Review for The First Insight
Other than saying I like this (which I do, a lot), I would like to comment a bit on your writing.
First off, and this might be an upload error, the last paragraph got all messed up -- no spaces between sentences, and I'm sure you meant it to be at least two paragraphs, not just one big block of text. Maybe you could fix that to provide a cleaner, easier read.
As for the writing itself, I found that you tend to be a bit repetitive with your terms (/hues/, /yet/, stuff like that). Maybe if you could find some synonyms or alternate literary expressions, the reading would be smoother and far more enthralling.
Also, Vincent's monologues tended to repeat the same thing twice in a sentence, making it longer than needed -- it made me want to skip to the next thought a couple of times, to be perfectly honest.
On the subject of Vincent's speech -- I found it to be a bit "common" compared to the way he talks during FFVII, AC and the beginning of DoC. He has a slightly more serious, formal way of speaking, I think, and at times during your story what he said sounded like something Cloud could've said -- which isn't bad, /per se/, but it would help keep him more in character if you tried to match his speech to that of the games.
Anyway, just thought I'd drop my two -cents in. I hope this review helps you, and I'll be on the lookout for more of your stories.
Have a nice day!
Thank you again, and maybe i shall post some new stories! :P I never wrote any before this so it will be fun to write more... hmm.. im blabbing, i shal shut up now... CYAAAA
P.S: Sorry for letter going missing i think in some of my words. Im on my lap top and all a bit BLERRR. But yet again im in a rush and just saw i had a response so i had to reply ^.^ haha but yes, hope my reply made sense.
P.S again: haha god ! i will leave any minute now, but i just realised, i was supposed to say that i was thinking of doing it through Vincents eyes like my other story. I think i typed, 'not' through Vincents eyes... god im scatty today. But yes, must dash! thank you again again again haha
If you hve come on here again, i thought I would let you knwo i went back to edit my story to gave me tips for. I added the 'p' to actualy make the paragraphs so it wasnt one big blob and i changed a few bits in the writing as it hought they sounded crap. But thank you again for all your advice and i took them all in and i went through the story to make the changes ^.^ It does read a bit better now... still a bit crappy i think but mer, it was a bit of fun writing.
There was much more to 'The Epilogue' than was shown in Book 7.
In: Harry Potter
- Authors: 633854
- Stories: 40447
Hello every person, i'm Michael Shawn Majeed and I'm a Economist from Toronto. I'm 31 yrs old and no...
The development of songs is an ongoing process this is certainly usually neglected, and it is someth...
In: Azumanga Daioh
On the night Voldemort attacks the Potter's home, a completely different person finds Harry before S...
In: Harry Potter
Brendon/O.C. Brendon and Amy cross paths out of sheer luck, will Amy fall hard for the panic! singer...