(#) Misk 2006-08-26
I really love your writing! :-)
I think this story does a really good job of capturing how Hughes was able to lighten up Mustang's moods. Roy could get (understandably) pretty bleak sometimes. I think the reader would come out of this story with the unconscious question of whether the lightness for Roy can still be there in the future, with that bright support gone.
As far as writing mechanics, the only thing that jarred me now and then was pronouns (not being sure who the "he" or "him" really referred to, till I stopped and re-read the sentence). This didn't happen often, though. So when that's the only so-called "issue" -- I think one could say you write a pretty excellent story!