FicWad

Hiya

First off let me say that I do like your story, and have hope that you will continue onwards to completion.

Quick note, my spelling and grammar are truly bad, please be forgiving in these respects.


My first suggestion is to expand on just why Riddle went bye-bye. A simple way, that fits in
with your story, is to say that due to the fact that Harry loves Luna enough to connect on an
emotional/magical level (this is what is supposed to allow Harry's magic to temporally and/or permanently to
drain some excess magic?) which feeds back across his scar connection to cause Voldemort to feel love,
not just lust, for a woman. The easiest way to use this, is to say that because he was feeling real love,
this violates some Dark ritual for power, at the forfeiture if his soul, all of it. Now canon says that Riddel,
never truly knew or understood love, and he would count the loss of his ability to feel it a cheap price to pay
for power. Mind you this is filler material only, and doesn't necessarily need to be added in.


The next bit is your reason for no virgins among the purebloods. A minor flaw, is that a dark aligned
pureblood would not use a virgin sacrifice from a pureblood family when there are muggles,mudbloods,
and blood traitors to be had. However, since this advances your plot, you can always use the old gag
of 'do to the scarcity of virgins, the pureblood girls decided well better safe than sacrificed'. Also
while a pureblood male can have sex with a halfblood or a muggleborn (by using the reason of 'I'm
just wiping one off in an available cum rag') so long as he does not pollute his bloodline by getting her
pregnant. A pureblood female light or dark aligned would never have sex with a halfblood let alone a
muggleborn no matter how good looking they were for the simple reason it would lower their status.
All pureblood children are raised from birth to believe that their status and/or position in their society
is everything (even in Weasleys, in canon, are affected by this). As with any social elite, any hint of
impropriety (such as truly falling in love with and/or having sex with halfblood or a muggleborn), will be
used as an opportunity to bring that person down a rung on the social ladder, while they move up.
The only reason that James Potter got away with marrying a muggleborn Lily Evans, was that he
was the only heir to the Ancient and Nobel House of Potter. Even then his social status suffered
some, just no where near as much. The reason that Harry was sought after as much as he was the
mystique of being the boy-who-lived ,and in your case boy-who-offed-voldermort-and-his-death-eaters,
as well as being the heir to the Ancient and Nobel Houses of Potter and Black. These two things
combined would give any female(s) a big jump in social standing no matter their birth status.

You need to keep this in mind for any pureblood female you use. Most but not all of the girls
that you have used in your story so far are from acceptable categories as:

Lower:
Granger -default due to being muggleborn, most of her social status comes from being with Harry.

Middle:
Alicia, Katie Bell - both of these girls are of good family, but have not been pureblood long enough.

Upper Middle:
Cho Chang, Padma Patil - both of these girls should be higher up, but their families are considered foreigners
Luna Lovegood - a very old family line, but said line is considered unstable.
Fleur Delacour - French Nobility? upper-class anyhow ,but is part non human which lowers her standing.
oddly enough her being French is not held against her, because she is not an
citizen of England.


(Here's the ones that will generally be hard to justify)
Upper:
Susan Bones - the heir to the Ancient and Nobel House of Bones, her family is not as strict as others.
Pansy Parkinson - a young upper class family of which she is the eldest (if not only) child.

Both Upper Middle and Upper class will be very concerned with appearances in their society
no matter what goes on in private.


I went back and reread the bordello sections and have to say you did a fair job at making it a nice place
for them to work. The min. tip of 100 galleons (at 5-6 pounds to the galleon) is a lot of money, but how much
goes to the girl and how much to the house would determine how long past the 30 day min.each girl
will stay. The high price per girl will limit the number of clients per girl, as well as restricting the client
base to the upper-middle and upper classes of wizerding society. The fact that wizerding society
attaches no stigma to their females being sexually active before marrage, so long as said activitys
are kept out of the public perview. All marrages in the wizerdring world are based on
contracts and if said contract says that she must forsake all others save for those he allows (remember
folks wiz. society is based on Victorian England, the head of an old family was expected to have at
least one mistress on the side) then her own magic will force her to obey or pay the penalty stated
in the marrage contract. While all this sex going on while their clients were growing up
means that the percentage of their clients that has the skill to make their job fun for both participants
is higher. The question is will they, remember it's the girls job to make the client feel good, not the
other way around. Now given this kind of skill index among the clientele, I'd say that odds are:

1 in 5 that the sex will be unpleasent if not a little painfull, and her acting skills will be pushed to their limits.

2 in 5 that the sex will be average, about the same level as the guys back school , a minor bit of acting
on her part will insure leaves happy, and she at least feels good about it.

1 in 5 that the sex is above average, she doesen't need any acting abilities, and this is definitly good sex

1 in 5 ok folks this is the one that, keeps the older girls comeing back, and the new girls comeing in. This
is the one that leaves them walking funny, sitting lightly, a big grin on her face, and a new memory to
use with the Patronis spell.


Given that magic keep the girls disease free (such as having a medi witch scan a customer as he/she
comes into the building with out them knowing), unpregnant, and unscared (due to security charms
which would keep the clients from getting to rough, except for the bondage types). The girls
will hopefully get a better set of bedroom skills to keep their love match or arranged marriages
by their family (a not uncommon occurrence in their society).

All of this hinges on those privacy charms that keep everyone from talking or writing about what
goes on inside the wards as well, and most importantly between who, unless they were there with
the other person or persons at that time. Because you are using charms this has three flaws, and
two possible ways around it:

1) all charms have a counter, and thus can be ended, but the only copy of the counter charm
could be in the bordellos keeping.

2) all charms have a finite amount of magic and thus a time limit. If a client does not come back to
the bordello to have the privacy charm refreshed it will run out of power and fade, allowing
the client free to speak about who and what he saw. This can be fixed by having them sign
a guest book (the girls to) that states they agree to abide by the conditions set by the privacy
charms, and then have them place a tiny drop of their blood next to their name, or just have
them sign with a blood quill (legal for use in signing a magically binding agreement). This will
allow a witch,wizard,or squibs own magic to power the charm making it permanent.

3) you need to add pensive memories to privacy charm

4) viratiserm(the truth drug) and mind scanning spell could possibly get information, but both are controlled
by the MOM.


One quick question was Remus Susans first client and because of the privacy charms couldn't admit
it was him.


Here's a few suggestions:

1) Have Harry bond Cho. The emotional support the bond would generate should end her depression.

2) Have Harry bond Susan the first time he has sex with her to the degree that she dosen't like the idea
of sex with any one else outside the bond. a) they make a good couple. b) Harry would have to buy
out her contract, thus spending 15,000 of the 48,500 galleons he has left before Sept 1.

3) When Harry finds out about what Pansy has been forced into whats been done to her. Have he and his magic
freak, rattel the building like a 6.0 earthquake, and shread the magic that forces her obedience. All without
having his wand or saying anything. Then in a typical Harry move have him buy out her contract,
thus paying off her parents, and keeping mind and/or will from being broke. It will probaly use
a lot of his remaing galleons.

Well thats it I'm done, I hope you keep writing this cause i kinda like it.


Quarkstomper