(#) koppe 2007-08-21
I must admit I liked the first one best -- and I was among those pushing for a sequel...
Although I see what the author is aiming for (showing the rippling effect), I thought he drew in too many people -- and that after he drew them into the story, they played a too little part (eg. Vernon's boss could've been called as Vernon's character-witness, and reviled Harry's father financed the company). Also, several characters (like the Grangers) weren't at all affected by Harry's death at the time they were introduced into the story.
I would've like more about the Dursleys' downfall (interrigation and trial) -- even about Dudley (his initial reaction of not being allowed to do everything)... more about the investigation of the abuse and murder... more about Dumbledore's downfall... more about the reaction of the wizarding-world as a whole...
My greatest beef though, was that Harry's death didn't seem to matter. Yes, Voldemort may still return and there will be no one to defeat him; but his return seems unlikely with Wormtail's death and the Malfoys, Snape and others in prison. All in all, things seems to have gone better -- and faster -- without Harry... and that just rubs me the wrong way.
The writing is good, but I would've prefered longer scenes, more details and a slower pace (e.g. more about Vernon's incarceration and trial).
I'll rate this story as "Ambient", though I also concidered "Train Wreck", "Boring" or "OOC"... I really wish there was a rating for stories with "Great Potential, but don't Deliver".
Keep up the good work.
Author's response
Thank you for your insightful review. I have to admit, the story was rather drawn out, but there was a reason behind the madness, (as it were). The first story was intended to grab at the heart and squeeze.
When asked to write a second page, I found that most asked specifically for the reactions to Harry's death, especially centered around the major players, Dumbledore, Vernon and Petunia. I had to actually do a lot of research. I was astounded at the sheer number of people involved in Harry's life and their relationships, even peripherally. I trimmed the list as much as I could, but still had a huge number of people involved.
I have been on many investigations where one seemingly unrelated piece of information led to an entirely new investigation. That Sirius had no dark mark, would begin an investigation as to why he was n prison. That would lead to Barty Crouch Sr. (and likely Jr.) That would logically lead to the rest of the Death Eaters and that to Fudge, who is in bed with Lucius. Draco is collateral damage, so I had to put him somewhere where the influence of his family would be neutralized.
You are correct, Hermione would be mostly unaffected, but because of her age, it was likely she'd begin manifesting at the time. I made it happen in France because of the intolerance of the British system. She would have been ignored until her letter came. In a larger country like France, there would literally HAVE to be a better system in place. Besides, I like Hermione.
I have a daughter who is very much like her.
Harry's death was a done deal. It happened and it was over. The wizarding world reflected and mourned, but after that...what? If people read a news article about a child dying they will react much as Timmons did. They would affirm their love for their loved ones, maybe one or a few would buy a candle and mourn for a time, then they'd get on with their lives. To them, it's tragic, but not the end of their world. Amelia had the authority to take action and did, ensuring that if nothing else the wizarding world would be safe for the time being.
Believe me, if I had included even the smallest part of the trial for a capital offense, Vernon and Petunia would still be awaiting trial.
I would have liked to toss Dumbledore into Azkaban for his participation in the murder of little Harry, but he's too powerful politically, moving behind the scenes as he's been. He can be removed from his offices, but that's about it. He is still a force to be reckoned with.
Malcolm (Dudley) is smart enough to not mention a thing. He'd be reviled for having any part in Harry's life and death, even if he didn't remember it clearly.
Thanks again for your review. It was very helpful. Alorkin