Review for what no one knows will not hurt them... or me right? chapter 1 the new boy (mikey way)

what no one knows will not hurt them... or me right? chapter 1 the new boy (mikey way)

(#) areyounormal 2009-08-30

Okay, you said you wanted a review on the forum and don't worry, I'm not going to flame you. Please accept this in the spirit it's intended - that is, to try to be helpful.

Your spelling and grammar is pretty poor. Everyone gets spelling wrong occasionally, and it's worse if you use a spelling that actually makes another word (eg piece and peace), as no spell checker will pick it up. But seriously, if you’re not using Word (or something similar), you really should find an online spelling and grammar checker. I know some people will tell you that ‘it doesn’t matter’ but it does, it really does. It is the main reason why people get ratings like ‘Trainwreck’ or ‘Illiterate’.
I’m not for a moment suggesting that you are, just that you need to take a little more care over the content. If it’s hard to follow, most people won’t try to. Your ideas are interesting, but your spelling and grammar is letting you down – it really does make reading difficult.

Also, try to set it out so that it’s more clear when there is description or people are speaking and who is speaking – a separate line for each (with occasional gaps) works well.

There are people on the forum offering their services as Beta Readers. You might do well to find one and hopefully they will help you to get past the problems so that people can actually see the plot – which I believe is worth seeing.

I wish you lots of luck, because it would be a shame for good ideas to go unnoticed because the stories are too difficult to read and really get in to.

Sas x