Review for you can keep my brother

you can keep my brother

(#) hopeanne 2007-10-08 03:46:41 AM

This is my newest favorite chapter! But first, I loved the 'new' ending to the last chap. It was soooo sad. And Im glad Frankie saw it too...
But that brings me to now- was Gerard at the party? Im not sure cause Frankie was, which means theyre not on tour. But the way those two are it wouldnt surprise me if he was off drinking somewhere with out her, or who knows what...I love/hate how you start chapters in the middle of scenes like that! ugh! too many unanswered questions!
And now Cole just seems like a thousand times hotter. ~sighs~ ( I like him now...)
And Frankie the hero!!! LOVE IT!
Like I said- this ones my favorite.
I guess this is the kinda style you write best in. I dont know what it would be called 'confusion'? I dont know. You also do sadness really well, but thats not to say that you shouldnt try to broaden your writing. I think that this confusion style works well cause its got just the right amount of thoughts blended with dialog and action. You should try to apply that 'formula' to a happy scene.
My favorite lines had to be that paragraph where shes trying to 'sell' Ali to him and shes like 'she needs to be watched-great make her sound like a cheater' I actually went like HA! outloud when I read that line.

Author's response

i think i wrote it somewhere in the chapter, frank was sick like a week before his birthday so they let him spend it home while they continued touring, ya know, Frankie's usual sick leave...i got what you was saying like i should throw in more of what she's thinking in addition to what she was saying...i definitely tried to blend more thoughts in my latest chapter, i'm surprised i never really did it before but only when i had to write something funny and show the contrast between her thoughts and action which produced a comical relief. thanks for pointing that out to me cause i never noticed! ohh and i'm glad you have a fav chapter..but a new one? i never knew you had a favorite chapter in my story...

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