FicWad

I don’t mean to be mean, but this story is littered with cliches. Now, in a genre like “Harry Potter Fan Fiction” it is very difficult not to write cliches, because, quite literally, it’s all been done before. But when I read the story’s description, I knew that the main character, Melody, would be beautiful, have long, luxurious black hair, beautiful blue eyes, be super smart, very powerful, and have studied martial arts. Also, there was a good possibility that her origin would be similar to Harry’s. Sadly, I was right on all counts. Also, the names smack of “These are my best friends’ names and I threw them into my story.”

Otherwise, the writing is not bad. But I do have a few issues.

The interaction between Melody and the stewardess on the plane doesn’t make sense.
Quote:
“You fell asleep then screamed bloody murder. We had to land the plane!” screamed the hostess, “It’s okay though, we’re back in the sky now.”
End Quote
Why would the hostess have screamed at Melody? And why would the airline land the plane because a passenger was screaming during a nightmare, only to take off before said passenger woke up? “We had to land the plane! It’s okay though, we’re back in the sky now.”

Also, describing Melody as being “curvaceous and slender” is very much like saying “tall and short.”