Review for Disenchanted

Disenchanted

(#) linerlover 2008-03-24 04:58:46 PM

ummm... i'm trying not to sound mean here, so bear with me... can you slow it down a bit? it seems like everything is happening too fast, and with too little detail. try to elaborate on feelings or sensations, and describe the people a little more. at the moment it seems a little like you're rushing into the story, so try to break it down. and don't be afraid of longer chapters if it means you can add in small parts with extra detail that give the story more of a believable atmosphere. hope i helped there, and didn't sound too bitchy. :D

-Sarah-

Log in!




Register Lost password

Filter

You won't see stories with a lower score when you browse or search. Log in to adjust filter.
0

 

Featured Story

  • three pages
    by miriya (G)

    Living with ghosts has never been easy. A set of three pieces featuring Light, Misa, and Near.

    In: Death Note

Site Stats

  • Authors: 650918
  • Stories: 39931

Recent Stories