Review for And If I Were To Fall

And If I Were To Fall

(#) IWCT 2008-01-11

Ficwad is a server of lazy. Most people don't review here, even the "OMG luv ur stry. UPDATE!" reviews you get on FF.N.

And worry not about the fight scenes. I love writing them now, and I used to shy away from them nervously. My secret technique: Well, one) text based RPing a superheroes RP with a guy who is a Dragonball Z nut case forced me to learn how to write action sequences quickly, or be stuck in the role of damsel in distress forever.

If that doesn't work for you (admittedly, it's hard to find such a situation when you're looking for it), two) try to use a lot of action verbs. Shattered, leaped, slammed, etc. If you see "is," "has," "gets," anywhere, (or "was," "had," "got") erase it, and replace it with a descriptive verb. On that note, nix any description in an action sentence. Description can wait for the next sentence to describe the effect of an attack.

There are two basic styles I like to use in action sequences: Short, hard sentences work when trying to indicate that the battle is moving at high speed. Long, smoothly transitioning sentences I use when I want to concentrate on the dance-like qualities of a piece of combat.

/Type 1: Naruto's fist smashed into the cheek. He spun, delivering a kick to his opponent's chest. Haku's head snapped back. He doubled over as the foot colided with his stomach. In the tree overhead, Kakashi smiled to himself. He loved the art of replacement.

Type 2: Shikamaru jumped backwards, and the ground ripped open from an explosion a few seconds later. His eyes slid sideways, and he rolled left under a volley of kunai.

Someone was trying to kill him, and he really found those kinds of days troublesome./

So: the fight between Gaara and Lee at the Chuunin Exams would mostly have short sentences. The fight between Naruto and Sasuke at the Valley of the End, which involved a lot of action and reaction would be mainly written in the second style. Kakashi vs. Zabuza would be a mix of the two.

These are just rules of thumb to try until you develop your own style/comfort level. Personally, I find that if you just concentrate on using good verbs, and action/reaction, battle scenes write themselves.

Author's response

This is helpful (and for once I'm not being sarcastic). Unfortunately, my problem is that I really can't write short sentences. I've tried. I've practiced. In RPs, my character usually ends up playing the damsel in distress. And do you know why? My fellow RPers take pity on me. The few times I haven't been the damsel in distress is when I give RPers that I won't overdo it free permission to God-mode with my characters.
At the moment, I'm tackling the problem with a don't-actually-describe-everything-that-happens-instead-pad-with-thoughts-and-feelings-and-memories sort of style, hich so far has worked nicely. I got the entire way through the first dream sequence. (He he... I'm evil. I spilt it into two. Now you have to wait even longer to find out if Naruto really did kill Haku or not)

(Incidentally, and this is just me bitching, how can a person misspell 'Insightful'??? ...and long passwords suck. Why do I always make my passwords long??)