Review for G. I. Joe - The Jersey Devil Encounter
If you're going to have an original character, how about some physical description? Don't assume that we've read other stories with them in it.
The only other thing I would say is tone down the phoenetic spelling of the owner's speech. It's hard to read. Then after sounding like a hick, he suddenly says, "We shall see." A bit jarring.
Author\'s Response: You're absolutely right about the physical description. This was technically not Crypto's first appearance, and I've been stingy on the descriptions because I thought I was starting to sound repetititve to myself as I proofread my work.Thank you for pointing out the glaring switch in the hick's language. Not being one myself, I do have to practice the right balance there.Actually, the fan fiction for me is just a crucible in which I shake out my style... to find that happy medium that will make my real manuscripts nearly perfect.Thanks for the review!
Beginning in the fifth year, Harry begins to realise that the world is a lot more complex than black...
In: Harry Potter
- Authors: 198051
- Stories: 39112
A not-so-creepy creepypasta for Jazzy. Enjoy :3
Kiss me while I shoot the bad guys, and this rainy day can last forever.
Abigail 14 runs away from the orphanage becuse she believes that she'll never find a family who love...
In: G.I. Joe
Sequel to "Answer" (Fluffy domestic bickering some time after the wedding. (Dialogue only.)...)
I really need help cheering up. I am crying out a waterfall.