I like the basis of this story and some of the lemons are good. Are you still trying to go on with the rewrite or have you moved on?
Author's response
i still intend to re-work this story, but I've got so many bunnies fighting for my attention, nothing is getting written. Maybe I should just take another look at this story and see what I would need to do to wrap it up, I'm tired of having too many unfinished stories out there.