(#) xhale 2009-02-24
Lemme get this right - this is a story about how you are (and through you, Harry is) incensed at Hr for messing with the minds of her parents, and somewhere on page two you already have Harry putting someone under a compulsion. I know it's shades of gray, but that's a glaring mistake. Couldn't he instead have placed a glamour on the appointment book to have him "double-booked" by accident? Or a post-it in Mrs. Granger's hand saying "Don't forget Mr. Potter's emergency appointment? Or put the "partner" discussion in a flashback and have the secretary recognize him. As Harry well knows there's lots of ways of manipulating a situation without resorting to cranial invasion.
Bonus points for the Dark City-esque way to make Hr sleep though.
I know this is your idea pile, but this one feels less refined and more full of holes then all the other "chapters" combined - perhaps that's because canon went to shitsville after book 4.
Harry memory charms her because charming her parents was tearing her up? She thinks it's okay to charm her parents but not her because "I'm a witch?" Why does Harry tell the Grangers that all the Weasleys survived?
You know what? I know how to fix this - every problem gone. In chapter two, Chiun is brought in as a relationship counselor. And I demand that Sue Bones calls her husband Bandit because he's one-armed. And Ron tells her he's a "slot machine" because he's a pervert. ;-P