Review for G. I. Joe - The Shorts

G. I. Joe - The Shorts

(#) ApplePie 2005-09-26 08:41:11 PM

The conversation was pretty decent, but I'm not sure about the characterizations. Snow Job was one of the Joes "left behind" in Borovia, and he seemed to understand why it worked out that way, and so he doesn't seem the type to give Lifeline crap about it. As for Lifeline, I personally agree that the man should pick up a gun, but cannon seems pretty set against it.

I would recommend changing around the sentence structure here and there. There were a few with a lot of commas that should have been broken down or had clauses in a different place.
Ditto changing around wording. "Giant sewer rats" is a very picturesque phrase, but hearing it over and over again gets old. Break out the thesaurus.

Keep working!



Author\'s Response: To give a little background on the particular challenge this was written for - I was handed two randomly selected characters to work into an interaction. Personally, I don't choose to write in canon all the time. Instead, for this piece, I chose to take their characters to the extreme a bit - give them a bit of Hollywood treatment, if you will.Snow Job was left behind and a POW before. He would have a unique viewpoint on why he would never want to be one again. It does leave a pretty solid emotional trauma on a person, if I was strictly following canon in the comic. In the cartoon, the issue was never addressed with him.As for Lifeline, while I agree that canon in both comic and cartoon portrayed him as a strict pacifist, what would he do to save a life, especially the life of a comrade? Would he take one life to save another? Do you think?Yeah, I got you about the sentence thing. It's a bad habit that I am still trying to break. And, on the subject of thesauruses, where the heck did mine go??? I think my wife pinched it and took it to her office again! (LOL) Let's try the phrase "humongous vermin rodents", shall we?Thanks for the review!

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