I like this. There seem to be a lot of stories based off the Sixteen Candles music video, but this - Patrick joins group while vampire's younger sister (who has been with them longer) plays bait - I have not seen before. Originality, good. The writing itself you might reread before posting - there were some minor details (like a missing 'a') that were off, but I like your idea.
Author's response
to be honest, it is a part of a vapire series i am writing, and fob were originally just my filler names until i finished the character development. then 16 candles came out and it was only a few miner tweeks to make it follow the video more closely. it didn't really flow too well with the other books in the series, so i wasn't too heartbroken to put it up here.
but that is why it is like the video, but not exactly cut and paste from Pete's demented mind. (lol)