Can't write constructive criticism, this fic is so bad only thing we can suggest is shove it to the dust bin and go take some creative writing classes in your college before trying again.
I actually only read the chapter after seeing the reviews, I kkwas wondering what people might have written to you and if you improved any since last I bothered reading this. Alas, no. Look, man, take your time, think your plot over, put some effort into your writing, and perhaps you might come up with something worthj the time. As it is, the way you rush up thing, the fact you don't really have a story, and the sad truth that this is naught but a collection of saome of the most cliched and over-used and least logical plot-devices-turned-holes, which make even less sense put together than standing on their own, speaks volumes against your story, no matter how loud you shout you want good revies. Write a good story, and maybe you'll get those, although, from experience I can tel lyou even that is much doubtfull. But at least, for a first story, you'll probably get some suggestions, corrections and other nitpicking reviews. But only once you actually wrote a story. So far, you have not, I am afraid to say.
-mo