Wow, just wow. This has got to be the worst piece of writing i've ever seen. First of all your editor Dave, missed about a dozen grammer mistakes. Then the story was just horribly written. You're vocabulary was extremely limited to words like "were". There was no flow to the conversations. This is just a bad piece of writing. There's the major cliche of the whole "hermione and the weasleys stealing from me and following Dumbledore". The relationship with Daphne is just bad, theres no buildup in the first or second chapters. The only thing I can suggest is to scrap this and restart from a more practical point, with a lot more buildup. You explained nothing and the only impression i'm getting is that you aren't going to explain anything.
Author's response
Exactly as you said. Three chapters and that is it. I hope you can also understand what I write. ONLY THREE CHAPTERS of saying baaaaad little words to almost everyone around him, nothing more and nothing less. This suppose to be a short story and it is. The original thought was write a bashing story of 15,000 words, 3 chapters in one weekend as a relieve for the Heritage. I did, and the story is finished, but not 15,000 words, but about 20,000 or more words, and I didn't finish it in the weekend but several days after that (I became sick during the third chapter).
When I am finished with the heritage, I will write the same story, but in full. Or when you or someone else want to continue with the idea, help your self. If you are interested in the story line (which I have ready), let me know and I send it to you.