes had drained of their color, taking on a hint of tears.
"First of all, I am calling you Matt because it's your name, you and Darren need to get a life and stop with the stupid nonsense nicknames and dressing like idiots. And you know what? I don't even know why I ever dated you in the first place." Julie said, as snottily as humanly possible.
"You said you loved me..." Panic whispered under his breath.
"Well I lied." Julie gave him one last look of disgust and fake pity, before turning around to join a now laughing Dani and Cade.
"Julie!" Panic yelled for her but she didn't even bother turning around.
"You don't need her." Crash said, putting a hand on Panic's shoulder, making him walk forward to his next class.
As weeks dragged into a month Julie became worse, taunting Crash and Panic whenever she got the chance. The taunting even got worse when Dani or Cade were around. Julie acted as though she had something to prove. Panic became so distant, letting everything go, never giving her a second glance, but on the inside every word scarred his heart. He buried it all deep inside himself, bottling up every emotion until he was like an empty shell, oblivious to the rest of the world. Crash noticed all this as it happened, and worried about his friend. He knew he had to do something. Something wasn't right.
Crash had ignored it for as long as could. He finally went over to Julies one day and flat out asked for her help.
"Julie, there's something wrong with him. If you won't talk to him, at least stop making him feel like crap every second of his life." Crash was doing his best not to scream at her. Still, she didn't care.
"Darren, I told you, I'm not talking to him. He deserves everything he gets. He's fine, seems as normal as someone like you two can get. Tell him to stop being so emo and get over me already." She shrugged.
"This isn't about you any more Jules!" He yelled, softening as he said her old nickname. "You made him this way. You have to stop being so heartless and fix this!"
"Good bye Darren." She retorted, shutting the door in his face.
The next day at school Julie didn't stop, and Panic only seemed to get worse. Crash could only stand by and watch it happen. He did everything he could, but nothing seemed to help. Later, Crash and Panic were sitting at Crash's house, and Panic just broke down.
"Crash...I don't know why she hates me so much." He whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks. He felt like everything inside of him was broken, and there was nothing in this world that could put him back together, except her. "Are you sure she won't talk to me?"
"Man, I told you. I went over there and she shut the door in my face." He said solemnly. "Sorry."
"Y-your lying, sh-she still loves me..." Panic mumbled, standing up and walking out of the door, slamming it behind him. That was the last time that Crash saw his best friend alive.
Panic walked the whole mile to Julie's house. He walked to the side of the house, knowing where her window was, from all the nights he used to climb through it. He knocked on the window and sure enough Julie opened it.
"Julie, please tell me you still love me. I'll do anything to change, I swear." He promised.
"Matt I don't know why you even bother trying. It's a lost cause, I never loved you." She slammed the window in his face.
"My name's Panic! You gave me that nickname Jules!" He yelled through the class, banging on it, trying desperately to get her to come back. He laughed, whispering his last few words before he left. "You said that it was because of how I panic too much, instead of just having fun, and like Crash puts it, because of the looks of Panic people give me when I walk into a room. I still love you Jules,you know that." He trailed off; walking back to his house, knowing that no one would be home.
Julie woke up the next morning to Crash banging on her door. "What, Darren?"
"Panic...h-he...killed himself..." Crash mumbled, tears falling from his eyes.
Even still Julie tried to act like it didn't matter, but deep down inside she knew that he had meant the world to her. She just didn't realize it until he was gone, and her popular 'friends' had abandoned her for coming to the funeral. She felt like this was all her fault, like she was the one that caused it. Even though she wasn't the only one that gave him a hard time, she still contributed to it. Maybe she could have even stopped this from happening, if only she had paid a little more attention.
Julie left the grave site solemnly, trudging back to her house. She tore down all the reminders of Cade and Dani from her walls, revealing rock posters and black and white paint-splattered walls. This was who she had been, who she still was, and wanted to stay. She changed into a gauzy black skirt, and put on a white fishnet shirt under her black tank top. She dyed her hair back to black with purple highlights. Then she put on her almost, but not yet forgotten, black eye liner and eye shadow. She did her best to replace everything; even the necklace Dani had gotten her for her birthday with a spike choker that had been Panic's.
She sat on her bed, turning on her old CD's as loud as humanly possible, letting it engulf her. She thought of him, and knew that he forgave her. Then she knew everything was going to be all right, as long as she was herself, her real self.

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