Review for The Real Epilogue
The way the chapter started - the letters without any preceding text and context seemed out of place. It also gave a rather haphazard start compared to all your other chapters before in other stories.
The conversation between winky and Hermione was very good, but it seemed that there was gaps in the conversation between them. Mostly descriptive parts of it. So the panic that winky felt, and Hermione's confusion seemed out of place somewhat.
The conversation between Harry and Hermione also seemed odd in places. I really think the very frank way Hermione mentions Harry taking her Anal cherry seemed forced/casual. Unless it was intended to show in this fic that you're intending for them to not get deeply involved, but still far more than any possible R/Hr. I keep thinking that the two of them would have been a little more banterish in their talk - using more subtler words.
I did like the room of requirements bit - it seemed quite good. If I had to complain there - it seemed more rushed.
I hope my critique isn't too unfair. But this chapter seemed like you were rushing in places. If it's any indication though, I check this site every day just in the off chance I see your writing come up before it hits the yahoo group notices.
There's only hand towels in the Locker Room. Harry receives a note telling him to meet someone and t...
In: Harry Potter
- Authors: 267801
- Stories: 39843
After the Ponds, The Doctor decides to "retire" and 16 years later, here we are with him and his 16 ...
In: Doctor Who
Fourth one of my series, "Ghost Doll." Anna's past nightmares come back to haunt her out of the blue...
In: Yami no Matsuei
Dont read/review if in bitchy mood and only review if positive. co-written by Poppana. the creator o...
Gerard and Frank were best friends in their younger years. after being separated for eleven years Fr...